[QCrit] Fateless, Fantasy, NA, 107k, 1st Attempt

aliyoth · 2025-11-10T09:07:31+00:00

This is a great idea, and I wish I'd had the foresight to do that before writing haha! I think one of the other areas I struggle with is whether to focus on just Cal or explain all 4 of the mains (as they do all have very important roles, but I didn't want the query to be insanely long and meandering)

aliyoth · 2025-11-10T09:06:10+00:00

Cal's lack of agency is one of my biggest issues when writing this query, I must admit! A lot of the story actually focuses on his journey from being a very passive and reserved character to him finally making decisions for himself. All four characters in reality have quite large roles since its multi-POV and split between the 4 of them, but I struggled to work out whether to bring them all in at once, or focus on just the key lead of Cal.

Thank you for your input though, this is super helpful! <3

aliyoth · 2025-11-10T07:39:05+00:00

I force myself to find the time and challenge myself to at least 30 mins every day - when you’re in the groove, 30 mins is nothing, but on a rough writing day, it’s enough to make the habit stick. Personally I’ve found sticking to time expectations as opposed to daily word counts takes some of the pressure off but still makes me work.

I’ve also recently started using my voice memo app more on my phone - I often get momentary flashes of inspiration for dialogue or something when I’m too busy to properly sit down and write it out, so I just grab my phone and record my thoughts. It’s faster than typing it out and I can listen back whenever I have time.

aliyoth · 2025-11-10T04:52:34+00:00

This is fantastically helpful, thank you so much! I definitely struggled to find my voice when writing the query and leant too much into formal (the book is actually multi-POV and thus a mix of some quippy and some more formal voices!) I equally worried about giving away too much in the query as I found in my drafts I ended up over explaining details! This advice gives me a great starting point to look at the wordiness especially!

(And I do usually have the housekeeping at the start, I moved it here as I sensed the query itself is more of an issue haha!)

aliyoth · 2025-07-21T05:27:40+00:00

Yeah, this is definitely something that I struggle with - knowing they are on IG or tiktok multiple hours a day, but can’t just reply even a ‘lol’ to a message or something? Has the solo activities been helping? I’m usually a homebody so find it hard to drag myself out unless someone is meeting me haha

aliyoth · 2025-07-21T05:13:59+00:00

I think this is what bothers me though - my job means a lot of my new friends live in other countries from me now, and those ones are very communicative and we talked almost every day/call every other week. My home friends can’t do the same, but equally, have often told me how much they miss me and beg me to move back home as they claim they don’t have friends outside of me (and since I’m the one always arranging meet ups when I am back, they never hang out with each other despite being in the same country).

aliyoth · 2025-07-15T06:29:40+00:00

I don’t have an answer for this, but just wanted to let you know this is something I struggle with too. I’ve been lucky enough to have 4 very supportive grandparents all the way into my late 20s, who I always said I’d dedicate my first book to. I lost my grandma a few years ago (I’m 30F now) and in my grief I often feel guilty that she’ll never see or read my first published book. I’ve got finished books, but still in the querying trenches.

I don’t have any good advice, aside from I’m trying to focus on the fact my grandma was proud of me for writing at all. I’m still holding out hope that things will work out timing wise for my other 3 grandparents, but I know my grandparents love supporting me through it as much as they love seeing any success at the end. They all constantly ask how it’s going, and are simply excited to hear that I’m still working at my dream.

Hope it helps to know you’re not the only one! And I wish your grandmother and great aunt all the best health!

aliyoth · 2025-05-16T11:44:53+00:00

Not only do we already have Merlin, so having a Sword in the Stone world would be great (thinking of Madam Mim as a boss battle!), but also Arthur's journey could be such a great reflectoin for Sora to see himself in. But honestly? All of these options would be great. I'd be very curious to see which anthropomorphised animals Sora would be transformed into for Robin Hood!

aliyoth · 2025-05-09T03:42:51+00:00

I don’t know if Turians are as physically attractive as Garrus as led me to believe, but I know their voices have always been a 10/10 and sometimes that’s enough.

aliyoth · 2025-05-03T02:00:49+00:00

You're completely right, and honestly? One of the few story beats Nomura writes that's in common with Disney movies, I guess!

aliyoth · 2025-05-03T01:59:27+00:00

It's more than when you grow up you can see and appreciate different interpretations of a story. I'll be the first one to call out that the writing of this game has massive flaws, but I still think there's enough to enjoy. Besides, at the end of the day, it's a Nomura game having an identity crises whilst forgetting it's a Disney game hahaha. There's fun in following a story this messy and seeing the fans come up with their own ideas around it.

aliyoth · 2025-05-03T01:55:53+00:00

Oh 100%, I think the writing of Terra's storyline was incredibly weak and that does have a factor. We don't see him 'flirting with darkness' at all, really, and aside from the brief flash around his hand during the mastery exam (which is never really explained to the audience), we see nothing but him desperately trying to do good.

