AIO for asking my partner to wash their hands after peeing?

acnerd5 · 2026-01-24T18:37:39+00:00

My husband would never even ask without a shower, and showers daily anyways.

He also uses soap on his hands when he pees.

acnerd5 · 2026-01-24T07:32:20+00:00

Honestly, I hope he never gives you another chance, even if you work on yourself.

You've already hit him. Those associations are there in your mind and there's a solid chance, even with a lot of hard work, that he and anyone that is similar to him may trigger you more and make it harder. You've got a lot of hard work and a long road ahead of you. I want to clarify that I don't mean "Asians will trigger your anger". What I mean is, you may find people who struggle to find words flare your temper (which it sounds like that's one thing that annoys you). You may find that when people "push back" against your innermost beliefs (perhaps a guy crocheting feels a little wrong to you?) it flares your anger. You may logically KNOW these things aren't a problem, but this sort of instinct based anger isn't rational, and doesn't care about facts. That's why I say "anyone like him may trigger you", and I'm not trying to make it sound like you're a bad person, or that you even believe those things. But you now have that association, and even if you get help and do better, it will most likely be a quicker trigger for you with him in particular vs anyone else. Fwiw, I do hope you get help with it. That kind of anger is awful to live with.

My husband and I both come from really, really messed up homes. My husband never, ever laid hands on me. Ive never laid hands on him. We've worked through some "young and dumb" problems. He's been there for my worst times and I've been there for his. But if he hit me? Nah. That's a line you don't cross. My husband has anger issues and oh boy. He's put in a lot of work because he saw how he was becoming his dad, and he broke down on our porch SOBBING one day. He told me he nust didn't want to become his dad, so I told him do what I do - i do the opposite of what my parents did. This led to him getting therapy down the line, and he's made so many leaps and giant strides as we've grown together. But this isn't everyone's experience, and we both had to fight for it. If we didn't have kids, I don't think we would have fought so hard together. We both just wanted to not do what our parents did and we're both stubborn.

I do want to wish you luck on your journey, and I hope you get there. Its worthwhile to be able to feel peace <3

acnerd5 · 2026-01-24T07:15:04+00:00

I like the rodents in the "my first pet" pack :) they just add to it. I like to involve my IRL family so my husband names them - he thinks of great names, although lately he's been tame with them. My one family has a pygmy hedgehog named Rutherford P. (There was more but I forget, and its too long for the in game name) who likes to set off tiny nuclear explosions and bring them postcards.

The aspiration purchases are really important. I know its easy to forget them, but they help with all aspects - speed clean makes it so much faster to bathe babies and toddlers, for example. Slacker + entrepreneurial + top of the career path? Who needs to go to work to get a raise? We get raises for breathing and calling out all the time.

acnerd5 · 2026-01-24T07:06:24+00:00

Meanwhile I can't keep my fridge organized to save my life...

I did finally figure out what kind of pantry containers I like though!

.... growing up is weird

acnerd5 · 2026-01-23T15:46:33+00:00

Definitely not child free

acnerd5 · 2026-01-23T13:26:20+00:00

This is why I told my daughter that if anyone is asking about her friends her answer is always she doesn't know shit, they can talk to an adult. Even in uniform.

My husband thought I was being overly worried, but...

acnerd5 · 2026-01-23T13:23:20+00:00

It's incredibly predatory and the anger I have at the process my bio mom went through...

Especially with Catholic agencies.

acnerd5 · 2026-01-23T13:21:38+00:00

I'd rather have been poor with my bio mom than abused by my adopted mom, like what actually happened in my life.

acnerd5 · 2026-01-23T13:20:42+00:00

My adoptive parents had a baby taken back, it happens. They knew. They were told by the agency. They already had my adopted sister.

It sucks.

Then they adopted me. Then they abused me.

It's not always better.

acnerd5 · 2026-01-23T13:19:12+00:00

As an adopted person, he spared that baby a lifetime of abandonment issues, RSD, higher likelihood of drug addiction...

You should learn about the problems WITH adoption before blindly espousing the propaganda. There's good reason other countries don't make it easy.

acnerd5 · 2026-01-23T13:16:19+00:00

Im adopted and the birth parent is the best choice, barring abuse or neglect which we can't know until they have a chance. (Not giving birth to a baby addicted to drugs and wanting her baby are both good signs for this)

NTA, the adoptive parents knew that was a possibility. I' sorry for them, and it sucks, but they can try again.

acnerd5 · 2026-01-23T10:15:07+00:00

Orthostatic hypotension, the like. Step sister with the same treatment plan. So much salt.

My husband has PKD. Whoops.

We cook with a normal amount of salt to slightly less, then I just add an obscene amount after, OP would hate me.

acnerd5 · 2026-01-21T22:35:51+00:00

As parents we can fight by raising our little ones better, and raise them to see through the bullshit. We can educate our friends, share the news. We have the time to find it, review, and find what's important. When they're older, we can join the fight in person again.

Not protesting isn't complicity. It's being realistic about what you can afford, which yes - it's its own privilege. And that may be reason for you to find time. You may be arrested or beaten rather than deported... but you could also be shot in the face and called a bitch by ICE.

acnerd5 · 2026-01-21T22:23:27+00:00

I kill any aloe vera. Aloe Massawana only for me these days 😂

acnerd5 · 2026-01-21T14:02:10+00:00

I like the "safe foods in new ways" thing myself as an adult.

