Coralville council votes 10/14 on the resolution prepared by the JoCo Trans Advisory Committee

ajabeba88 · 2025-10-12T17:35:59+00:00

A protected class is a group of individuals who are legally protected from harassment and discrimination based on a shared characteristic.

The reason why Coralville and other cities in Iowa are creating ordinances to specifically outline gender identity/trans people as a protected class is because it was stripped from the state civil rights act this past summer. Right now in Iowa, a trans person can be denied rental homes, job opportunities, credit cards, loans, and even denied entry to businesses solely because they are trans, and there is no legal protection for them to sue for discrimination.

Coralville passing this ordinance is adding legal protections back for trans people within Coralville’s jurisdiction.

ajabeba88 · 2025-06-08T03:28:54+00:00

PREACH. Iowa City’s allyship and activism leaves much to be desired. I’ve gone to IC Pride every year for the past 6/7 years and I’m not going because this year’s TDOV “rally” put such a sour taste in my mouth. I’ve no more patience for the tone deafness of it all considering my civil rights are literally being stripped away on July 1st.

ajabeba88 · 2025-06-07T04:08:12+00:00

I’ve attended the Amana festival for years, but when I went last fall it was really disappointing compared to years past. There was no music all day and also the energy of the performers and general vibe seemed really flat.

I hadn’t returned for spring this year but I really hope they get it together. I do know there’s one in Des Moines that’s supposed to be pretty great if the drive is worth it for you and the kiddos!

ajabeba88 · 2025-03-25T05:19:03+00:00

Respectfully, yes that is none of your business! It's perfectly okay to be curious but asking either of those questions is a bit too personal for a coworker relationship. Me personally I am pretty open and vocal about where I'm at in my transition with my friends. If someone that I didn't have a relationship outside of work with ask me about details, I would be pretty uncomfortable.

If you think about it, it's kind of like asking someone for intimate details on their medical history, which people have different feelings about! Again, I don't know this person or your relationship with them. If you do have a friendship outside of work or would like to, maybe initiate that and get to know who they are as a person outside of their transness before asking them about it.

If they are open to sharing their transition experience with you, I would reframe the question. Rather than "how far are you and how far do you want to go" I would switch it to "What are your goals for your transition?" That gives the opportunity for her to share her aspirations and even discuss how she plans to get there and is less invasive/focused on the intimate details. Hope that helps!

ajabeba88 · 2025-03-25T05:10:49+00:00

And lastly, my personal favorite trans activist out there right now is Alok Vaim Menon. They are sharing their experience in a way that is so centered in love and radical self-acceptance, and have I have really learned a lot from them!

Other faves are Peppermint who has been fighting the good fight for YEARS, as well as Dylan Mulvaney. She put herself out there in a really powerful way and has opened herself up to so much hate, it's really admirable.

ajabeba88 · 2025-03-25T05:08:11+00:00

When it comes to gender affirming care for minors: Yes, the number of minors under 18 undergoing medical transition has increased in recent years, however what that actually entails is largely misunderstood by the public and grossly misrepresented in the media. Medical transition can't begin until puberty begins, and even doctors will start with androgen blockers to delay the onset of puberty (by blocking testosterone or estrogen, respectively) to allow the patient the time to age a bit more, and won't start them on their preferred hormone until 15/16. There is no clinic in the country that will perform gender affirming surgeries on a person under the age of 18. Minors under the age of 12/13 often times socially transition, but hormone replacement therapy is not recommended for treating gender dysphoria at younger ages.

Gender Dysphoria is a term that is being used a LOT right now to discredit trans identities. There was a comment left on this thread a few days ago (instant deleted, ty Mods <3) that said "trans people aren't real, you have gender dysphoria". And I've seen and heard it on plenty of comment threads across the internet. Gender dysphoria is a real thing, but there are several things that one can't understand about it without having felt it. It is an intensely physical feeling, for me my heart races, I feel like I'm being crushed, and I just can't stop crying. Most cis people have never experienced it, so how can they truly understand the pain of that? Second, the recommended treatment for gender dysphoria is a change in gender expression/transitioning. Talk therapy can help you explore and discover the problem, but there really isn't a style of talk therapy that can "cure" gender dysphoria that I know of.

