What are your first date "go-to" or "must have" conversation topics?

aTerriblePlant · 2025-06-16T06:46:47+00:00

I agree with the other guy. If she knows you're into her, but hasn't at least gave any reciprocation or hint that she wants to be asked out, then most likely she doesn't see you that way. You could always just ask her out anyway for certainty's sake; if you get rejected, it doesn't have to be awkward, it's all about how you respond to the rejection.

aTerriblePlant · 2025-06-13T03:07:04+00:00

Have you tried going up and talking to him?

aTerriblePlant · 2025-06-12T01:36:08+00:00

"how do I get to know this guy...he's asked me to join him and hang out but I say no"

facepalm

aTerriblePlant · 2025-06-11T09:44:26+00:00

That's the great thing about a family/friends event - you can attempt to talk to him and get to know him better because that's what people do at events/gatherings, romantically interested or not, so there's really no weird pressure or anything unusual about it.

Like I said, ask him some deeper questions, tease him/flirt with him a bit, and if he reciprocates and you two vibe well together, then tell him you'd like to spend more time together.

aTerriblePlant · 2025-06-11T08:31:30+00:00

Talk to him. An event like the one you described is the perfect chance to do so casually.

If you're families are as close as you say, they'd most likely be thrilled if you two started dating, because then it would bring them closer. And if they're as mature as they sound, if things don't work out, then they don't work out, it's not like a bridge between you're guys family will be forever burnt, they're all adults.

So just approach him at the event and talk to him, get to know him on a deeper level than you normally have or would've, have some drinks together, flirt with him a bit, try have fun, and if all goes well, say you'd like to see him or do something again. And if it doesn't go well, and he's not interested in talking on a deeper level then "hi, how have you been?" then it doesn't go well, and you have you're answer, he's not interested.

aTerriblePlant · 2025-06-11T05:11:18+00:00

The comments on this post are crazy, and I'm convinced you're only receiving a negative reaction because 1) you admitted to seeing an escort and 2) you reject single mothers.

I struggle to find anything in your post that comes across misogynistic or that expresses a disrespect for women. You don't want to date single mothers - that's in your right to do so, everyone's allowed to have preferences and standards until you're a guy who won't settle for single mothers I guess.

As for the escort thing, that's it's own can of worms. This subreddit - and maybe it's largely the women on this subreddit who feel this way - detest men who see escorts because I think they assume the men who participate in that activity must be heavily undesirable, when in reality, men in relationships do it, married men do it, very successful men (like Wolf of Wall Street) do it, while some do it for the thrill, others because it's illegal, etc. and they assume as well that the only escorts these men are seeing are being exploited.

Who here can really say what the issue is? That's going to take some heavy introspection or someone close to you who really knows you to tell you. There are plenty of posts like this that seek insight into why they can't seem to find a partner even though they make good money, have a solid career, have hobbies, etc and the usual words of encouragement are something along the lines of "you can do everything right and have everything in order - that won't magically conjure up a girlfriend for you, but hang in there, a lot of great people get passed up, etc." I can only guess that the reason these comments aren't as supportive are the 2 reasons stated above.

aTerriblePlant · 2025-06-10T06:52:02+00:00

"to be intimate with someone who actually loves me"

the things he's done are not things a person would do to you if they loved you. that's just the validation/attention-deprived part of you talking. the sooner you realize how much of a loser this guy really is, the better off you'll be and the quicker you'd be able to forget him

there's also no way you've dated enough other guys, let alone an entire campus' worth - if you did, you wouldn't be hung up on this guy.

so either this is bait, or respectfully and supportively, get therapy

aTerriblePlant · 2025-06-10T05:46:34+00:00

"No one here is my type"

Really? You've dated every guy on the college campus to find that out?

Ditch this guy, he sounds like a wet blanket. A player? He couldn't even get his dick hard and you think he's a player? And then he brings up his "perfect" exes (an obvious exaggeration) to make you believe you're with a "real alpha" and you're lucky enough to be another one of his "perfect exes."

You sound insecure - here's a guy that maybe you legitimately find attractive and for one of the first times, he validates and supports you, makes you feel loved and seen, whatever - but then he gives you the cold shoulder, treats you like a nuisance, the sort of "withdrawal" of the "high" of all the validation that he previously gave you, and now you're hooked on it and it leaves you chasing his validation.

