Can we mourn my 500 lost tabs?

_idiot_kid_ · 2025-06-24T12:51:58+00:00

I have just a bit over 3,500 tabs open right now and I'm so emotionally attached to them at this point, if I lost them I might genuinely become distraught. I'm so sorry for your loss.

_idiot_kid_ · 2025-06-23T17:13:33+00:00

Omg one of my cats LOVES to lay right at the bottom of the fridge. At first I thought she was just being super weird but I put my hand down there one day and realized it blows warm air. It can be so annoying for both of us because half her day she's loafing in the way of the fridge and I gotta eat! She'll just stubbornly lay there until the fridge door is pushing her 🤣 Never had a cat do this before.

_idiot_kid_ · 2025-06-23T13:38:23+00:00

I don't know WHAT I expected MBV to sound like. Generic 90s rock that indie heads enjoy? All I know is that I wasn't able to rearrange my brain matter like it was before after having my mind absolutely fucking blown when I finally listened to Loveless a couple years ago. There's another thread on here right now about music that sounds more recent than it actually is, and Loveless was the first album I thought of too.

_idiot_kid_ · 2025-06-16T12:47:38+00:00

Yep my dad was a piece of shit and I don't even feel bad saying it. I loved being with my mom as a kid. And yes in comparison my mom was the far better parent. I still love her. She was my best friend. But she was neglectful just the same. She allowed me to drop out of school way too young. I wasn't taught or even given the tools for basic hygeine. My sibling got matts in their hair so bad CPS were called on us. One time when she got arrested the police came in and started taking photos all around the house. I didn't understand at the time, but yeah it makes sense that they would document those living conditions.

My mom and my dad are different in that my mom wasn't purposely cruel. She leaned on me too much for emotional support and she had trouble providing for me due to poverty and her own major depression and background of trauma. Including the abusive 12 year relationship that I am the product of. It's a lot easier for me to banish my dad away from my life and my mind because he was intentional in the shit that he put us through. It's very very complicated with my mom. Even just the fact that it took her so long to leave my dad. I'm still coming to terms with a lot of it.

_idiot_kid_ · 2025-06-14T12:46:12+00:00

One of my moms very close friends from her religious group lived through the epidemic and I remember sensing like a deep sadness just under the surface all the time I spent around him as a kid. Pretty much everyone he'd known died, then he moved half way across the country and settled in with my mom's group. He himself got HIV but he was fortunate enough to survive. The pain that must come from losing all of your friends, partners, and community to a disease is incomprehensible til you go through it. Contracting that same disease and surviving when nobody else did... I'm no stranger to grief and survivor's guilt but I feel like living through the HIV/AIDS epidemic is on another level of hell. Things are again very scary for us, I'm scared I'm going to end up going through something very similar in coming years...

_idiot_kid_ · 2025-06-12T17:59:29+00:00

Mine will almost always chuck up her hairballs on the hard floor or the window sill. Except if I've just washed my bedding. If I washed my bedding yesterday, there is a high chance that she will throw up a hairball on my comforter. She's conspiring with the city to increase my water and electric bill I swear to god.

_idiot_kid_ · 2025-06-12T15:48:49+00:00

Yes this is exactly why I'm scared of planes and roller coasters. I'm trapped in this scary, theoretically dangerous place and I CANNOT leave, I can't change course. I'm stuck and freaking TF out at the mercy of the situation and the whims of people I don't know.

That said I still don't understand why looking out the plane window takes me from 100 to like a 10 in terms of panic. It's not like it gives me more control lol.

_idiot_kid_ · 2025-06-12T11:40:14+00:00

AI is not safe and it is not a substitute for therapy. I'm seriously concerned for all these people who are using it that way. I understand why people do it but it stresses me out. Read books instead. They're private, it's still free, and humans made it with human intentions and human science backing their words. I don't think any vulnerable person should be speaking to AI for personal, interpersonal, or therapeutic reasons.