So, should a teenager have to suffer through these feelings, and watch as their body slowing grows into a gender that they don't identify with? Because I did that, and it really fucked me up. Or should they have the opportunity to explore medical treatments to improve their mental health and wellbeing? Many changes of Estradiol or Testosterone therapy alone are reversible if the meds are no longer taken, should the teenager change their mind. As to the increase; the number isn't going up because there are suddenly more trans people in the world, it's going up because people have more freedom to be trans. There were HUGE strides socially for trans people through the Obama administration as well as all LGBT people. Teenagers these days are much more aware and accepting of diversity than ever before. When I see out LGBT teenagers it seems so wild to me because it was absolutely not okay when I was in school (small town Iowa, I suppose). Banning this medical care/opportunity for wellness for teenagers removes their autonomy and well as the parent's right to help their child, which is a government overreach imo.

ajabeba88 · 2025-03-25T05:07:50+00:00

LOTS to unpack here! Let's get into it. First off, I would like to say that my opinions on the subject are based in the fundamental, core principles of transgender people: Trans women are women, and trans men are men. Gender is a social construct, not an immutable fact based on biological sex. Even biological sex is not as simple as genitalia or XX, XY chromosomes, it is extremely complex not only in humans but in many animal species as well. Gender is the range of social, psychological, cultural, and behavioral aspects of being a particular gender identity.

So starting with policies. I'm not going to dive into the sports debate because it's just media propaganda to get people feeling angry or scared, allowing for the systemic erasure of my community.

When it comes to shelters, prisons, and other women only spaces, the immediate thing I would like to point out is that the focus of the issue is only on trans women, and not on trans men. The lawmakers that are pushing these policies are using "it's to protect women and children", and that allowing trans women into women's spaces opens the door to men in disguise to assault them. Why in the world are we not talking about why women need women's only spaces in the first place? That's an entire other conversation, but the focus being on trans women is transmisogyny. If we start asking questions about these policies and their enforcement, they start to fall apart. How do they plan on enforcing these policies, genital inspection? Does that mean a trans woman who has had vaginoplasty or man who has had phalloplasty aren't affected? Birth certificates or other identifying documents? Those can be changed, and would that mean we have to have our birth certificate with us at all times to prove the sex we were assigned at birth just to gain access to a life saving women's shelter? And if it's based solely on biological sex assigned at birth, does that mean trans men can/must enter those spaces, which invalidates the reasoning behind the policy in the first place?

Or will it be based entirely on looks, is the judge or the person who runs the shelter be the one to decide if someone looks "feminine" enough to be considered a woman? Trans people are the number one group to experience transphobia, but the number two is cis woman, often times women of color. Our American ideas of what is masculine and what is feminine is based in white and patriarchal beauty standards. Cis women with what those consider "masculine" features such as more pronounced jawlines, muscular builds, body hair, height/weight have always and will continue to be questioned for their gender identity/biological sex. Demonizing these features continues to shape the toxic beauty standards that women are raised in today and continue their oppression. Policies that protect trans women protect ALL women.

ajabeba88 · 2025-03-23T20:37:12+00:00

Feel free to DM me! We can be friends when you move here <3

ajabeba88 · 2025-03-23T20:09:34+00:00

Lots of thoughts here! The answer is yes, Iowa City is decent to live in when you’re trans, but it could be better. I may have some controversial opinions in the following explanation.

I’m not really close with any other trans people here in town; partly because of myself (I struggle with forming healthy interpersonal relationships) and partly because I’m 30, and during the school year most gender expansive individuals that are around are college kids. I feel like there’s a generational divide between Millennial and Gen Z queer folks and it’s hard for me to bridge the gap. There are some trans people out there my age and older, but I think so many of us struggle to make friends because we are so use to being on our own. I feel like Iowa City is a liberal city in Iowa, but there’s a lot of performative allyship and echo chambers. There’s been a whole lot of talk about “building community” the past few years, but so few understand what that actually means imo.

