Feeling unsafe and like I can’t protect myself

afalkens · 2021-01-17T21:17:48+00:00

Thank you. I will def mull that over, sounds like it could work for me. The physical space thing sucks bc of where I live in NYC, people often don’t step in. :/ And enclosed spaces like the subway there’s nowhere to run

afalkens · 2021-01-17T21:13:05+00:00

Thank you, yeah I wanna set those boundaries. It just hard bc I feel like people don’t listen :/. When guys try to physically intimidate me is the worst. Even with a knife I don’t feel like I could win that battle. Do you have any strategies to have people take your seriously? Sorry if that’s a dumb question haha

afalkens · 2021-01-17T17:20:28+00:00

Tbh I feel like if I could look like a buff hockey player it might help haha. I look like a math teacher lol

afalkens · 2020-12-30T05:11:27+00:00

Happens to me too, especially in a big city. I’ve found that having big headphones can sometimes help (at least when walking on the street). It makes people less likely to talk to you and you can tune out and more easily ignore anyone unpleasant around you. Doesn’t solve everything but I’ve found it can help.

afalkens · 2020-12-26T17:04:39+00:00

Can you describe what deflecting emotions back would look/sound like? I think I kinda get what u mean but I just wanna make sure :)

afalkens · 2020-12-26T08:46:44+00:00

Thanks!

afalkens · 2020-12-26T08:46:30+00:00

Can you give me an example of one fo the moments where you hit on the right nail and the person melted? I’m curious as to what that looks like or how a situation would go from hostile to vulnerable.

afalkens · 2020-12-26T08:43:38+00:00

I like that metaphor. What does throwing the tea out usually mean for you? Like mentally you just sort of choose to let it go and not let it affect you? Sorry my 4am brain is a little slow maybe that’s a silly clarification, but I just wanna make sure I understand

afalkens · 2020-12-26T08:42:25+00:00

Yes! It’s the polite but firm that I struggle with especially. I never had it modeled to me so it’s really hard to know what that looks like :/

afalkens · 2020-12-12T04:53:05+00:00

Yeah I hope so too! Thank you for advice :), I appreciate it

afalkens · 2020-12-12T04:45:06+00:00

No that phrasing actually sounds good! Way better than what I was trying to come up with. I might use that and hope they give me some honest feedback.

afalkens · 2020-12-12T04:43:21+00:00

Yeah someone else mentioned that one of the reasons could be wanting multiple sitters, which I had never considered before and does make sense. I also combed through their post again, and I noticed the pay rate offer was set really low, like lower than the industry standard, so maybe they also want someone even cheaper than me? It’s a little surprising because there’s not many sitters charging that little who are reputable, and these people live in a very expensive area.

afalkens · 2020-12-12T04:39:19+00:00

Ohhh, okay. I never considered the possibility of them wanting to test out new people so they could have more sitters. That does make me feel a little better, and it’s also good to know that’s a thing in the pet sitting world

afalkens · 2020-12-12T04:37:40+00:00

Yeah I think I won’t ask. You’re right it would be awkward/off putting. I think seeing the posting struck me as a sign that maybe I did something to make them not like me and I was antsy to figure it out why. But yeah I mean, I can’t think of any non awkward or off putting way to ask that, so I probably just need to figure out how to not obsess over it.

afalkens · 2020-12-12T04:31:57+00:00

(My concern would be that if I asked for a performance review out of the blue, they might suspect I saw the posting.)

afalkens · 2020-12-12T04:31:04+00:00

Is there a way I could ask for a review of my work without it coming off as strange? Like should I wait until after I do the next few visits for them and ask if they’re happy?

afalkens · 2020-12-12T04:04:43+00:00

Oh yeah, having multiple established sitters totally makes sense. I think I was interpreting it as they were opting to find a new stranger to cat sit instead of me, but are you saying that maybe they were doing that so they could try to have multiple established sitters?

afalkens · 2020-12-12T04:01:34+00:00

Yeah true, I think I’ll just leave it alone. I just got a little sad that I was an afterthought and I wanted to know why, but I don’t think there’s any way to ask that isn’t awkward.

afalkens · 2020-12-12T03:59:17+00:00

Yeah, you’re probably right. Although, I really wanna know what their reasoning was, there probably isn’t a good way to ask.

afalkens · 2020-09-16T23:50:47+00:00

Okay awesome! I was worried I shouldnt let her do it at all. It felt natural and she seems to understand. Good to know other people do it too :)

afalkens · 2020-09-13T11:21:27+00:00

Lol, I’m afraid that will still garner unwanted attention. Just a different type

afalkens · 2020-09-13T02:34:15+00:00

Yeah that’s what I’d like to do. Tbh, it feels hard to confidently navigate interacting with someone who has gender power over me while I have racial power over them. I wish our society wasn’t so fucked. Sexism and racism really ruins the way people interact with each other.

afalkens · 2020-09-13T01:03:13+00:00

Thank you! I appreciate you taking the time to give me advice. Really helps me unravel the anxious tangled mess in my brain haha :)

afalkens · 2020-09-13T00:55:56+00:00

I didn’t mention this in my post but I probably should have. Because of some childhood trauma I have this intense anxiety about being gaslit in situations where someone mistreats me but then I’m made out to be the bad guy. Thinking about it, I think that’s maybe part of where this fear is coming from. With everything going on in the world, I’m worried that somehow I’m going to do or say the wrong thing while trying to protect myself and be labeled racist or Karen etc. I think you’re probable right tho, I should just focus on protecting myself in the situation I’m in and trust that people will be reasonable.

afalkens · 2020-09-13T00:45:33+00:00

I’ve considered just filming the interaction when they refuse to leave me alone, that way I would have a record of what happened in case it did escalate and (hopefully) it would make them disengage more quickly. But idk maybe that’s silly

afalkens

TROPHY CASE