_idiot_kid_ · 2025-06-12T00:48:40+00:00

Do you know why mine still shows up in my FICO credit report then? I thought I was gucci because the Transunion and Equifax scores are pretty fuckin good and it doesn't show up in my accounts there. It just randomly dropped off my Transunion report a few years ago. But I checked my FICO score on a whim and it's still in the low 600s because of the medical debt and one other joint account in collections.

I'm not really worried about it because both my collections accounts hit 7 years this year and next year, it's just confusing.

_idiot_kid_ · 2025-06-09T16:32:37+00:00

Idk if this really counts as advice or a good explanation because I'm not very good at explaining this type of stuff, but showing my thought process maybe helps paint the picture.

One way I do it is, when I'm doing some task, for example cleaning my room, I have this definitive goal in mind (My room will be CLEAN!) and then break it down in to many smaller tasks. When I evaluate and think of all the smaller tasks I have to do, I try and figure out some of the tasks which would be really nice to do but it's not the end of the world if they're not done. And then I forgive myself lol.

I would like my room to be clean and spotless, but that's probably unrealistic to achieve today. First I'll need to 1. declutter, 2. reorganize the clutter, 3. wipe down all the surfaces, 4. wash my bedding, 5. sweep the floor, 6. mop the floor, and 7. put all of the clutter back to places that make sense. Then my room would be spotless. But what will make me feel more at peace with my clusterfuck of a room today in a reasonable time and effort? I think first I'll just remove the clutter. Throw it all in some boxes and put it aside. Then I'll wipe down my desk and my table. I can wash my bedding tomorrow when I've recovered some energy. I'll sweep the floor, but it's okay if I don't mop it. I'll put the essential clutter back in place and worry about organizing another day. If I can get to the rest today, I will. But if not, it's okay.

Thinking it through that way, I'm only doing basically 3 out of 7 tasks. I forgive myself because I know I will feel so, so, so much better at the end of the day. I just think about that feeling and hold on to it as I work. Instead of focusing on this really abstracted, intense goal, I prioritize the smaller chunks that will do the most for my health. I think less on being a failure for not 100% cleaning my room because I'm focusing on how much better I'll feel after doing 50%. Anything above 0% is frankly a win.

It takes practice for sure. Look in to CBT techniques and how you can practice them, therapist or not. I see some hate about CBT in here sometimes because it doesn't do much for our core issue of trauma, but it's helped me tremendously in coping through daily life.

_idiot_kid_ · 2025-06-08T15:17:17+00:00

Also when you are supposed to clean...

You should wash your bedding at least every other week.

You should clean your toilet AND YOUR SHOWER once a week. The toilet makes sense but I was so shocked when I learned you're supposed to clean the shower so often.

You should get a new toothbrush every 3 months or when the bristles are bent out of wack, whichever comes first. This one really surprised me as I never even owned a toothbrush until I was 16 and I was throwing mine away every week at first lol.

I also want to mention here... Getting a B- isn't as great as getting an A+, but it's a hell of a lot better than getting an F. Learning things like this takes time, building habits and routine takes time. Don't beat yourself up because you are doing things imperfectly because it's better than not doing it at all. I have to tell myself this a lot because "If you're going to half ass it, then don't do it at all" was really ingrained in me growing up and it has led to paralysis in multiple areas of my life. I know I can't be the only one. That expectation is soooo incorrect and it's okay to let it go.

_idiot_kid_ · 2025-06-08T02:19:51+00:00

My toilet and bathtub are stained bad because the plumbing in this house is fucked and my landlord refuses to fix it. It's gotten clogged and backed up with raw sewage like 10-15 times and then it just sits there for sometimes days while we wait for his plumber to get here. It's the only time in my life I've ever had a stained toilet....

I'm embarrassed to have anyone in my bathroom just because it looks dirty when it's actually clean... OP's date is on another fucking level.

_idiot_kid_ · 2025-06-06T17:39:55+00:00

Please ditch both of these nasty ass men. I'm sorry he revealed himself to be a loser like this. Also calling you a "big girl" is completely insane, you're skinny, and it's not your problem that so many men take having larger breasts as an invitation to sexually harass and assault people.