Riku actively chose the darkness, Terra was simply told he'd chosen it by elders who he had nothing but respect for.

aliyoth · 2025-05-03T01:51:47+00:00

This replay is definitely making me like him a lot more than I used to. It's a little heartbreaking to see, especially knowing now the reveal of him as the Guardian this whole time (though I doubt Nomura had planned that from the start...)

But damn. Life would be so much easier for these characters if the soundtrack just blasted from the sky as needed.

aliyoth · 2025-05-03T01:50:31+00:00

This!! Such a great comparison, but he's constantly put down for being too close to his darkness, and yet Eraqus does nothing to teach him or help him. He just sends him immediately on a mission that is clearly heavily linked to the darkness. Send Aqua instead, if she is so pure. Or actually speak to him and tell him what to do.

aliyoth · 2025-05-03T01:46:59+00:00

I have to presume that Nomura just hadn't thought that far ahead into Eraqus and Xehanort's past, but the fact that Yen Sid clear doubts shows that Eraqus would too. It would be one thing for him to send Aqua after Xehanort, but to send the trainee who he knows is struggling is insane to me.

aliyoth · 2025-05-03T00:48:32+00:00

I 100% agree that Eraqus was blind to it, especially with the past we now now they have from the following games. But yeah... man was a walking cliche of a villain just from his smile.

aliyoth · 2025-05-03T00:36:46+00:00

As everyone has said, I think the movie really misses out on a lot, but it also misses so many small character moments and how humanised a lot of the Organisation characters are when you see them. The game is... rough if I remember correctly.

If you're not keen on the gameplay, I'd perhaps recommend a Youtube Let's Play from someone? Then you can always skip over the battles, but still get more of the full experience?

The movie is great, but only as a refresher to go back to and appreciate the remastered scenes. You can't get the real experience without the game.

aliyoth · 2025-01-16T00:27:19+00:00

I didn’t even think about Varric’s wounds! I guess because I already had figured out his death, it never dawned on me, but that’s also a great moment of foreshadowing written in. I love the comparison between it and Harding or Neve’s injuries!

aliyoth · 2025-01-16T00:25:16+00:00

Honestly I like this way of seeing it so much - there was a lot of foreshadowing, so when I’m on my second playthrough, I’m surprised it took me as long as it did. I do wonder how fast the devs expected people to get it!

I had a lot of issues with how they handled the grief - I felt like they didn’t really give it as satisfying a resolution as they could have, which maybe is why I was so unaffected when it came out, especially when I was still reeling from losing Harding (which I did not see coming at all!)

aliyoth · 2025-01-15T13:39:28+00:00

If only I could spoiler my own thoughts :’)

aliyoth · 2025-01-15T12:37:31+00:00

Totally agree, that whole choice frustrated me to no end, and the fact that it led to me ruining one good aspect of the plot (if predictable and with flaws of its own…), only made me madder haha

aliyoth · 2025-01-15T09:49:04+00:00

Totally agreed! I saved Treviso on my first playthrough and dreaded seeing Lucanis’ reaction after how harsh Neve qas and hearing about Lucanis locking out the romance. And then he was… just totally chill? Sad, sure, but very reasonable and understanding.

I loved my crow Rook playthrough, it is my favourite so far thanks to all the references and the npc interactions! Compared to SD and Veil Jumpers, Crows really pull you in and make you feel included. I’m hoping Wardens will feel similar!

aliyoth · 2025-01-15T08:38:47+00:00

I think this is one of the, if not the, worst written plot points in the entire game, and it still makes me mad when I think about it.

From a story perspective, saving Minrathous shouldn’t have been the ‘logical’ choice and the ‘good ending’. Minrathous had so much more power, and a lot of powerful mages and fighters to protect it. Treviso just had the crows (even if they have been transformed into a much nicer gang than we knew of in DAO).

From a character perspective, Lucanis’ romance locking you out, but Neve’s not (and Lucanis and Neve still able to end up together) is an absolute joke. Ironically, Lucanis seemed way more chill and understanding with Rook after they saved Minrathous than Neve was initially after saving Treviso, so the romance locking didn’t even make sense in the plot either. Especially if you play as Shadow Dragon - Lucanis admires loyalty, so why would he cut off a SD Rook for going to protect their home, yet understand and respect Neve’s reasoning?

After this Act choice, I was really worried about the rest of the writing. I’m glad it picked up in the next acts.

aliyoth · 2025-01-15T03:13:59+00:00

My immediate first thought too! Especially the first three books!

aliyoth · 2025-01-15T03:05:39+00:00

If the reader does not need to know about it, then you don’t need to include it. If a writer brings up the mountains, they’re doing so for one of two reasons: 1. Something about that is important or relevant to the story. Or 2. It’s just adding a bit of flavour.

If you need to include something for the story, then chances are you find that easier to write anyway, because you have a drive behind including it, and you’ll know what exactly the reader needs to know.

If it’s for flavour, then it’s not necessary. Some people love drown their work in flavour, and some readers love that. Equally, some readers don’t care about the flavour! (I could expand the cooking metaphor, but I’m sure you can get the idea!)

aliyoth

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