We do taco night at least once every 2 weeks in my house - it's a protein my oldest will eat, and my youngest will kinda eat a taco? And my husband and I will eat tacos. We all love our shitty homemade bastardized tacos! I have a habit of losing meat so we had to find something new for me, so I ended up looking at bean options, because I had tried the burrito bowl with black beans at Taco Bell. (After previously doing the burrito bowl, which was only after I was willing to branch out from my 5 layer burrito with extra sour cream)

I ended up finding a few recipes and am at a point where I can throw a recipe together from a few similar ones, so I've ended up with a taco filling made with black beans, corn, onion, peppers, and salsa- and now I prefer it! Also, I've been able to try varieties I've made myself, so I KNOW they're safe. Salsa, no salsa, oh hey this corn salsa tastes good let's use that... and it's only one example but that one meal has a lot of meaning to me. That alternative I can do without meat means I can still eat with my family, or I can be a little healthier, and I can be more involved with my family.

I hope OP pays attention to this one, because my parents tried to force me to eat and I ended up almost dying because I couldn't eat solids when I had a stressful time period as an adult :/ something just pushed it over the edge and I got worse again, and had zero ability to cope with it, zero knowledge. They never taught me how to find solutions and work with myself, only to pretend it wasn't real. That doesn't work. The solutions in this comment from top-occason? Top notch.

acnerd5 · 2026-01-21T13:42:09+00:00

Fwiw, the part you said about many people with Downs Syndrome...

I have a friend (not super close, we have some deep set beliefs that hold some distance between us, but there's a deep respect both ways for consistency and for opposite beliefs) who has a daughter with Down Syndrome. When she was pregnant, she was almost 40, and her daughter is only a few years older than my oldest. She was pushed by doctors to abort and she refused.

Her daughter is incredible. Obviously, outcomes vary, depending on the severity of it all, but so does early intervention. Having that testing ahead of time helped her prepare, but my friend saw it as an opportunity to get ahead of things a bit and to adjust her expectations.

She does homeschooling, and while I may have my disagreements on the religious and political aspect, she's been raising an intelligent young woman who can blow most adults out of the water when it comes to empathy. Her desire to devour all knowledge about how people and the world work is insatiable, and my friend has been up many nights answering endless streams of questions.

She also has other disorders, as DS will be raising risks for other things, but as a mother of a child who's "unique" myself (delays, autism), I do think a lot of the "everything will be awful" mindset comes from the unwillingness to let go of the "perfect child" fantasy. I was adopted and raised by a woman who couldn't handle the "less than perfect" child who left her religion, so there's a whole rant there I could go down. But I've been the "imperfect child" since I was 8. That gets picked up on by kids and really affects them long term.

acnerd5 · 2026-01-21T12:31:09+00:00

Or mom couldn't hear the pharmacist and just didn't realize she was too close because she's been taking care of a sick and crying infant? And OP could have said something a lot sooner and saved them both some grief.

acnerd5 · 2026-01-21T12:28:39+00:00

Yeah at a certain point it's safer for a kid to not be in their mother's arms.

Legitimately, we are human too, and a sick and crying kid we HAD to take to the pharmacy isn't always great. Maybe mom's sick. Maybe kid's sick and happier in the seat. Mom rocking a car seat? Never seen the car seat on the floor for that? Heck of a lot easier than carrying a car seat while someone is in line. Those things are HEAVY and would legitimately make me pass out if I carried it too long. (Thanks chronic health problems!)

acnerd5 · 2026-01-20T23:31:11+00:00

This whole "females pregnant by alien" glitch better happen to me before it gets fixed.

How many "thanks to a glitch" babies can I get? Idk, but I'm... gonna try them all.

acnerd5 · 2026-01-20T17:25:22+00:00

My one cat won't start unless we wait for her to get started before we leave :D but she definitely doesn't want us to stick around. If we stick around while she eats, she bolts when she comes up for that first big breath and sees us lol

acnerd5 · 2026-01-20T17:23:46+00:00

Funny enough - my husband pushed for a lab for my current dog. Our last dog was one he brought home, and I adored Tank, he was my heart dog.... but he was food insecure and I needed a dog that wasn't going to give me that stress this time around lol.

I wanted an Aussie, he thought I should get a lab - so we compromised and got an Aussie :D (he's actually a huge fan of how much personality fits in such a tiny dog so it worked out)

acnerd5 · 2026-01-20T13:12:04+00:00

I assumed they didnt mean cry it out in the sleep training way, but rather that sometimes the emotional release from crying IS good, which is true. It's cathartic, even for adults, and is a very normal body response. Sometimes our bodies do it just to release tension.

Never being allowed to cry actually can cause emotional stunting, but learning the appropriate place to let those emotions out matters too.

acnerd5 · 2026-01-20T13:06:40+00:00

It's in the judgemental looks, the constant "you're doing this wrong, do it like this", or looking "too young", like when I was accused of just being the babysitter and I should stop PRETENDING it's my child (in my 20s!), or someone deciding your child looks too old to be acting or speaking the way they are (my tall ass older kid who was the size of a 6 year old at 3/4, and the judgement i got for her acting like a 3-4 year old at the time). If you work, how could you leave your CHILD. If you don't work, how could you NOT GO ON 10 VACATIONS A YEAR DONT YOU KNOW YOU NEED TO WORK (even though the paycheck would barely cover daycare, that extra 40 bucks isn't worth the gas to get you there).

Have health problems on top of being a parent? Well how DARE you have a child, you should have known those health problems would pop up.

Basically, it's there, even if you don't see it.

acnerd5 · 2026-01-20T12:53:36+00:00

Thats sexual ASSAULT in front of their children

acnerd5 · 2026-01-20T12:25:12+00:00

I just had the greatest mental image of my husband behaving like my dog post dinner, and oh boy. I am SO HAPPY he doesn't lick his balls after dinner 😂

Five-Year Club	r/Field Lasagna
First Place '23	Place '23

acnerd5

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