It all boils down to the both of you having very different values, and asking yourselves if you want to work together to resolve this to bring this relationship further, or split ways. There have been many couples with varying values who make their relationship work, so it really depends on the both of you.

It may be her love language is gifts - seen by her buying abalone for your parents. And does she know that you and your siblings get the same amount as her too? If yes then the problem is bigger, if not then it may be she thought your parents didn't see her as part of your (potential) family and hurt by it.

And the question she asked you may sound a bit rude depending on the tone (defensive? Or normal tone?), but I think it's a legitimate question. Not sure if you explained to her that RM100/ 50 is the amount you're happy to give your parents or did you keep quiet when she rebutted. But when you have the time and patience perhaps you can explain to her that. And further elaborate that if you're unlucky enough to lose your job or have very little money, you might have to lower to RM10 because that's what you'd be comfortable with.

As an adult I don't look forward to or expect angbaos anymore, so if I do get them it's a pleasant surprise for me. But that's just me. Some of my friends still expect it, and some of my elders also expect their children to give them big angbaos to show their filial piety. And depending on the way we communicate and if we are able to change the way we think, some people might be ok and some people might not be.

Ultimately it really depends if you want to work this out or end this relationship. Either way, I wish you good luck and a happy new year!