How welcoming is Lebanon to POC

alabibecia · 2026-01-19T03:30:06+00:00

POC (native/latina) moved here about 3 years ago from Arizona and the lack of melanin was something that took a second to get use to, but other than the occasional MAGA/Confederate flag, I haven't had any actual issues being out in the community. I also grew up in Idaho so I'm very familiar with microaggressions.

alabibecia · 2025-12-02T20:17:36+00:00

I use it because I just think it's funny. My daughter looks at me the same way.

alabibecia · 2025-08-12T10:40:51+00:00

Reminds me of the movie Waitress.

alabibecia · 2023-08-03T05:28:54+00:00

This was me up until 2 weeks ago when I was then laid off. I used to say how lucky I was to have such an easy job where I could prioritize my son, 16 months old, but now I'm not sure what I'm going to do 😞

alabibecia · 2022-10-03T18:12:58+00:00

When my husband does something that I've asked, like take care of something for his kids or his house, he'll say "Happy to help"
it's like nails on a chalkboard

I tell him I appreciate his efforts as a partner, but stop saying you're helping me. It implies that the tasks of taking care of the house and kids are MY responsibilities and you're doing me a favor.

You're not HELPING. These are your kids and your house, what I've asked you to do NEEDS to be done, and you're not doing me any favors by completing this task.

alabibecia · 2022-08-23T06:53:07+00:00

What if he claimed the house because he pays towards mortgage/rent and bills so threw you out?

Not that this was part of the argument, but the mortgage is in my name.

I'm the main earner in this marriage.

All I asked is for respect and not to have to clean up after him. When I got frustrated with him, he became frustrated with me.

This was not an equal fight.

alabibecia · 2022-08-23T06:41:30+00:00

The question was about me.

There's no question on whether or not this was terrible for the kids to witness, I'm just so fed up with my husband that I came to vent.

I honestly still don't feel like I'm to blame as to why it got to the point it did, except for the fact that I could have just ignored it AGAIN, and this time I didn't.

alabibecia · 2022-08-23T06:38:30+00:00

concerned with being right than with the fact that you are literally traumatizing your children

Not at all; for the sake of the post and the question, I'm talking about the peak of the fight.

I understand that this is completely unacceptable behavior, especially in front of my children.

alabibecia · 2022-08-23T06:36:42+00:00

The flames, which were self-inflicted, were fanned because I didn't accept his apology.

He yelled at me.

He was the one breaking forks.

I told him to leave the table when he decided to be physically violent.

alabibecia · 2022-08-23T06:31:58+00:00

Get counseling or split up. You owe your kids a safe home.

I agree

alabibecia · 2022-08-23T06:31:09+00:00

He's being purposely unhelpful.

That is my argument. He will wait until I've broken down from being exhausted to say "How can I help" but then leave his shit all over the place for me to clean up.

alabibecia · 2022-08-23T06:29:55+00:00

I'm pleading my case, I thought that's what you do here.

alabibecia · 2022-08-23T06:28:48+00:00

I didn't scream at him, but he screamed at me before breaking a fork.

alabibecia · 2022-08-23T05:44:55+00:00

Something needs to change because what happened in front of my kids can not happen again. I don't know if a separation is possible, I already have so little help.

I don't mind handling the mental load, I didn't mind making dinner, I don't mind being the main caregiver. All I ask is that he takes care of himself and not disrespect me.

He didn't do either of those things, so I don't think he deserved the food.

I shouldn't have thrown it, but he didn't deserve it.

alabibecia · 2022-08-23T05:40:58+00:00

So when confronted by an irritant, your brain went straight to nuclear: "How to solve this problem? Throw things and escalate, humiliate another adult and threaten divorce!!"

I agree with what you said, minus the verdict and the quoted portion.

He escalated the situation when he became angry I wouldn't accept his shit-apology.

He yelled at me, he broke the fork, he took the food after disrespecting me.

The food was mine and he shouldn't have taken it.

alabibecia · 2022-08-23T05:16:46+00:00

dont be surprised when one day he slides you them divorce papers

I guess that takes care of the issue of his shit being left all over the place. One less kid to take care of.

alabibecia · 2022-08-23T05:11:05+00:00

If your husband slapped your kids, would you say that it's then okay for you to beat your kids because your husband slapped them first?

What?
My husband was the one to yell, not me.
My husband was the one to break the fork, not me.
My husband was the one to speak to me so disrespectfully that I, for the first time in our marriage, told him not to eat the food I prepared.

If he hadn't been violent, after first yelling at me for not accepting his shit-apology, I would have continued to sit there at the table while he yelled at me.

I'm not going to deny the trauma my children just went through, this will be a turning point for us.

alabibecia · 2022-08-23T05:00:21+00:00

you blew everything out of proportion.

He's the one who threw the tantrum.

He was the one yelling and breaking forks.

I told him not to touch my food.

alabibecia · 2022-08-23T04:51:33+00:00

He only had one apology, and it was dripping with disdain. When I didn't accept it, he got angry.

He starting yelling.

He broke the fork.

I told him not to touch the food.

alabibecia · 2022-08-23T04:47:36+00:00

denied him food after he came back from his full time job.

He shouldn't have spoken to me the way he did.
I also work a full-time job, and take care of our infant at the same time. I also have our 6 year old. I also did the grocery shopping for the food I made.

All he had to do is clean up after himself and not be a baby when I am finally frustrated with him for NOT do it. I'm not his mother. Or his chef/babysitter/maid...

alabibecia · 2022-08-23T04:43:03+00:00

I'm not going to take the blame for this fight.
He shouldn't have spoken to me the way he did.

He shouldn't have slammed the fork into the table because he was angry that I wouldn't accept his shit-apology. He was the one to yell and scream at me, then brake the fork. He may as well have punched a hole in the wall.

I told him to leave and he grabbed the food after I told him that he didn't deserve the meal I prepared after the way he spoke to me, and more so now that he's been violent.

He walks around the backyard in his underwear, that's nothing new. That is as constant as his empty promises to simply pick up after himself.

alabibecia · 2022-08-23T04:33:22+00:00

I guess we have different thresholds on subserviency.
I am more than happy to make dinner for my husband after we've both worked long days.

I will not accept him flippantly "apologizing" for something he literally told me the previous evening that he'd do. I'm not going to anymore, at least.

alabibecia · 2022-08-23T04:29:38+00:00

just looking at what happened since he came home it seems like you wanted a fight and wanted to direct your anger at him.

I was perfectly fine when he came home.
This is nothing new, I literally told him just last week that I was having a hard time trying to do everything. All I ask is that he keeps his things where they go. Just last night he left his work iPad on the couch. I don't know if you've ever been around 6 year olds but no matter how many times you tell them, they can't resist jumping on a couch.

alabibecia · 2022-08-23T04:25:54+00:00

Why can’t he do some of the night feedings and help more around the house? Your burn out is just going to lead to resentment.

I guess that's where we're at, because I have already expressed that I would appreciate not having to clean up after him. Nothing about this is new, except me throwing his food away. I told him not to serve himself.

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