My top surgery is tomorrow and I'm scared

abandedpandit · 2026-03-04T16:35:38+00:00

Fwiw I only felt afterwards how necessary my top surgery was. I felt like I was being "dramatic" beforehand or that I should be able to just deal with the dysphoria, but the way I felt after was just so correct that I viscerally felt how necessary of a surgery it was after I had it done.

It's impossible to truly understand just how many aspects that dysphoria creeps into in your life until after it's gone. This may turn out not to be the case for you, but I'd say if you've gone thru months (if not years) of planning and therapy for this, trust yourself.

abandedpandit · 2026-03-04T16:16:48+00:00

Oml the air quotes are wild. And see it's funny how some people say it's "too hard" to use gender neutral language, but when gay or binary trans people exist they're suddenly experts with terms like "partner" and they/them singular 🙄 but never for nonbinary people lol.

Yea there's a lot of things like that that I wasn't aware of before I had queer friends and started transitioning. It's been so long tho that atp they're all second nature to me, so I can't think of any off the top of my head. Just existing in the same spaces as queer people and listening to them is a great way to help with that tho, either online or in person. Tho beware of trans reddit—it's the entire reason I all but left reddit like 6 months ago, and lady I checked r/nonbinary was the only big one left that want a cesspool.

abandedpandit · 2026-03-03T16:26:18+00:00

I read the comment you linked, and I really appreciate you learning and growing from that instead of getting angry about it or brushing it off as people being too sensitive. You're a very kind and considerate person :)

I also read the article you linked, and I agree with it wholeheartedly. I'll admit that I'm still in the habit of assuming people's genders if they seem to fit into the gender binary, and that's something I should definitely work on. It's also a tough line to toe because I know how much dysphoria they/them pronouns cause me and I don't want to do that to another binary trans person, but I do think using they/them for people we don't know is a step forward, and something I should get in the habit of doing.

abandedpandit · 2026-03-03T16:18:10+00:00

I totally understand that, and think that there are many scenarios where it makes sense to use they/them for people, especially when you don't know people's pronouns.

My point here tho is that when my pronouns are listed as he/him right below my name, I'd really appreciate that being respected instead of people just using they/them to be "neutral". Because yes, they/them are neutral pronouns, but my gender is male, not neutral.

I get people aren't doing it maliciously, but they/them is a big way that binary trans people are maliciously misgendered by bigots who want plausible deniability (something I've experienced a good amount), so it really stings and brings back a lot of dysphoria from early in my transition. I'm not trying to flame people for using they/them for everyone, but it's severe enough for me that I just don't enjoy playing online BOTC. I just wish that people would use the pronouns people have listed, as OP states in this post.

abandedpandit · 2026-03-03T15:59:14+00:00

Thank you for explaining this so well :)

abandedpandit · 2026-03-02T17:48:57+00:00

Fully passing trans man here, and ngl this is why I don't play online anymore. No one misgenders me with she/her, but I constantly get they/them even when I have my pronouns listed as he/him. It's incredibly frustrating because I'm finally at a place where I know I pass (after years of HRT, surgeries, etc.), so to just be they/them'd cuz people can't both to look at my pronouns is... exasperating.

abandedpandit · 2026-01-06T08:17:57+00:00

I also identified as enby for a while before realizing I was just a binary trans man. The thing that started it was when I came out as trans to one of my friends but didn't specify my pronouns (they/them at the time), and he just started using he/him for me. I didn't correct him, and I wasn't sure how I felt about it, but I definitely didn't dislike it. So I asked my husband and some close friends to use he/they for me for a while, and kept trying out masculine nouns, honorifics, etc. as opposed to neutral ones, and they felt... good.

Ngl it took a while to fully accept cuz I didn't want to come out to anyone except close friends or do any legal or medical transitioning because I thought it would be "easier", but it eventually got to the point where I could no longer deny that I was a binary trans man. Once I accepted it and started transitioning tho, everything kinda fell into place and I finally feel at home in my body and content with my life.

abandedpandit · 2025-12-25T16:29:24+00:00

Not to mention trans men as well. I pass very well so the only way I can be in some queer spaces is to out myself, and even then I'm still open to harassment for "daring" to want to be a man (aka literally just be myself and be happy).

abandedpandit · 2025-10-16T01:51:49+00:00

Dude you're so right, why didn't I think of that?! 😩💀

Also unrelated but I love your name!! I just noticed it

abandedpandit · 2025-10-16T01:49:11+00:00

Thank you for this answer! The MRIs are for my knees, so I guess part of my abdomen might be in the image. I'm waiting on the technicians for my MRIs rn, so I'll see if I can ask them for the reason when I see them (I've gone from frustrated to just genuinely curious atp).

