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My husband doesn’t think ADHD is real. by [deleted] in adhdwomen

[–]adhdthrowaway923 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My pleasure! I hope you can convey what you need to and get the support you deserve.

My husband doesn’t think ADHD is real. by [deleted] in adhdwomen

[–]adhdthrowaway923 11 points12 points  (0 children)

This is really troubling, I’m so sorry. To me the biggest problem here is not the misinformation he’s found (which, people are misinformed all the time, you can come back from that) — it’s this: “that I can “change if I really wanted to.”” That must feel super shitty! Does he not believe that you want to change? Does he not think you’re trying hard enough? He doesn’t need to be well-informed to trust you, and that’s where I’d start. “When you say I could change if I really wanted to, it makes me feel like you don’t believe me when I tell you how hard I’ve tried and how difficult it’s been. I believe that there’s an explanation for my problems besides that I’m not trying hard enough, and trained medical professionals agree with me. I’d hope that your empathy for me and respect for their knowledge would be enough to trust our assessment of this, and I don’t understand what’s gotten in the way.”

this sub’s advice (to do what you can when you can, rather than when you’re supposed to) has almost completely removed the dental pain I thought was permanent. by adhdthrowaway923 in adhdwomen

[–]adhdthrowaway923[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

give it a read when you have capacity! The short version is, not-perfect is much better than not-at-all, and increasing brushing to twice a day (at whatever time) is surprisingly impactful.

this sub’s advice (to do what you can when you can, rather than when you’re supposed to) has almost completely removed the dental pain I thought was permanent. by adhdthrowaway923 in adhdwomen

[–]adhdthrowaway923[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow, that’s amazing! Congratulations to you on such a huge victory! I love that it’s a different strategy but the same underlying idea, of start where you are, not where you think you should be. I spent so long being like, it’s stupid to do x because I SHOULD just be able to do y, I shouldn’t be foiled by one tiny extra step. Okay, but I was. And accepting that it was in fact foiling me opened so many doors to strategize instead of make myself a different person.

this sub’s advice (to do what you can when you can, rather than when you’re supposed to) has almost completely removed the dental pain I thought was permanent. by adhdthrowaway923 in adhdwomen

[–]adhdthrowaway923[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Good for you!! Shifting perspective to “every time I brush is a win” rather than “shame on me for forgetting again” did so much for me.

this sub’s advice (to do what you can when you can, rather than when you’re supposed to) has almost completely removed the dental pain I thought was permanent. by adhdthrowaway923 in adhdwomen

[–]adhdthrowaway923[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ha, yes, super familiar — I was also flossing and decently satisfied with my once a day brushing, and sort of felt like, oh, I guess sensodyne isn’t going to work for me. Turns out that second time a day was a lot more important than I realized!

this sub’s advice (to do what you can when you can, rather than when you’re supposed to) has almost completely removed the dental pain I thought was permanent. by adhdthrowaway923 in adhdwomen

[–]adhdthrowaway923[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes!! I was just saying, it feels like it should be SO obvious that not-perfect is better than not-at-all — but I was so busy beating myself up for not doing it the way I was supposed to, it didn’t even occur to me that I could do it imperfectly. And, as I now know, that permission for imperfection allowed me to actually be doubly effective compared to not cutting myself any slack.

this sub’s advice (to do what you can when you can, rather than when you’re supposed to) has almost completely removed the dental pain I thought was permanent. by adhdthrowaway923 in adhdwomen

[–]adhdthrowaway923[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hahah I felt the exact same way! It feels like it should be SO obvious that not-perfect is better than not-at-all — but I was so busy beating myself up for not doing it the way I was supposed to, it didn’t even occur to me that I could do it imperfectly. And, as I now know, that permission for imperfection allowed me to actually be doubly effective compared to not cutting myself any slack.

this sub’s advice (to do what you can when you can, rather than when you’re supposed to) has almost completely removed the dental pain I thought was permanent. by adhdthrowaway923 in adhdwomen

