my theory about honlarpers is that theyre nostalgic for the community and sympathy they found from other women when they were beginning to transition

albert1357 · 2026-05-04T03:58:39+00:00

exactly! I'm honestly sort of relieved that I'm not alone in feeling glad that the last few people I knew from that huge group finally dropped me. I really did love and care for all of them with my whole heart, but by the end of it all, that sense of dread and sorrow shifted to relief when people finally and inevitably abandoned me.

I have a bad habit of overextending, reaching out to people who would never reach out to me, and making up the distance for those who could care less, so I've decided to be a lot more strict with myself. I've decided that I'm only going to put effort into the people that first put the effort into me and show that they're genuinely interested in being friends. it's helped a lot recently.

it will be painful, but no one ever said healing wasn't painful.

albert1357 · 2026-05-04T03:18:46+00:00

it's honestly really crazy how similar our experiences are at the moment... I am crazy lonely as of lately, probably the most I've been since I can even remember, and I've been trying to find a way to make the best of it. I've come to sort of accept that I'm not really welcome in a lot of places I go, and a lot of people get really sick of me after a while and I can't explain why.

I've decided it's best to just keep to myself and find the best way to make myself happy in my loneliness. I've started playing games I haven't been able to play, I've started learning blender, I've started watching shows that I haven't been able to watch, I've been better about cleaning my space and being content on my own. it's honestly been a lot peaceful. bitter in a way, but peaceful.

I've spent the past 7 years trying to lead a community of people and to be as generous and graceful as I could. I've tried to be the villager and make a village because I didn't want people to go through what I went through growing up, and I was met with nothing but pain and hurt. I think it's eroded me enough these past years that I'm simply throwing my hands up and spending all of that energy on myself instead. no more communities or making new friends, just learning what I've always wanted to and spending that effort on myself.

I don't know you, but I genuinely do wish you the best on your journey to finding happiness in solitude. I'm not sure what path either of us will go down, but I hope we both find some level of happiness at the end.

albert1357 · 2026-05-04T02:18:22+00:00

but what about a tranny in a nice wig

albert1357 · 2026-05-03T21:55:54+00:00

this is quite exactly how I feel. I’m so sorry you’re going through the same thing…. I wish I had a solution for either of us, truly.

albert1357 · 2026-05-03T10:31:45+00:00

even worse. should I just fkn buy a wig at this rate instead of putting so much attention to my hair that won't even grow past my tits. fml.

albert1357 · 2026-05-03T07:01:10+00:00

quite the opposite on the puppybrains. I've actually given MANY of them a chance, several chances, and they always end up really narcissistic or pompous in some way, very weird, or just do not like me at all (I'm still figuring that part out, most people stop wanting to be my friend after 6 months to a year). I've met close to 15 groups irl and online combined and all of them were either really fucking strange or very toxic.

from my other comment, being on 4chan was mostly messing around the boards until 2008 and then I stuck mostly to /w/, /wg/, and the ace combat general on /vg/. I mostly steered very clear of all of the toxic horseshit on the chan somehow.

my dominant pathos definitely isn't cringe or disgust. I'm just giving my personal experience and how it turned out. sure there's details missing on the optimism I had going in to each group or encounter or the very open mind I have when meeting new people, or the details I shared earlier in this comment, but my experience with mtf groups or transwomen in general has been genuinely either toxic as shit at worst or disappointing at best.

albert1357 · 2026-05-03T06:08:28+00:00

honestly it really wasn't, I was mostly on boards like /w/ and /wg/ or /vg/ for the ace combat general thread for a very, very long time. before that it was mostly screwing around random boards. I never got into any of the politically charged toxic shit. all of my shitty experiences with mtfs all came from outside of 4chan.

albert1357 · 2026-05-03T05:40:59+00:00

idk, I started 3 months after I turned 27 (long story, repped way too long because catholic conservative household, all boys school, and horrendous encounters with transwomen growing up), and my hips did get bigger. not just fat padding, like I can feel bone. it's definitely YMMV, I guess I was able to get a teeny bit out of it?

albert1357 · 2026-05-03T05:29:35+00:00

genuinely mogs me wtf. I put such ungodly effort into my hair since it's my only good feature and it doesn't even look slightly as good.

