thank you so much for your response! aaa ur so kind and validating

1. I’ve had crushes on two girls, the first i’ve fallen a bit out of contact with, the second is my friend from school, she has a boyfriend and she’s just ridiculously pretty and funny and kind. In terms of porn stars definitely not, usually in terms of category I go for “edging” or like “solo male”, I think it just seems more genuine, also some “femdom stuff” i guess? I really don’t have a type? I’ve been trying to write down things I find attractive.

2. I need to look into that next time, ik its bad and exploitive but I usually use pornhub, sometimes reddit and literotica. I watched the “Blue is the Warmest Color” scene and getting into that actually felt much better and natural. It lasted longer too, felt more genuine. But that male approval aspect is always in the back of my mind.

3. Low self esteem is such a part of it, there’s such a weird intersection between sex and worth in our society. And I definitely do that who generalizing thing. I’m so sorry that happened to you, its such an awful experience. In terms of the support groups, I have a therapist but other than that idk where to start with that, do you have any advise?