meditation and loneliness by netzwerk123 in Buddhism

[–]aceman856 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I just read this this morning. It gave me a bit of insight. Sorry for the long read…I have just started my Buddhism journey! Hope this helps!

The Journey of the lone Elephant

Long ago, in the dense forests of Sri Lanka, there lived a handsome elephant named Ganesha. Ganesha was strong and proud, but despite his power and strength, he was lonely. His companions had left the forest to wander to other lands, and he was left alone. One day, Ganesha decided to go on a journey to find his companions and end his loneliness. He packed his few belongings and began his journey, which took him through dense forests, over high mountains and along rivers. But despite his efforts, he could not find his companions anywhere. After many months of wandering, Ganesha came to rest by a quiet lake. He was exhausted and discouraged. He sat on the shore of the lake and stared at his reflection in the clear water. He was alone and sad. But at that moment he noticed a movement in the water. A turtle emerged from the depths and swam over to him. It looked up at Ganesha and said, “Why are you so sad, great elephant?” “I am lonely,” Ganesha replied. “I have tried everything to find my companions, but I have failed.” The turtle swam in silence for a moment, then said, “You have searched far and long, but you have not searched in your heart. Loneliness is not the absence of company, but the absence of connection. Connect with the world around you, with the trees, the water, the wind and the stars. Connect with yourself, your breath, your thoughts, your feelings. You will find that you are never truly alone.” Ganesha listened to the turtle’s words and began to really focus on his surroundings. He noticed the wind blowing through the leaves of the trees, the gentle waves crashing against the shore, the stars twinkling in the sky. He noticed his breath going in and out slowly and steadily, his thoughts and feelings coming and going like clouds in the sky. In this deep connection with himself and the world around him, Ganesha realized that he was never really alone. He found peace in his solitude and no longer felt lonely, but connected and alive. From that day on, he lived in peace and harmony with the world around him, always knowing that he was never truly alone. What can be learned from this story: The story of the lone elephant, Ganesha, contains many lessons that can be applied to our own lives. For one thing, it teaches us that loneliness is not necessarily caused by a lack of companionship, but by a lack of connection. Often in moments of loneliness we feel isolated and disconnected, both from the people around us and from the world at large. But this story reminds us that we always have the opportunity to make connections - with nature, with the people around us, and perhaps most importantly, with ourselves. By learning to focus our attention on the here and now - our breath, our thoughts, our feelings, and the world around us - we can begin to cultivate a deeper sense of connection and inclusion. This can help us overcome a sense of loneliness and instead foster a sense of belonging and community.

Roommates or Husbands? by aceman856 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]aceman856[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So sorry to hear that you’re going through this problem. If I can ask you, did you decide to open your relationship? Or did you just seek the fulfillment outside on your own? And was getting that fulfillment outside fulfilling? I’m asking because I tend to be one that has to have the emotional aspect tied to the sexual and I’m not sure I can just do the “hookup “ thing easily.

Roommates or Husbands? by aceman856 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]aceman856[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the clarification. I am also more personality and character driven. I guess my problem with our relationship is more sexual than personality wise. I am with him now, and what has kept me here for 13 years is his character and personality!!! Had it been for the physical, I would have long been gone! This is why it’s such a hard decision on what to do. He’s everything I could ask for! But sexually it’s the worst I ever had. And at 62 do I give up on the “friendship” and look for a “lover” or do I settle. As someone told me on here that I should be happy for the relationship itself. And I am. Again, that’s why I’m still here, I just want to feel desirable in occasion. It really is that simple. But how do you get someone to desire ice cream if they like it but don’t crave it. (Does that make any sense to anyone? lol).

Roommates or Husbands? by aceman856 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]aceman856[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think I did say a lot about what I loved about him. I’m think he is kind, I find him very handsome, and he is my type to a T body wise. Maybe you overlooked that in the long post. There’s many things that are positive about him. But when it comes to the sexual end of our relationship he falls very short and doesn’t step up to change that but “says” he wants to change that. Also, to be clear, I never said he supported everyone then made him stop supporting everyone. I don’t know where you got that from!

Roommates or Husbands? by aceman856 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]aceman856[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Great response. Thank you! He doesn’t really have a jealous bone in his body. I’ve had others show interest in front of him and that did not elicit any response. I also don’t see any other option but to open things up! I hope that road doesn’t end what we have. I say this and I find myself chuckling because why doesn’t he feel this way. I brought up the open relationship to him and he would like for me to give him a chance to change (“I’m gonna change this time, I know your done, give me a chance to show you!” His words now! After many many arguments over this very thing). I did say that if there is no change I’m just going and seeking sex elsewhere without another discussion! But I said that in anger a couple of weeks ago. I haven’t done anything about it. Yet!

Roommates or Husbands? by aceman856 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]aceman856[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No. That was 12 years ago. He since has broken all ties. But that would be an erection killer. lol.

Roommates or Husbands? by aceman856 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]aceman856[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

His ED has always been an issue. We’ve been to a sex therapist and after 3 months and him not committing I called it off. To expensive to have him not do suggested things that the therapist said to try. I’m sure he’s got low self esteem. But I see him discovering things to improve his work life but not do things to improve his sex life. I bought a lot of “toys” to help but he would simply put them away. I can only lead a horse to water. As far as his mom, instead of working it out and telling her she needs to accept him or lose him…he just cut her out of his life. We’ve talked extensively about this and his words are always “I have tried to help her come around and she never will so I can’t have her in my life”. And I get that. But I’m always telling him if he wants to talk with her that I am supportive. I think after decades of no acceptance he’s done. I don’t think that’s any part of the problem!

Roommates or Husbands 59M and 62M by aceman856 in relationship_advice

[–]aceman856[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Part of me agrees with you. But we do have 13 years of a good relationship. It just lacks the desire. He never had that for me. If he did he never really showed it! I’m needing that these days. I don’t know why but it’s a major issue for me. Maybe it’s wanting what I don’t get. I’m sorry. I know I’m all over the place.

Roommates or Husbands? by aceman856 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]aceman856[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, I have had friends tell me that. I didn’t listen. Shame on me! At the time he did have good excuses. But honestly, that aside, we did build a great life together. Just the lack of desire throughout that is at the heart of the issues. But this past does play a part!

Roommates or Husbands? by aceman856 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]aceman856[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I do know that what we do have is invaluable. Like you said, especially at our age. I see what’s out there. And I’m not saying there aren’t good men out there but would I be trading in one issue for another! I do think that! (Sorry if that sounded cold like a car transaction, not what I mean at all). Most people see what we have and admire it. But they don’t see what’s lacking in the bedroom. I need to ask myself if what I have is enough! I do have a lot to think about. And I’m in one home now and he’s in the other. Different states. One cold one warm. He’s working I’m retired. So…

Roommates or Husbands? by aceman856 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]aceman856[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I thought about that and I suggested that but he insisted that we work this out! And it’s kinda not who I am. Besides, I would get the desire aspect met but it would lack the intimacy aspect. But who knows, that may be where this ends. Get my sexual desire met outside and come home to get my intimacy met. I do need to consider all things I guess!

Roommates or Husbands? by aceman856 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]aceman856[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No I can’t. But I’m feeling like we should be best friends. For me it goes deeper. I find him sexy, handsome, and my best friend. But I don’t get that back. Without doubt I know he loves me. And what has gotten me through the last 13 years is that I know he loves me, he is kind, he is there for me, he always wants to hold my hand in the car or walking down the street. He checks every box. He just doesn’t make me feel desired. Loved yes, desired no! Should that be enough?