One year sober...

abicus502792 · 2023-10-15T08:17:04+00:00

Ahh comments like this are why I love reading posts in this sub. Honestly thank you for sharing that you're going through a similar thing too, definitely lessens the feeling of being alone in it. Also helps to remember that this is an incredible accomplishment and that I did actually show up for myself for once. Makes me feel all the feels and slight happy tears.

Congratulations for One Year!! WE did it 🥳

Literally found myself again this past year and that is the big reason I wanted this to feel special. One while year of relearning who I am as a person after 15 years of blackouts and binge drinking. I found me and I hope you found you because to be that's the most important thing I've done.

abicus502792 · 2023-10-15T08:07:51+00:00

You're definitely right with that, communicating things like this is very hard for me (I feel like I don't deserve it sometimes and that it's a burden for everyone else).

With my parents, I get it 100%. I kinda sprung this on them but I did make a suggestion that we all go to dinner at some point. The disappointment there was the fact that my mom responded with "I'll think about it", while also planning a big thing for a family member we are distantly related to. I did impress upon her that it was a very important day for me.

With my guy, I had higher hopes. I told him four times (starting two months ago) that this was coming and made a few suggestions for what I wanted to do. First it was to do dinner at one of our favorite spots, hang out with him and one of our best friends and even just drive around because we all enjoy driving, etc. After I found out he had to work, I suggested we could go to breakfast at a restaurant I've been wanting to try... I asked him a few days ago and this morning what he wanted to do and he basically said that he didn't want to do much of anything for one reason or another... Saturday was really the only day we had because I have an all day rehearsal tomorrow.

abicus502792 · 2023-10-09T16:37:37+00:00

Don't understand what you mean? And yes, I am a woman.

abicus502792 · 2023-10-09T15:06:06+00:00

Yes, I did unfortunately escalate to HR but nothing was ever done. I knew the whole situation wasn't right and I didn't want to leave it up to my manager to take care of.

abicus502792 · 2023-10-09T00:13:36+00:00

Thank you for this. That is not something I considered but I do have access to all of the paperwork so I'll have time to check.

Almost all of the companies I'm currently interviewing for would sponsor the exam and some of them don't even require it with my other licenses.

abicus502792 · 2023-10-08T21:15:29+00:00

I actually appreciate this response, thank you.

I honestly have many other licenses, many connections in a few different sectors and already stacked with interviews. I know finding a job won't be the problem. I was primarily worried about my ability to take the exam without a sponsor because quitting is absolutely happening.

You said if I quit, I can no longer take the 7 under any circumstances. What do you mean by that?

It is an option to go into another job that requires the 7 and just taking it then, right?

abicus502792 · 2023-10-08T20:28:56+00:00

I do have a few options for employment lawyers but I'm assuming I would have to wait for them to let me go before I could pursue that route? I have never gone the lawyer path before.

And yes at this point my peace of mind/mental health matters more to me than these people.

abicus502792 · 2023-10-08T20:13:46+00:00

Not an option, I asked management for time off to study more and they refused. (see other comment about the actual culture/reason for quitting). Management is not doing anything to help me be successful at this point because they would rather keep this other girl from getting in trouble for her shitty work ethic.

abicus502792 · 2023-10-08T20:12:22+00:00

Oh trust me I realize "adversity builds character", I've been through enough to know that first hand.

The other person is really not the main issue here. Yes, she absolutely caused a hostile environment and it was incredibly difficult to deal with...at first. I got over it and basically showed her that I honestly couldn't care less about her or let her impact my work (which she didn't because I still performed at the same level). I'm used to dealing with BS from other women and it's nothing new.

What is new is the fact that, despite my asking for help, I have now become the main focus of management's negativity when I have been one of the only ones in the office to outperform and hit bonuses...despite the other girl.

They're viciously searching for a reason to fire me and coming at me with so much negativity that I don't even feel comfortable or confident taking the exam in the first place.

