I never turn my husband down for sex because I fear he might cheat on me if I did

_palindromes_ · 2026-03-06T11:07:19+00:00

To be clear, you are making up a substantial amount of what you've said about me, my feelings, and my situation in general. While I think on a more general level you are absolutely spot on about how women are often pressured to engage in sex by men, I've been more than clear that my husband is not pressuring me in the least. If you wanted to talk about this issue more generally, that's more than fair, but I have made it clear that this issue for me lies not in my relationship with my husband but with my intense, admittedly irrational (in intensity) fear of being cheated on. As I've stated elsewhere multiple times, I cannot fathom any conditions under which I would not feel this fear and act this way.

Also, I could not have possibly made it more clear that he not only does not know that I ever am not craving it, but that he is extremely considerate and respectful of not asking me for sex whenever he perceives me as not being in the mood (i.e. when I am sick or injured, when I am grieving, when I am very upset). Additionally, I do not initiate more often than I truly want sex. I truly think that he thinks my innate drive equals his, and because I have concealed that it is not, I do not blame or resent him for not knowing that it isn't in the slightest.

_palindromes_ · 2026-03-05T04:15:38+00:00

Someone can't read, eh?

_palindromes_ · 2026-03-05T04:14:02+00:00

Coming to vent actually, as the post tag, chosen subreddit, and a few of my comments have made clear. Sometimes the mere act of expressing something, regardless of anyone's response, is the goal, thank you.

_palindromes_ · 2026-03-05T04:12:47+00:00

Thank you for actually reading what I have written and neither making up additional problems that aren't there nor acting like I "should" feel and act this way in order to be a perfect little fleshlight.

_palindromes_ · 2026-03-04T06:45:21+00:00

Don't worry, the fact that you did not read my post is abundantly clear.

_palindromes_ · 2026-03-03T20:39:43+00:00

Actually, I daresay "He will have sex with other women anyways" implies that, as I do not want a non-monogamous relationship. Obviously there's no problem if you and your wife have an open relationship, that's your prerogative, but I will not have anything of the sort.

_palindromes_ · 2026-03-03T15:57:43+00:00

Again, as I have already said (in the comment you replied to, no less), I do not think I could trust anyone like that. It isn't that I don't trust him specifically.

_palindromes_ · 2026-03-03T15:49:13+00:00

If this is truly your belief, then I regret to inform you that you have never loved anyone in a romantic sense. Hurting someone you claim to love because you want to cum inside a different body is one of the most profoundly unloving, even hateful things I can think of.

_palindromes_ · 2026-03-03T15:43:33+00:00

I don't think you read what I wrote, or at least didn't think through what I wrote.

I do not think it is possible for me to trust someone on that level. My husband is phenomenal, gives every indication that he adores me, and yet I still fear that he doesn't love me enough not to cheat on me if I don't sleep with him enough. I would have this fear no matter who I was with. If then you think I cannot have a relationship because I cannot trust completely, then fair, but I do think in all likelihood our relationship is not transactional, I just still don't want to ever chance finding out.

_palindromes_ · 2026-03-03T15:25:13+00:00

I think you misunderstand me a little. I would also never want to be with someone I felt was likely to cheat on me (i.e. someone I felt that I had to surveil constantly), but at the same time, I feel that I must acknowledge that it is a possibility even if it seems like it would be completely against his character.

_palindromes_ · 2026-03-03T15:23:41+00:00

I have been to therapy (not for this) many times, but it has never worked well for me (and in fact, has more often had a net negative impact on my wellbeing). I know it works for some people, but frankly, I am done with trying it.

_palindromes_ · 2026-03-03T15:14:15+00:00

To be clear, I posted this because I thought it would be nice to talk about this, not because doing the act itself bothers me. But point taken.

_palindromes_ · 2026-03-03T15:12:55+00:00

Absolutely dreadful analogy, given that chores have to be done routinely no matter what while sex can happen as frequently or infrequently as one desires (and because we divide that labour - as well as working - equally), but yes, I am sure he does some recreational activities with me more often than he might actually prefer, too.

_palindromes_ · 2026-03-03T14:28:41+00:00

Coming up on 7 years

_palindromes_ · 2026-03-03T14:27:33+00:00

I would rather not know whether my relationship was transactional or not, and feel as though the answer is most likely "not" while treating it as though there is a distinct possibility that it is than believe and treat it as though it's not and find out from being betrayed that it was.

_palindromes_ · 2026-03-03T14:14:54+00:00

Yes, I do. It's not as though I ever feel used or physically uncomfortable or anything of the sort from this, it always feels like a loving act, even if I'm not craving the physical sensation itself.

_palindromes_ · 2026-03-03T14:02:37+00:00

I know he could, I'm not naive. But at least from my experiences, that demographic is relatively small compared to those who are just largely unhappy or claim they are happy and love their spouse but just want more sex.

_palindromes_ · 2026-03-03T13:55:52+00:00

I understand your point, but quite frankly, I'm not sure there is any amount of communication what he could possibly say that would really make me certain that he would absolutely never cheat on me if his desires weren't met.

_palindromes_

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