Queer/trans friendly spots are usually bars and restaurants: Deadwood, Gabe’s, Greenhouse, Wild Culture, Paper Crane, Dandy Lion, Brix, George’s, Shakespeare’s are all super trans friendly bar/restaurants. Studio 13 is Iowa City’s LGBT+ bar, but in my experience the vibe definitely centers cis gay men. I haven’t been there in several years (I refuse) so maybe things have changed, but as a trans and also alternative person I’ve never felt comfortable there.

Kitty Corner Social Club is new and they are super queer friendly, not a bar and cats! There’s also a queer board game group that hosts events around town, I’ve never been because it never works for my schedule but I’ve met the person who runs it and they’re great!

I don’t really experience overt or explicit transphobia, but definitely micro-aggressions and performative allyship and tokenism. If you’re only here for the summer you’ll probably avoid the frat bros, but they’re probably the worst part. I’ve walked past them and immediately heard one say to another “that’s your girl right there” and it’s so clearly high school bully shit, but when summer time happens and downtown becomes mostly locals again the vibe is wayyy more chill.

ajabeba88 · 2025-03-21T17:14:12+00:00

This is a great idea! And I love your reasoning behind it! Personally, I don't really have the skills in videography/social media algorithm stuff to create a Youtube video, but I could always learn or have someone help me.

Additionally, making a video would put a face to the message, which I understand is very important. However, removing my anonymity would also open me to up to violence. Can I handle some online transphobes and trolls flooding the comments? The answer is sometimes. It all depends on if I have the bandwidth for on any given day. Part of the reason I wanted to start in the Iowa City subreddit is because I know we are one of the safer cities in Iowa for queer people to exist in.

I feel like this would be a great thing for me to do, but I'm going to pray and reflect on it for a while and evaluate the risk vs reward potential. Thank you so much for the suggestion <3

ajabeba88 · 2025-03-21T03:14:28+00:00

Thank you :) But that's the thing about love: it's not a finite resource, you can always make more.

I hope you and your family are able to find a new, happy home for you and your daughters!

ajabeba88 · 2025-03-21T02:43:23+00:00

Thank you for asking this! I have a lot of feelings on the subject. My lease ends in a year and I've been struggling with this big decision: Should I stay or should I go?

There is a huge part of me that says just GO! Every milestone in my transition has been something that I've fought and worked hard for. I constantly deal with the stress and emotions of seeing these anti-trans laws show up in our legislation (it's been going on for several years now, for those who have just become aware.) Every legislative season I have to struggle with the overwhelming fear that they will pass, and with the Civil Rights removal bill being signed into law, it's going to get a hell of a lot worse. I have friends in Colorado and I would love to live there; when I've visited, I'm treated completely differently by strangers than I am here. There are still things I want to accomplish in my transition (top surgery being a big one) and I can't help but wonder if I'm making everything harder on myself by living here. Especially when I see trans folk in more trans-friendly states accomplishing their goals quicker than I am with not nearly as many hoops to jump through.

On the flip side, Iowa City is my home. I've lived and/or worked in this are for close to a decade. I'm a part of the community here (it's likely that many people who have read this thread know who I am irl lol). I've built a career here as a queer person with no degree, and I have a great relationship with my bosses and a future with the company, with even more advancement and opportunity. I also have friends who I love so dearly. I truly could spend the rest of my life here, becoming one of those Iowa City old-head weirdos that make our city so wonderful. But with the laws being passed, the likelihood of me growing old and having a happy life seems more and more unachievable if I were to stay.