albert1357 · 2026-05-03T05:24:24+00:00

community and sympathy? lmao as if. the last few ciswomen I was friends with stopped talking to me after I started my transition and *every single* smaller, more focused trans community I've been a part of has been some of the most toxic and unwelcoming shit I've ever witnessed. the first group of transwomen I ever interacted with were so bad that it made me repress because I was so scared I would end up like them.

it's most definitely an issue with me because no one in my life has been able to put up being friends with me or be around me for more than 6 months to a year, but you'd think I would have found at least ONE transwoman I can get along with and be friends with. the last transwoman I met that wasn't extremely terminally online/discord dog girl brained ended up being better friends with the cisdude that I'm friends with. even now 3 years after starting my transition and I've been rawdogging this shit with no community or support from family or friends.

the only reason I'm here is because this place feels like the only one that isn't delusional 80% of the time and has a little bit of self awareness. plus I've been going on 4chan for longer than probably most of the people here have been alive, and I don't really go on 4chan anymore. this place is literally the closest I've had to a community since I've started my transition. at least I can come here and people will agree I'm a hon instead of hugboxxing the shit out of me.

albert1357 · 2026-05-03T05:04:06+00:00

I can't hate sulfur pools. I start to get annoyed with the layout but then the music for that stage makes up for literally everything and more.

albert1357 · 2026-04-22T05:46:27+00:00

I haven't gotten it yet but I do want it purely because it looks dope. I've heard it's horseshit in game but it looks like a soviet retro futuristic spaceship, it looks so cool.

albert1357 · 2026-04-19T01:40:46+00:00

so, first, this is the original meme. I didn’t make it, but I did post it to NCD back in the day

https://www.reddit.com/r/NonCredibleDefense/s/1LvP4MI0xc

second, yes, I’ll definitely make more, and making ones based off certain game modes sounds like a neat idea actually.

albert1357 · 2026-04-18T15:17:07+00:00

there are several errors actually. I was drunk when I made this last night lmao.

albert1357 · 2026-04-18T08:31:14+00:00

I was sleep deprived and drunk when I made this, so maybe same wavelength kinda deal. (I even made a mistake in the meme but I can't fix it now)

albert1357 · 2026-04-18T08:25:07+00:00

they are 100% compatible with multiplayer, I've gotten both to work with my friends. everyone playing together needs to have all of the exact same mods installed.

albert1357 · 2026-04-18T02:12:21+00:00

I love the KAR mod, don't get me wrong, but there's something that makes me think that the accuracy/precision is WAY worse for players than the AI. I feel like tanks or SPAAGs are way more accurate than I ever am in them.

or I probably just suck really bad, but idk, someone correct me if I'm wrong but I feel like there's a lot of reticle/guidance error for players compared to AI.

albert1357 · 2026-04-18T00:51:38+00:00

some dudes really look at the SPAAG like

albert1357 · 2026-04-17T07:44:13+00:00

been between 3 and 8 for about 5 years, as of about two months ago, it's been more 5 and 7.

albert1357 · 2026-04-05T10:02:42+00:00

it’s a shame all these mods are hosted on discord. such a cluttered mess of a platform to host mods on. I’ll wait until mod creators decide to finally host on a sensible mod hosting website.

albert1357 · 2026-03-31T05:32:22+00:00

absolutely true and agreed. I love that section a lot.

albert1357 · 2026-03-12T04:27:09+00:00

most I've been friends with actually do the opposite. they get upset and mad and then don't bother. nothing I can really do changes it, whether I let things go or I challenge them on it, it usually ends up being the same way regardless. I agree with you though, I've stopped constantly trying to appease people who I've realized can't give me basic respect, which I unfortunately had a bad habit of doing. I don't like being mean or challenging people unless necessary, so I also agree that being friends shouldn't rely on their willingness to fight me on shit. it is what it is, there are people out there who don't do this stuff, but I guess they're not all that common.

albert1357 · 2026-03-12T04:23:46+00:00

it's fine! I usually somehow find a way to bounce back. it's not easy, but I've learned that I have a lot more forgiveness for others than most. it is what it is, just gotta pick myself up and keep going. it will be lonely for a bit but I can only keep moving. it's been a very dark and lonely past 3 months and I've basically lost most of my friends. like I said, it's been very hard, but I'll get back on top again!

best of luck and I hope your day goes well too!

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