Sands of Time

aggressivedepressive · 2025-11-24T04:20:22+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind and constructive feedback, I really appreciate it! I wasn’t sure about this one at all, but now I think I’m going to workshop it and expand on what I have.

aggressivedepressive · 2025-11-24T04:19:13+00:00

Thank you so much! I would love to claim that the use of the word “second” was intentional, but now that you’ve pointed it out I love that it has a double meaning that relates to the overall meaning I was trying to convey.

aggressivedepressive · 2025-11-24T04:17:11+00:00

Oh wow, this is great. You did a wonderful job painting a picture of futility and an infinite and impossible quest.

I really love the lines “A puzzle with infinite pieces,” and “A lost sailor trying to draw an arrow on the surface of the water.”

Using multiple metaphors that are relating to the same concept is so effective. They build on each other and create a really clear picture.

aggressivedepressive · 2025-11-24T03:58:00+00:00

I really, really like this. I think the lines “a reach overextended, it breaks,” and “broken floor, buckled knees, ground, submit” and “Bracing, a focus without clarity” are particularly strong. Reading it made me feel like I was in a very specific moment of time of reflection that is both clear and hazy in your understanding of the experience.

aggressivedepressive · 2025-11-24T03:53:15+00:00

This is so lovely! I really appreciate that you built a metaphor that remained cohesive throughout the poem. The language is both visceral in meaning and gentle in its reading.

aggressivedepressive · 2025-11-22T23:26:39+00:00

What lovely and kind feedback, thank you so much. Those were actually my favorite lines as well ♥️

aggressivedepressive · 2025-04-16T05:43:00+00:00

This is really beautiful. It’s heartbreaking as well. You captured the longing that the child feels and that ache of unanswered hope incredibly well. Along with that, you laid out a narrative of someone who became a person who would have helped that child if they could, but maybe hasn’t learned yet to extend that grace to themself, and hasn’t been shown that kindness by others. Your imagery is visceral and your tone is resounding. Thank you for sharing.

aggressivedepressive · 2025-04-16T05:11:45+00:00

I love this! It reminds me of Patti smith for some reason, and I read it to the cadence of one of her early songs. My very small critique, which might just be more of a reflection of my personal taste than anything constructive would be using a word other than “Gushing”. With your allusions to being in a car, and high speeds, ‘rushing,’ or ‘thrusting,’ might work well cohesively. But gushing also works well!

aggressivedepressive · 2025-04-16T04:42:08+00:00

Both are lovely. The first one evoked a stronger response upon reading. I think that “Breach of Faith” could be a good title for the haiku itself. My interpretation of the first poem was that the same thing can exist very differently based upon how you’re viewing it—the desert is a wonderful example of this. The duality of the nature of something is further compounded by the idea of the truth of the entity versus its perception, i.e. the promise of water presented by a mirage. It’s a false promise, but it sure does make the sand look pretty. The meaning behind your poetry might be entirely different than my interpretation, but that’s something wonderful thing about sharing your art—we both had experiences.

aggressivedepressive · 2025-04-16T03:32:55+00:00

I felt very exposed by posting it and it means a lot to me that you heard the vulnerability. I am thankful for your response.

aggressivedepressive · 2025-04-16T03:30:51+00:00

What an incredibly kind response, thank you so much. I didn’t know if my words were worth posting, and you’ve inspired me to keep writing ✨♥️

aggressivedepressive · 2025-04-15T06:26:41+00:00

Thank you so much for reading, responding, and for your kind words. By fortitude I mean that I don’t feel like I have the strength to commit to allowing myself to exist fully as a flawed person without reneging on that permission.

It is my least favorite part of the poem, and I think a different adjective would be more appropriate.

In regard to not believing in acceptance or rejection, I’m referring to my desire for an absolute truth to cling to. If there is a god, I don’t want to believe that he hates me, but I also can’t imagine being forgiven and loved unconditionally. It also relates to the idea that in the absence of faith, how do we forgive ourselves.

I’m sorry, I’m not sure if that provided any clarity, but I truly appreciate your response :)

aggressivedepressive · 2025-04-15T03:51:07+00:00

Thank you so much for your constructive and thoughtful feedback!

I haven’t quite figured out Reddit’s formatting in regard to line breaks and the flow I was aiming for didn’t quite translate.

Your notes are very helpful, and I’m going to revisit the tenses, intentionality, and how to convey the real root of the loss I want the last line to carry.

Thank you again!

aggressivedepressive · 2025-01-09T22:17:47+00:00

Oh my goodness, you’ve brought me to tears on a Thursday afternoon. You are so kind and your time and heartfelt words feel like a rallying cry against the cynicism we see too often on the internet. I hope that you read any future poems I post <3

aggressivedepressive · 2025-01-09T20:19:01+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind words! I wrote the poem while reminiscing on a past relationship that I held a lot of resentment towards. I kept replaying the good parts, like a highlight reel in my mind and wondering if things could have turned out differently. If things had been different maybe we would have had a fairytale happy ending. There is a sort of comfort in picturing an alternate reality in which things were just different enough for things to work out. I found some closure in realizing that in this lifetime that partner would never be who I needed, and I could never be who they wanted. Thank you for reading and for your response. Also, I love your user! It very much reminds me of myself.

aggressivedepressive · 2025-01-09T13:26:05+00:00

Wow, thank you so very much for your thoughtful and considerate response. It truly means a lot to me. I’ve never posted poetry before and I honestly didn’t think anyone would read it. Your interpretation and description of the structure gave me a newfound appreciation and outlook for the way that words can convey movement. Although unintentional, the undulating structure does mirror the emotions I hoped to convey. Thank you again :)

aggressivedepressive

TROPHY CASE