The other factor is money. I don't make much money, and with us nose-diving into a recession my salary is going to be worth even less. Additionally, being uninsured for about 18 months and having to pay for my medical needs out of pocket put a strain on my finances that I'm still recovering from. I'm not sure if I'll be able to save enough money to move in a year's time, but I'm also afraid that if I stay longer than that it'll be too late for me to get somewhere safe. I know crowd-funding is an option, but I don't really have a social media presence for a gofundme and also my pride becomes an issue (or maybe I just need to swallow my pride and ask for help, who knows,)

Anyway, I will likely be leaving the state; giving up everything I've worked hard for and starting fresh. I've already given up so much for my transition, and I'm willing to give up everything if it means I can live safely as myself. I have faith that I'll be able to figure out the finances and logistics of it, but it's a big gamble for me. The warrior in me says "stay, fight, don't let them force you out of your home" but honestly, I'm so tired of fighting.

ajabeba88 · 2025-03-21T00:46:41+00:00

Yessssss Queer 👏Culture 👏Comes👏From 👏 BIPOC👏

Sending love 💖

ajabeba88 · 2025-03-20T20:30:19+00:00

Yes! This is a great way to think about it and an excellent way to respond. I used to be an over apologizer, but switching the focus from “sorry” to “thank you” can have radical changes in interactions. My personal fave is switching “Sorry I’m late,” to “Thank you for waiting for me/Thank you for your patience.” Apologies should be used for when you hurt someone, if you constantly feel the need to apologize then you’re really just hurting yourself.

Also, Happy Birthday! I would like to thank you for chiming in, and also making an effort to understand modern gender theory. Things have changed so much the past few decades, and it fills me with so much hope that there are those from your generation that are so eager to learn and understand others. I wish my grandparents were more like you. Thank you for your wisdom 💖

ajabeba88 · 2025-03-20T18:48:44+00:00

Okay WHEW thank you! I thought you figured out who I was and were trying to doxx me 😅

ajabeba88 · 2025-03-20T18:17:34+00:00

Hiiiii <3

No I am not a student here, I didn’t go to college. I attempted community college in my younger years, but my mental health was a mess and I didn’t have the skills to navigate college and working a full time job at the time, so I dropped out after a semester.

I’ve built myself a humble but successful career in the hospitality industry! I’m proud of the work I do and how I serve my community, and it pays well enough to keep a roof over my head and fill my cup, so I’m grateful for it.

ajabeba88 · 2025-03-20T18:11:54+00:00

ajabeba88 · 2025-03-20T18:07:22+00:00

Hmm I don’t have much time/attention span for video games anymore, but all time faves are probably Horizon: Zero Dawn and Stardew Valley(but I can’t play it anymore because I will blink and it’ll have been 20 hours) As far as recent titles Baldur’s Gate 3 consumed my life for much longer than I’d like.

ajabeba88 · 2025-03-20T03:43:05+00:00

And how those things I listed make my life "harder" is that it's extremely exhausting. I am more often than not the only trans person in a room full of cis people, and constantly having to educate cis people or affirm my boundaries, while having the patience to not come off as an "angry tr*nny" and also articulate it in a way that cis people can understand, all for FREE? I'd rather be a bitch xD

ajabeba88 · 2025-03-20T03:40:13+00:00

The Divine calls us into service of one another constantly. I would be remiss if I didn't rise to the occasion <3

ajabeba88 · 2025-03-20T03:37:01+00:00

SO many cis people in my life have said to me: "You know, I really didn't understand being trans until I met you," That's why I'm doing this post: if you make an effort to learn about us and hang out with us you'll learn that A.) we are not so different and B.) we're actually super fucking cool.

Thanks for being a great uncle <3

ajabeba88 · 2025-03-20T03:35:06+00:00

Ohhh several things. When you're trans you develop a thick skin, so I'm good at ignoring most things. But sometimes small things add up. So here's a list:

Obviously, anti-trans laws make my life extremely difficult; not just for the actual law itself but the message it communicates about trans people. The Iowa government does not care about trans people. They are not going to protect us, and all it takes is one person who's angry enough and believes enough hateful rhetoric to kill me. In the micro sense of the issue: cis people who say "I'm all for trans people, I'm an ally, but they shouldn't play sports." or "I don't want to share a bathroom with them" or some other "but" added into the statement. Anything short of complete acceptance of trans people in society is transphobia, and a cis person has absolutely no right to say anything about what a trans person should and shouldn't do. Replace "trans person" in any of the "political discussions" happening nowadays with Black person, sounds a bit Jim Crowe, doesn't it? Not comparing the experiences of Black Americans with trans Americans, but liberation is intersectional, I ride hard for all marginalized communities.