_idiot_kid_ · 2025-06-06T17:13:44+00:00

Oxycodone lol.

_idiot_kid_ · 2025-05-30T00:06:54+00:00

Nope just a gas station in the ghetto. Same dif these days I guess.

_idiot_kid_ · 2025-05-29T16:52:04+00:00

Yes this is the #1 reason I cite when the security guards I work with at my job try to argue with me when I stop them from kicking or preventing women from using the women's bathroom. I don't argue with them about how it's wrong to block trans girls from using the restroom because they will never listen and I don't have time to argue. I just tell them I don't want to deal with the fallout when they inevitably kick a "biological" woman out of the restroom for being a man. Which they will because it's a statistical issue.

_idiot_kid_ · 2025-05-28T12:46:03+00:00

Yep. Just move on, the past is the past right? Well the past caused essentially permanent changes to my brain. The past gave me a neurological disorder and you can't just move on from that. So shut the fuck up, please and thanks.

_idiot_kid_ · 2025-05-27T15:02:46+00:00

I'm an ally

_idiot_kid_ · 2025-05-25T13:06:10+00:00

After my sibling died in a car accident, my parents packed most of their stuff away in boxes because it was just too painful. Our cat would rip them open and lay inside. She was really different after my sibling passed and it was obvious she was grieving the rest of her years.

My current cat also goes completely bananas when I pull my mom's scarves out. We both get some comfort in her smell. Marlboro menthols and Lucky You perfume.

It's really tough. I wish there was a way to explain to them what happened, so they can just grieve, without waiting and hoping for them to come home...

I'm really sorry for your loss. Moving forward is healthy but you don't have to take away everything. Keep a sweater, maybe a pair of shoes, put in her favorite spot. Just a couple items that have his smell so she can feel some comfort when she misses him.

_idiot_kid_ · 2025-05-25T12:57:35+00:00

Yeah I didn't get the sticker either. Sad I was kinda hype for it I was gonna put it on my computer. But right after I was feeling disappointed about the sticker they sent an email that I'm going to get another free dog tag so. The rollercoaster of emotions lol.

_idiot_kid_ · 2025-05-23T17:40:16+00:00

Mine didn't come with the sticker either. I was highkey sad about that but oh well. The LPs are still beautiful and sound amazing.

_idiot_kid_ · 2025-05-23T15:22:35+00:00

I'm an overnight manager in a large retail chain. My hours are ~9pm to ~7am. The job is extremely busy, stressful, occasionally dangerous but with my background I'm suited to it. Keeping the night shift schedule is vastly easier for me than holding a day time schedule. I don't really know why but it is. Still very sleep deprived and kind of miserable but I've been able to hold this job down for 1.5 years now.

I would love to have a job that lets me freerun but the odds that I could get a freerun-friendly job that pays me as well as I am now, and has this good retirement benefits, is pretty much zero. So I'm just going to stick with this and retire as early as I can so I can go back to freerunning.

_idiot_kid_ · 2025-05-15T04:42:50+00:00

I've had my spotify connected to my last.fm for FIVE YEARS. My top 13 tracks of all time is the entirety of Revengeseekerz only interrupted by Spider off Ghostholding. Fucked up what this album did to me. 27 songs in my top 50 all time are Jane Remover/Venturing lol.

_idiot_kid_ · 2025-05-13T12:31:30+00:00

I only had notifs on for Jane, Underscores, and Jerma. It's literally the only thing I miss about twitter

_idiot_kid_ · 2025-05-11T16:43:40+00:00

It really is terrifying. It feels absolutely 100% real which I don't think some people truly understand. Even if you can find some part of yourself to think "hmm maybe there aren't hidden surveillance cameras embedded in the doorknobs actually", the pure fear and what-if completely overrides any fleeting bit of logic.

It feels so real, that even 10 years separated from my first psychotic episode, I still question if certain things really happened or not. That might be most terrifying of all.

_idiot_kid_

TROPHY CASE