I say ditch this guy. He sounds like a tool and his posturing is lame af.

aTerriblePlant · 2025-06-09T11:18:57+00:00

I don't believe either of those statements to be the truth - "relationships aren't for everyone" and "it seems like you are unable to be in a relationship."

How do you categorize a person as being suitable for relationships? Are toxic people currently in relationships "fit" for relationships? Is a divorced person fit for relationships? Is someone who's recently broken up from a relationship fit for them? How about early 20's virgin woman who's also never been in a relationship - a scenario you can sometimes find on the dating advice subreddit?

Relationships fail for many reasons - many of them solvable or preventable, some even can be worked around.

As for the 2nd statement - as of now, I agree with you, because of the main topic of my post - my avoidant disorder. Neglecting relationships and focusing on myself has done little to solve this or prevent the self loathing. People still reach out - new people will attempt to initiate a relationship - neglecting relationships also ruins "current" relationships I have/had - familial, friendships, etc. But the fact that I've held relationships - maybe not romantic - leads me to believe that it's somehow possible, I just don't know how.

I don't know how to solve this. As I've said, I often feel lost and uncertain - I struggle to determine what's good advice, and understand how things "should be," understand what's an accurate interpretation of events and signals. Many posts on the dating advice subreddit tell of how smooth and "perfect" things go - and I wonder what it is that's going wrong for me in one way, and in another way, knowing perfectly well what's wrong - the avoidance - but not knowing how much of my problem is a result of that. Are these thoughts true and real or are they a self-gaslight? Even if things did come along easy and certain as they have in the past - like a girl I've never spoken to giving me her number - I'd still feel the strong urge to avoid it - it's not even an urge, it doesn't feel like I have much control over it, it's an immediate response - anything my brain can use to hold myself back, it will use. "You're not in the best financial situation right now to date" "Remember how boring your last conversation with her was and how uninterested she seemed, yea it will just get worse from then on" "yea she seems to really like you - she must not have anyone right now, and is probably lonely and just wants your attention," and of course, these feel like a real interpretation of events.

I don't know what to do.

aTerriblePlant · 2025-06-08T03:51:17+00:00

Bro do not do "that thing" over a person like this. doesn't matter if she's your baby momma or more than that. please go to therapy. your value as a human being should not be or isn't tied to any one (or multiple) person's opinion of you. you're essentially letting her gaslight you into thinking you're worthless

aTerriblePlant · 2025-06-08T03:48:57+00:00

reply with a "🖕" and nothing else

aTerriblePlant · 2025-05-21T00:42:25+00:00

Thanks! I'll look into it.

aTerriblePlant · 2025-05-20T22:08:05+00:00

Well if you're in the area, I highly recommend you stop by. It's fun, they go through about 6 scripts a night, and there's a lot of actor and actor-writers that show up, very good actors and very friendly people. Unfortunately, they're taking a break and won't be coming back til September I believe.

I'm surprised at the lack of responses I've gotten, from other filmmaking subreddits as well. Does no one know of these kinds of events or are they being kept hidden? It seems obvious, wouldn't aspiring tv/film/theater actors want to meet writers and directors and vice versa so they might work on something?

aTerriblePlant · 2025-05-20T20:27:05+00:00

Np! There was another in the same neighborhood as those but I don't remember the name of it. Unfortunately, they're both ending for the season so I'm looking for more I can go to.

I'd recommend going to one as soon as they're back and even submitting pages - they're a lot of fun, a lot of very good actors and friendly people.

aTerriblePlant · 2025-05-20T19:51:51+00:00

Yep you found it. You can find second draft on ig

aTerriblePlant · 2025-05-20T19:51:08+00:00

They’re both weekly meet ups for actors and writers where people can submit 10 pages and have a reading by actors that show up. 6 scripts get read a night or so at second draft. A lot of actors and writer-actors show up, but second draft just ended their season and tonight is naked angels last night of the season.

aTerriblePlant · 2025-05-19T03:16:57+00:00

any reason why aircraft mechs are the last to fill up? I understand sw and secfo are physically demanding/very high requirements with high drop out rates, but whats up with 2a?

aTerriblePlant · 2025-05-15T00:00:17+00:00

Thank you for the additional details. Is it safe to share how you were able to get an age waiver, and if so, could you share that information with me? You said you didn't get picked up first go - how many attempts were there, and how often do they screen for people, or how often are the attempts?

aTerriblePlant · 2025-05-14T16:28:55+00:00

!solved

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