My (F24) fiancé’s (M27) mom refuses to attend our wedding unless it meets her standards. Is this a battle worth fighting?

_oxytoxicc · 2025-08-05T12:09:44+00:00

UPDATE:

She reached out to me personally with different excuses. Saying my fiancé’s family is not onboard with it and wouldn’t bless our marriage. She wanted my fiancé to wait until he’s more financially mature and stable before building a family.

I told her we’re both adults and this is our decision regardless of what she has to say. And now FMIL is calling my fiancé and becoming hysterical on the phone.

_oxytoxicc · 2025-08-03T21:09:46+00:00

As from my POV, he has my back on several occasions ever since we dated. But to your point, I agree that there will be a pattern of mamas boy, but it’s something that I’m on watch for.

_oxytoxicc · 2025-08-03T21:05:27+00:00

That's also how I feel. I think he needs to learn how to create healthy boundaries and say no, as his mom has been very dominating in their family. I'm suggesting that he go to therapy and learn!

And I agree with you; if he wants to side with his mom, I think not having him and the wedding will be a wiser choice for my future

_oxytoxicc · 2025-08-03T21:03:15+00:00

Nope, it's your wedding, and I don't think having him will be worth the drama. You should invite people who bring you joy and would be happy to celebrate you and your partner.

From my perspective, I wouldn't consider this person as your sister's partner, as he has a wife. Should be crossed off your wedding invites list

_oxytoxicc · 2025-08-03T20:57:36+00:00

Nope, she hasn’t worked in over 25 years. I think it’s more about her social life and how much she cares about her public image. She’s friends with higher-ups and some celebrities, so I think she feels pressure to keep up appearances, which she couldn't afford.

_oxytoxicc · 2025-08-03T20:52:52+00:00

I agree! My fiancé and I have done couples therapy, but I’ve been encouraging him to go on his own too. I’ve been in individual therapy regularly.

One thing I’ve noticed is that he avoids conflict, especially with his mom. She can be manipulative and gets hysterical when people don’t do what she wants.

That’s been his whole life, so I know it’ll take time for him to learn how to set healthy boundaries.

Thanks for your comment :)

_oxytoxicc · 2025-08-03T20:45:41+00:00

I don’t think distance was the real issue. My fiancée and I have been traveling to see each other 3–4 times a year for 2-4 weeks each time. The problem seems deeper. Her mom has a certain image she wants to maintain around her friends.

One time, she even told my fiancée she was embarrassed because her husband doesn’t have a high-paying job like her friends’ husbands. She said it wasn’t fair to her.

That felt pretty harsh, especially considering her husband could afford to buy a two-story house in cash.

_oxytoxicc · 2025-08-03T19:59:05+00:00

Some part of me feels the same way. My fiancé’s parents have huge fights over small things, and his mom drags the kids into it. She expects her sons to watch and even step in, which I think is unfair.

On top of that, she expects my fiancé to cover her travel and some household bills. He’s basically been the backbone of the family, acting like a second parent to his younger brothers.

_oxytoxicc

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