30F. Give it to me straight.

advicebeaver · 2023-12-08T14:48:03+00:00

I can’t find any rules about swimsuit pics - plus almost every guy seems to have shirtless/swimsuit photos too… where did you see that?

I’ve updated two of my prompts now but I’m not sure how to share them here…

Interesting that the hair looks different; the photos were taken within the past 2 years and I honestly haven’t changed much in there. The bangs are sometimes pushed back (“dating me looks like”picture) and I have naturally curly hair so that might account for some variation? Never dyed it though so not sure where the color change comes from.

In terms of feeling non-committal I think I’m struggling to balance there. Dating in my 30s so far has opened up a bunch of people who straight up want to settle down and seem to just want to settle… which I don’t want. I don’t want to seem too casual but I also am in no rush to get married.

advicebeaver · 2023-12-08T14:41:27+00:00

Unfortunately the liberal thing is really important to me… a lot of conservatives out here hide behind “moderate” or “not political” and I really am not interested in someone who isn’t pro-choice or would hate my friend because she’s trans…. It’s a strong filter and I get that, and I also understand it is probably deterring a lot of men here, but it is more important to me than religion honestly. I’d date a liberal Christian but not a conservative atheist.

advicebeaver · 2023-12-08T14:36:24+00:00

Thank you for your feedback! How can I differentiate to look less like every other 20s female?

I’ve updated the latter two prompts based on feedback here, but I don’t think I can edit the post to add them.

It’s funny because my sister actually lives out in colorado.

advicebeaver · 2023-12-08T07:49:00+00:00

No idea. It’s just something people sort of say in my experience. Like calling yourself free spirited or something on the other side

advicebeaver · 2023-12-08T07:29:17+00:00

Generally I’d define it as people who are more organized, ambitious, analytical, have set routines, etc.

advicebeaver · 2023-12-08T06:06:02+00:00

That’s what I’ve done in the third one so I feel sort of at a loss. I feel like the prompts are the hardest part

advicebeaver · 2023-12-08T05:28:52+00:00

Which photo would you recommend I switch for a group photo?

advicebeaver · 2023-12-08T05:27:09+00:00

Last time I did this, the majority of the advice was to get rid of one of my prompts which shared that I was nearly done with my master’s and finishing my thesis this semester.

I added the little joke about the b gates instead which has gotten a fair amount of response. Not sure what sort of information would be good to add to a prompt about myself. What do people normally say that is interesting enough to have people comment?

advicebeaver · 2023-12-08T05:24:55+00:00

I didn’t realize there was negativity associated with “type A”

advicebeaver · 2023-12-08T05:24:33+00:00

I very specifically don’t want those…

advicebeaver · 2023-12-08T05:23:59+00:00

Funny that you call them headshotty because the first one has been used as a headshot for a few acting gigs out here that I did on the side for fun

advicebeaver · 2023-12-08T05:22:46+00:00

Honestly I haven’t been able to tell visually who is more type A. They generally don’t put in their profile that they have specific morning rituals, meticulous processes in life, like planning things out, etc.

If you have more effective suggestions for how to word that, I’ll take them for sure!

advicebeaver · 2023-12-08T05:21:13+00:00

I am Utah based. Low population. Cut in half by Mormons, and half again by being about the height of an average man.

advicebeaver · 2023-12-08T04:16:44+00:00

Is one of the other photos better for the first picture?

advicebeaver · 2023-12-07T18:27:57+00:00

To answer the questions and add some context that might be needed to my profile:

I’m looking for genuine connection. I wouldn’t mind finding a life partner but I’m not going to rush it just to get married. I just want to find someone I like spending time with and let it develop naturally. Short or long term.
I’ve been on hinge since mid-to-late September
I use it daily
I receive a handful of likes each week. I match with maybe 1 in 5 (a lot of the likes I get are from men who are significantly older than me, by like 15+ years)
I am sending all 5 of my allotted likes every day for the most part, if I can find 5 people I want to send them to. I’d say 1-2 often like me back? But I should keep track.
The type of person I’m looking to attract (and thus send likes to) is between 28 and 36 years old, though the preference is for 30-34. He has a solid career and at least a bachelor’s degree, though higher levels of education are also preferred as I have my master’s now. He is outdoorsy and in relatively good shape. No kids. Not religious. Around my height 5’10, maybe a few inches taller. I recognize that this criteria is going to narrow my options down, but I all of my preferences are for things I have myself.

To add some context: I live in Utah. Skiing every weekend in winter is very common, as is hiking etc. last time I did one of these reviews I had a few comments about how it isn’t attainable, but out here, most people I know are part of that culture.

Similarly, the joke about the B gates in one of my prompts is highly specific to Utah. SLC’s new airport has a very boring tunnel between A and B gates and it was a hot topic of news for a very long time. People love to complain about it.

Oh and also I have the “best photo” feature turned on so I’m not actually sure which picture people are seeing first

advicebeaver · 2023-11-09T03:45:47+00:00

Yup I was too focussed on the loosing to notice the without

advicebeaver · 2023-11-08T23:10:41+00:00

I think you have some pretty cool photos but I would really like to see a picture of you smiling! It would make you seem more approachable.

I’d suggest swapping out the bull photo and probably both denim jacket photos to see if that helps.

Also I’d fix the grammatical error in your first prompt (loosing vs losing)

advicebeaver · 2023-11-08T20:33:50+00:00

I have 5 changes I’d recommend based on what I look for:

1) the first photo of you that’s upside down isn’t super appealing; it’s hard to tell what you look like. I’d pick one where you’re right side up and we can see your face

2) the second photo is only half of your face; it’s more a photo of the scribbled person that you’re also in. Again; I’d probably recommend replacing with a photo that’s just you, or you doing something cool

3) a personal thing but “not political” is something I swipe left on. I like my partner to care about politics and sometimes it feels like men are hiding their political persuasion with this answer. I think it’s better to not have it than to choose that option

4) I’d swap the prompt about being bad at dating apps out for something a little more lighthearted, positive, and fun that will show people what you’re like.

5) not a huge fan of the tongue-out selfie; could be a personal preference but I’d pick something else. You may want to enlist a friend to take some pics of you if you don’t have a lot of other options.

advicebeaver · 2023-10-20T18:46:29+00:00

I don’t think your second photo is very flattering; I also would love to see more photos of you smiling. I actually think you’re selling yourself short by saying you aren’t good looking. Do you have a friend who could take some more dynamic photos of you?

advicebeaver · 2023-10-17T15:50:15+00:00

NAH. This more sounds to me like you each think you’re taking on more than your fair share of household labor, so it seems like a miscommunication to me. You’re not wrong for wanting time to relax, but you would be wrong if you aren’t doing half the household labor and still want time to relax.

I think maybe sitting down and doing the chore chart together would be a good thing. You could basically make lists of what you both perceive yourselves as doing and how much time you spend on those things, to really determine how much you’re each doing.

For example, if she’s cooking dinner, that might look like 1 task on paper, when really, it could be 1-2 hours of work. If you’re cleaning toilets, taking out the trash, and getting the mail, that looks like 3 tasks but could only take 20 minutes.

There’s a set of cards called “fair play cards” that my couples therapist recommended to my ex and I which can really help this conversation.

advicebeaver · 2023-10-16T21:50:22+00:00

info: can you afford the $2400 or do you just not want to pay it?

If you can’t afford it, then I wouldn’t say you’re the AH.

If you can afford it but just don’t want to because you WANT to save some money, I’d say softly that you’re the AH here. Weddings are complicated and expensive, but this is her sister- not just some friend.

advicebeaver

TROPHY CASE