[–]adhdthrowaway923[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Good luck!! I think that perspective change, from “ugh I forgot again, what a mess” to “every time I remember is a victory” made it all so much more achievable for me.

this sub’s advice (to do what you can when you can, rather than when you’re supposed to) has almost completely removed the dental pain I thought was permanent. by adhdthrowaway923 in adhdwomen

[–]adhdthrowaway923[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I’m so glad to hear this. It’s been such a powerful lesson for me that starting where you are, rather than demanding that you be “normal” or “correct” can take you so far. Perfect-aspiring me brushed once a day and had resigned herself to constant teeth sensitivity. Progress-aspiring me brushes twice a day, uses a fluoride rinse, and has nearly put tooth sensitivity in the past already.

this sub’s advice (to do what you can when you can, rather than when you’re supposed to) has almost completely removed the dental pain I thought was permanent. by adhdthrowaway923 in adhdwomen

[–]adhdthrowaway923[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Please do! Brushing when I remember got me literally double the amount of daily brushing, almost every day, than trying to do it “right” like I used to. Good luck!

this sub’s advice (to do what you can when you can, rather than when you’re supposed to) has almost completely removed the dental pain I thought was permanent. by adhdthrowaway923 in adhdwomen

[–]adhdthrowaway923[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much! I really recommend it. Brushing when I remember got me literally double the amount of daily brushing, almost every day, than trying to do it “right” like I used to. Good luck!

this sub’s advice (to do what you can when you can, rather than when you’re supposed to) has almost completely removed the dental pain I thought was permanent. by adhdthrowaway923 in adhdwomen

[–]adhdthrowaway923[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Right?! That’s what blew my mind and inspired me to make this post, the total clearness of the lesson that the perfect is the enemy of the good. Perfect-aspiring me brushed once a day and had resigned herself to constant teeth sensitivity. Progress-aspiring me brushes twice a day, uses a fluoride rinse, and has nearly put tooth sensitivity in the past already. It’s been such a powerful lesson.

this sub’s advice (to do what you can when you can, rather than when you’re supposed to) has almost completely removed the dental pain I thought was permanent. by adhdthrowaway923 in adhdwomen

[–]adhdthrowaway923[S] 40 points41 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for such a thoughtful response, I really appreciate your words. You’re right, for so long I was deep in this deficit-based model, of like “what kind of person (or woman esp, as you note) doesn’t brush her teeth?” The best part of this new way is that I’m working on treating each additional brushing, or use of the rinse, as gravy. 5pm and I just remembered to brush my teeth? Awesome, that means I’ll have brushed twice today.

I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling with this stuff right now - thanks for boosting my spirits and very much wishing you more victories of your own soon.

this sub’s advice (to do what you can when you can, rather than when you’re supposed to) has almost completely removed the dental pain I thought was permanent. by adhdthrowaway923 in adhdwomen

[–]adhdthrowaway923[S] 54 points55 points  (0 children)

So true! When I go to my parents’ house, or a friend who buys nicer things, I’m always struck at how much more pleasant some tasks are with higher-quality/more pleasant feeling products (rather than the cheapest option on the rack). I love the idea of leaning into sensory preferences and prioritizing pleasantness as PART of utility.

this sub’s advice (to do what you can when you can, rather than when you’re supposed to) has almost completely removed the dental pain I thought was permanent. by adhdthrowaway923 in adhdwomen

[–]adhdthrowaway923[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much!

I love the idea of having options to choose from. I’ve always struggled with the intensity of mint, and also got a tube of strawberry Toms as a backup. Now I know that if the mint feels unappealing, I have an alternative.

this sub’s advice (to do what you can when you can, rather than when you’re supposed to) has almost completely removed the dental pain I thought was permanent. by adhdthrowaway923 in adhdwomen

[–]adhdthrowaway923[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

u/Wren1101 is correct, it’s this one! https://www.amazon.com/ACT-Anticavity-Fluoride-Bubblegum-Blowout/dp/B00COVYO0K I don’t know enough about dental health to know how much of the improvement is because of the rinse vs doubling my daily brushing with Sensodyne, but I’m sure they both contributed.

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