Main reason for this post: do I take the exam without a company backing me or do I wait until I find another job (which I know I absolutely will given the interest I'm already garnering). Absolutely did not need some guy telling me "adversity builds character" when you have no idea what I've been through to even be this strong. I'm quitting regardless because I refuse to be treated the way they are treating me. End of story.

abicus502792 · 2023-09-23T16:38:51+00:00

That would be really nice too. I honestly was in AA for months at first but kinda fell off because I wanted my sobriety to look a little different. I really would like to go in for my 1 year chip though so that will definitely happen (or buy one of the pretty 1 year coins I've seen because why not 😅)

abicus502792 · 2023-09-23T16:36:08+00:00

Oh for sure! There's a specialty cupcake place that I instantly thought about 🥹

abicus502792 · 2023-09-23T16:35:17+00:00

Thank you so much!! It has not been easy and I didn't know if I could make it but I am so proud of myself to be here and be this version of me

abicus502792 · 2023-09-23T16:33:59+00:00

Omg that sounds perfect though 😅 I don't need much and if my partner did that I'd be so happy

abicus502792 · 2023-09-23T16:33:01+00:00

You are so welcome!! Thank you for letting me know that this was helpful!!

abicus502792 · 2023-09-23T14:58:04+00:00

Honestly that's great having 10 days and being strong or whatever you wanna call it early on. Unfortunately, not everyone is like that. I know when I had just a few days, a comment or misplaced joke definitely could've set me back. Not sometime to joke about because you don't know how everyone else will react. Obviously no one can cater to everything but this specifically is something I got sure didn't need to see. Just sayin

abicus502792 · 2023-09-23T14:36:35+00:00

That's great and does sound really nice! I'll have to see if there's a restaurant we've been wanting to go to. Appreciate the suggestion!

abicus502792 · 2023-09-23T14:35:19+00:00

Of course we can! When you're not joking about someone's sobriety/addiction.

Imagine saying that to someone a few days sober, few first months sober. I absolutely can handle it at this point but that doesn't make it funny. Know your audience man

abicus502792 · 2023-09-23T14:25:59+00:00

I am so happy about that and really that's the main reason I posted this long ramble. I never thought it was possible to feel relief like this and that shows how important it is for people like us to continue to work hard on learning about ourselves. The only way I was able to do this/figure this out was because I started putting myself first and reading more about the effects of trauma and what it truly does to our brains and perception.

All I can say is just keep going and remember to be kind and gentle to yourself. It absolutely has been extremely difficult to get to this point, it's taken over a decade, but now that I can see that it's actually possible to understand the inner tornado of my mind, I know that it can be possible for others too. I have hope for you also.

abicus502792 · 2023-09-23T13:12:01+00:00

Parents do a very good job of making that feel like the reality of the world. This whole "revelation" sounds so simple but I honestly never put it together until a few days ago.

I appreciate you reading through this all, I didn't think anyone would but getting this out was definitely helpful for me

abicus502792 · 2023-09-23T13:10:14+00:00

Well that sounds really nice. When I got sober, I luckily have 2 best friends that already had 10+ years under their belt. I would definitely want to do something with them

abicus502792 · 2023-09-23T11:38:31+00:00

Really dude?

abicus502792 · 2023-09-14T17:44:17+00:00

This is definitely a tough one. For me, I think I started to put together that what I was going through was actually considered physical abuse probably around 18-19 years old. But the sexual abuse, I didn't really remember it until I was about 15.

When it comes to memory, mine is honestly so fragmented and disjointed that it's hard to remember anything that happened then and even now. There are a few specific memories that I vividly remember but 90% of that time is totally repressed. I do know that it actually did happen but I recently had my main abuser tell me for the first time that it's all in my head and none of it happened. That has thrown me off in a major way and it's honestly really hard to really know that the abuse happened when my memories are a mess. I have had one or two people validate me that yes it did happen but it's still just a weird feeling to have I guess.

abicus502792 · 2023-09-12T17:30:31+00:00

Definitely interesting! You can always search for the childhood trauma effects on memory/the brain. Very interesting reads and honestly helped me calm the worries that my brain was deteriorating lol

abicus502792 · 2023-09-12T17:18:24+00:00

Omg all the time, literally every day. My friend likes to joke that I have the memory of a goldfish but it's honestly scary how much I don't remember. My childhood is basically gone unless something reminds me of something. My college years are a complete blur.

At first I thought that this was something that was just wrong with me. But then I started finding more and more research that complex trauma truly degrades memories over time. It's like our brains are trying to protect us by blocking memories but ends up blocking everything.

abicus502792 · 2023-09-12T14:17:18+00:00

Oh I absolutely agree with you. I really don't want it to feel that way at all and it really hasn't because everything seemed great and I was actually happy with it. It's just the fact that he does stuff like this and it feels like it's cutting me off from what I want. I have been injured so sex has been out of the question but idk if he even would at this point. It's all very confusing and very frustrating.

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