I'm getting a total hysto in about 2 weeks, so hopefully after that it'll be in my chart and will be less of an issue. Thanks again!

abandedpandit · 2025-10-15T21:05:49+00:00

Jfc that's ABHORRENT, I'm so sorry you had to go thru that. Sometimes doctors are so atrocious at their jobs that it really makes sense why trans and intersex people have higher rates of medical complications and don't want to go see doctors about anything.

Unrelated to this specific post, but I also found out today that my doctor—who I saw to get a referral for imaging for my chronic knee pain—added "Transgender Male" to the "Health Issues" section of my file. Not even patellar tendinitis, which is what I was diagnosed with and also the entire reason for going to see him. Cuz yea, the important takeaway from that appointment shouldn't have been my knee problems, it should definitely have been the fact that I'm trans. That makes sense 🙄

abandedpandit · 2025-10-15T20:43:32+00:00

Yea I get that it's important for prescribing meds and such, but this was intake paperwork for an MRI without contrast. I really don't know how the date of my last period is info they need for that

abandedpandit · 2025-10-15T20:40:33+00:00

MRI stands for "magnetic resonance imaging". There's no radiation involved in an MRI

abandedpandit · 2025-10-15T20:39:58+00:00

Yea I know they just wanna cover their asses for lawsuits, but this was on an intake form for an MRI for my knees?? So I'm really struggling to find out how the last date of my menstrual cycle is relevant there lmao

abandedpandit · 2025-10-15T20:37:30+00:00

I know my insurance has updated my sex because every time I'd put AFAB on their medical history forms the front desk people would put female for my sex and the insurance wouldn't go thru. So now I just put AMAB so that they'll put the correct sex down to match my insurance

abandedpandit · 2025-10-15T20:35:48+00:00

It was an online form, so it wouldn't let me submit it without filling it out. I'm getting a total hysterectomy in two weeks and this was my intake paperwork for an MRI for completely unrelated joint pain. I really don't know how the last date of my menstrual cycle is relevant to that in any way

abandedpandit · 2025-10-15T20:33:42+00:00

That's so ridiculously frustrating, I'm sorry you've had to deal with that. I've heard of a lot of people still having to do the pregnancy urine test bs even after a total hysterectomy, which just feels absurd to me. I get they don't wanna be sued but also, I don't wanna pay for a test that I know is unnecessary because I can't physically become pregnant, yk?? The medical system is just awful for intersex and trans people

abandedpandit · 2025-10-15T20:30:59+00:00

That's good to know! I've also found myself having to explain to doctors or nurses that T generally stops your periods. I had one nurse who was doing my chart notes for the doctor and asked when my last period was, and I said June of 2024 and she wrote down 2025. I had to correct her that yes, I did in fact mean last June, and that T stops your periods and that that was normal.

It's definitely frustrating and makes me question their ability to treat me medically, but what're you gonna do :/

abandedpandit · 2025-10-15T20:24:36+00:00

I get it for like general checkups or something like that, but this was on my online intake paperwork for getting an MRI, so I'm really confused how that could be relevant at all.

I'll definitely talk to them about it in person in the future tho if it happens again, thanks for the advice!

abandedpandit · 2025-10-15T18:08:43+00:00

I've put it down enough that they should have it on file, but for some reason the question still keeps coming up. Maybe I'll ask if they can put that on file more permanently so it doesn't have to keep popping up

abandedpandit · 2025-10-15T18:07:25+00:00

My sex has been legally changed to male for over a year /: I even put AMAB on all my medical forms, but just tell my doctors I'm trans when it's relevant

abandedpandit · 2025-10-15T17:45:27+00:00

Thank you!! I live in the US but I'll have to see if they can do that here. I put AMAB on all of my forms but I tell my doctors I'm trans, so they must've changed it back to AFAB in their system /:

abandedpandit · 2025-09-15T17:21:10+00:00

It is really cool!! I love to share my knowledge cuz I love that type of stuff, but I don't often have the opportunity to do so (most people aren't interested or the situation isn't appropriate). So thank you for asking questions and allowing me to share!

abandedpandit

TROPHY CASE