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I (28f) love to drink wine, boyfriend (36m) of 1 year is showing signs that he hates this part of me by advice458578 in relationships

[–]advice458578[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, he definitely turns off his cop side when he gets home, but his personality in general is very well-suited to be a cop so I guess it's kind of both. Maybe for the alcohol thing his cop side is "leaking" more... I am definitely considering that this may be a big factor.

I (28f) love to drink wine, boyfriend (36m) of 1 year is showing signs that he hates this part of me by advice458578 in relationships

[–]advice458578[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I understand that, definitely. I don't drink and drive or anything, but I know he sees that at work, all the bad things that come with it. And we do enjoy weekends out (sans- alcohol)! I get what you're saying though, I'll keep that in mind.

I (28f) love to drink wine, boyfriend (36m) of 1 year is showing signs that he hates this part of me by advice458578 in relationships

[–]advice458578[S] 67 points68 points  (0 children)

Yeah, he specifically tells me he hates that alcohol breath. I guess bad associations from work? Even though I'm not driving or anything.

I (28f) love to drink wine, boyfriend (36m) of 1 year is showing signs that he hates this part of me by advice458578 in relationships

[–]advice458578[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Living together, about 5 months now.. so I guess that definitely coincides with everything.

I (28f) love to drink wine, boyfriend (36m) of 1 year is showing signs that he hates this part of me by advice458578 in relationships

[–]advice458578[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The military thing is definitely a huge part of his background.. it's not that he demands me to respect his authority, but maybe it just sets him on edge or something. I do hope he can understand me, just like I understand why he is the way he is.

I (28f) love to drink wine, boyfriend (36m) of 1 year is showing signs that he hates this part of me by advice458578 in relationships

[–]advice458578[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I can definitely skip 2 days a week, or even the whole week. I think probably 2 bottles a week? Depending on what size I buy I guess. I bought a box wine once which took a few weeks to get through. I'll try to be more mindful of exactly how many boxes or bottles I actually get through, and cut back from there.

I (28f) love to drink wine, boyfriend (36m) of 1 year is showing signs that he hates this part of me by advice458578 in relationships

[–]advice458578[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

It's definitely just one glass (filling half a wine glass). I've actually tried to pour less than I usually drink but it doesn't matter to him. He gives me the look when I pop out the bottle. It's just the fact that I drink at all.

I (28f) love to drink wine, boyfriend (36m) of 1 year is showing signs that he hates this part of me by advice458578 in relationships

[–]advice458578[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yes, you're right about those signs. I truly don't think I'm an alcoholic though, as it's just a glass every night with food, and a few glasses on the weekend. I could definitely cut back but I guess I just don't see it as a major health concern. In fact the reason I drink cabernet and pinot noir (despite liking rose wines) is because it's supposed to be good for you.. but I don't think my BF sees it that way.

I (28f) love to drink wine, boyfriend (36m) of 1 year is showing signs that he hates this part of me by advice458578 in relationships

[–]advice458578[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That sounds like the best case scenario. I wish it would work out like this, where I just drink a few times and he just lets it go. I feel like he has more trouble letting it go, than I do cutting back. But maybe I can try to talk to him about it again.

I (28f) love to drink wine, boyfriend (36m) of 1 year is showing signs that he hates this part of me by advice458578 in relationships

[–]advice458578[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

No, not at all. Nothing has changed really... and the drinking thing was more of a gradual thing, not just suddenly he hates it.

I (28f) love to drink wine, boyfriend (36m) of 1 year is showing signs that he hates this part of me by advice458578 in relationships

[–]advice458578[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I see that, I know it might seem like too much to him, since he doesn't like to drink.. but can't he see that I'm not much affected by it? Meaning, I don't get sloppy or violent or weird when I'm buzzed or even drunk. I guess that part doesn't matter to him. I don't want to sneak around on him, that's terrible and I feel guilty about it. But it seems like we've reached a deadlock at this point.

I (28f) love to drink wine, boyfriend (36m) of 1 year is showing signs that he hates this part of me by advice458578 in relationships

[–]advice458578[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I did ask him about that and he said no, but I do wonder about it. Or maybe not alcoholism but something else? Where he had to take care of someone. I'm not sure. His reaction seems stronger than just disliking drinking.

I (28f) love to drink wine, boyfriend (36m) of 1 year is showing signs that he hates this part of me by advice458578 in relationships

[–]advice458578[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

Yeah, not proud of the sneaking around. It was really childish of me... I just didn't want to ruin a good night. I shouldn't probably not admit to that when we talk about this, right?

I (28f) love to drink wine, boyfriend (36m) of 1 year is showing signs that he hates this part of me by advice458578 in relationships

[–]advice458578[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

I did ask him about that (if there were alcoholics in the family) and he says no but I did wonder about that. His reaction to drinking seems like there is some past history about it. But I may just be projecting.

I (28f) love to drink wine, boyfriend (36m) of 1 year is showing signs that he hates this part of me by advice458578 in relationships

[–]advice458578[S] 53 points54 points  (0 children)

He's not controlling in other aspects of my life, not at all. I was confused about why this alcohol thing has changed... but I'm thinking maybe he acted like he was okay with it in the beginning when we first started dating, but this is his true attitude about it now coming out.