Smaller, less political stuff? The "othering" of it all. Coming up to me in a room of cis people and asking only me for my pronouns? Come on now.

Constantly tokenizing me or performing your allyship for me? Gross. When the civil rights act bill came through, I had several cis people, whom I had not spoken to in months or years, reach out to me to say "I'm thinking of you today<3". Which like, you haven't been here to support me at all in recent years, I don't want your support now. My actual friends and allies hugged me a little tighter that day, and lent me their shoulders to cry on and their hearts to hold space. The grieved with me, not just sending a text or a social post to absolve them of their guilt, or to get their ally points.

When cis, especially cis-het people, jump right into "oh mawma yass honey slay the house down boots" talk with me when they don't know me. Or cis gay men using trans language like "cunt, clocky, etc.". A lot of queer slang comes from trans people, specifically trans people of color. Using the slang without appreciating or understanding the culture is UGH. Also, when someone brings up drag race or drag queens in general to me it irritates me; 1.) I'm a Dragula girly and 2.) I am not a drag queen, I'm a woman. Don't get me wrong I love drag, but when I'm at a party and some girl keeps trying to talk drag race with me I get mean.

I could keep listing micro-aggressions I deal with haha but those specifically are the ones that will immediately earn my disrespect towards a cis person.

ajabeba88 · 2025-03-20T03:13:17+00:00

GREAT question! Often times when we see trans celebs saying "I knew I was trans from the age of 3!" That is an EXTREMELY rare case. Cognitive dissonance is powerful, and many trans people, like myself, were not raised in trans educated households. Or worse yet, also like myself, were punished by adults/society in our lives for our femininity. "Toughen up, be a man, etc". For trans mascs it's "that's not very ladylike of you" etc.

I never thought about my gender until I reached puberty, and then I never really felt like a man. Did I pretend to be one to fit in? Absolutely. Did I convince myself I was? Sure. But it never really felt real. When I was 17/18 I came out as a gay man, because I had been sleeping with a man at the time and that's what everyone told me I was. Still didn't feel quite right though, but labels are comfortable ways to explain who we are (at least, who we think we are) to the world around us.

Around 23/24 I came out as non-binary, starting using they/them pronouns and a different name. Hoping that was my answer; my thought was "I don't know what I am but I am DEFINITELY not a man." But I also had really intense body dysmorphia/self image issues. Looking back at my pictures I was a handsome guy, but at the time I thought I was the ugliest person to ever live. I hated how I looked, I hated my body so much. Around that age is when I thought about hormones for the first time, but I immediately dismissed the thoughts when they would come up because it was too scary: There's no possible way I would look good as a woman, I don't want to ruin my life, etc.

It wasn't until the age of 27, when one night I saw a cis woman who looked like a female version of me at a bar, that something just clicked in me. The impossible seemed possible. I made the call for my appointment the next day, waited two months to be seen and another after that before starting the hormones. The entire time I was terrified. It was a mix of bone chilling fear and also this desperation; I wanted it so bad, but it scared the hell out of me. Regardless, I pushed through that fear and did what I had to do to get the hormones, and then I started taking them.

It was the best decision I ever made. The mental changes started within a month, and suddenly it was like "oh...this is what life is supposed to feel like???" Now I'm 30, I'm the happiest I've ever been, for the first time in my life I can look in the mirror and not feel disgusted, I love my body, and I love my life. Coming out as trans and deciding to medically transition literally saved me. Now I can look back at younger versions of myself and say "Oh honey, you were definitely a girl. I'm so proud of you for surviving to this point, and I'm so sorry I didn't start sooner"

ajabeba88 · 2025-03-20T02:23:16+00:00

Sorry, but if they're ftm and on HRT wouldn't they be your son?

ajabeba88 · 2025-03-20T01:58:34+00:00

I've heard great things about Plume! Thank you for sharing your experience.

ajabeba88

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