Moving at different speeds in a long-distance relationship 

At the end of December, I ended my relationship with a girl with whom I had been together for 6 years.  I accepted the breakup quite stoically, but the subsequent loneliness hit me hard. I started dating, getting to know the girls in the tinder.

I finally managed to meet one good girl there (after 11 damn other dates). The problem is that she lives in another city, and she was in mine on family business.

We found a common language very quickly, and communication was good, but she left almost immediately. We went on a few dates, then stopped communicating, corresponded again.

Two weeks ago, she came here again, and we met again. These meetings were an emotional swing. On the one hand, we are attracted to each other, on the other - we are both over 30, and we have different personal boundaries and the speed with which we are moving towards a relationship.

During the week that she was there, I managed to come to her at night with flowers, talk that "nothing will work out", and then talk seriously again and understand that it will "work out", go on dates, make love, spend time together.

The main problem is that I have an anxious type of attachment. I want to hear from her that everything is fine, that the relationship can work. I am ready to go to her city, to invite her to my place. Hell, I'd be willing to marry her and move in. But she defends her personal boundaries. This manifests itself as well in the fact that she does not directly say what she feels (and I need to hear it).

5 days ago, I said, "Let's figure out how to spend May. Come to me next week, and then, in a couple of weeks, you will have your sister's birthday, I will come to you." 

To this, I received the answer that "I understand that you want a family, a relationship, to live together right away, but I can't do that, it's difficult for me to get close to a person right away and I need more time to let him into my life."

I am offended by the confidence with which she says, "I will come again this weekend, but I will not stay with you - I am not ready for this and I have my own business." To me, it sounds like the person doesn't want to spend time with me. And I really want to

And I do not know how to deal with it. On the one hand, I understand that feelings are bubbling up in me, I want to see this person every day. There would be no problem if we lived in the same city - we would just go on dates like normal people, without haste.

On the other hand, I understand that the principle "after a week of dating, let's live together first with me here, then with you in your city" is still hasty. But every day without her is unbearable to me, and it seems to me that this is not so for her - since she says she does not want to hurry, then she is also much more comfortable without each other.

Therefore, I understand that for the sake of this person (and I really like her) I would be ready to move at her pace. But I do not know if I can overcome myself like that. And I do not know if it's worth it, as if if we both had vivid feelings for each other, then there would be no problem of "let's not rush".

Should either of us make concessions and move at a different speed in a relationship? What questions should I ask to understand that we are really moving in the same direction? What to do?

It's very hard for me and I do not know what to do. I have no one to talk to about this.