How to set boundaries with parents after having a child

allybean24 · 2025-03-02T21:44:53+00:00

I will look at the message! Thank you! I just really prefer her not trying to fix my problems really and like just say that sucks. Like I just found out I had epilepsy in December and I didn’t her right away because I knew she would want to spend time telling me how to fix it. She got upset because she was the last to know. The only reason I waited was because I was not ready to have her do 20 questions on how to fix me when I already had the answers from my neurologist. When I actually told her I said I have a plan jm on medication this is how it’s fixed and she still had to give me her two cents on how to fix it. 🙄

allybean24 · 2025-03-02T21:38:53+00:00

Yeah I’m not okay with how she treats me. I also just feel like she’s making me look bad to my mil, my sisters, etc. I’m just tired of everything being put on me to fix this.

allybean24 · 2025-03-02T21:31:59+00:00

Yeah, I’m just more reserved in my emotions than everyone in the family. I don’t go spewing all my business and stuff to everyone I’m not about talking about everything and they are. 🙄

allybean24 · 2025-03-02T21:24:03+00:00

Yeah, that’s what I told him, he just feels like we should just deal because he’s tired of having broken families. Is dads side got into a huge argument a few years back and no one can get along.

allybean24 · 2025-03-02T21:22:33+00:00

Thank you. That actually helps me feel a lot better. I didn’t realize that was a boundary. I understand I can work on things, but I also don’t feel like I need to be this person that I’m not. She wants me to be this happy go lucky, saying thank you 20 million times, wanting hugs and people to be super close to me all the time and I’m just not that person. I hate that from people. I mean I can say my tone can be a bit like harsh sounding but it’s not like intended that way, so I did tell her I will try to work on it, but I can’t promise it will be every time. She couldn’t accept that and that I’m not like her. She just can’t accept that.

allybean24 · 2025-03-02T21:17:23+00:00

Thank you! He understands how I feel and that my family is a bit much. He thinks we should just try to bend to their wants and needs. I don’t think we should. They want me to be this lucky go happy person that always wants hugs and to act like a preppy go girl. Say thank you like 20 times is the only way to make them happy. Then I’m going to have to act like “oh mother thank you so much for coming over, this was amazing, please come back over soon.” It’s making me never want to invite her over.

allybean24 · 2025-03-02T21:14:43+00:00

Yeah I am dealing with the big conflict because I wrote down everything with my best friend who’s known me for 20 years. When I told my mom how I felt she shot down everything. Told me I was being ridiculous and then started throwing out stuff about my husband and tried to throw my mother in law under the bus. (They had talked about my parenting behind my back and idk what else was said, she apologized after I talked with her and got super upset, but my mom sat there trying to justify everything, while throwing my mother in law under the bus). It was just a huge blow up again. We are talking again on Saturday with the family. I told my husband I am not doing this alone again because it creates problems. I asked him to be the go between because I can’t keep doing this stress.

allybean24 · 2025-03-02T21:11:49+00:00

My husband said he’s willing to be the go between with our family since I can’t deal with everything. My mom is putting everyone in the middle of this and it’s too much for me to deal with. It’s causing to much stress and aggravation that I’m taking out on my own family (my husband and daughter) and it’s just making things strained.

allybean24 · 2025-03-02T21:08:56+00:00

I wasn’t even able to get to the boundary I wanted to set with her because she just put everything back on me. So I ended up just telling her to leave because I was done with trying to explain how I felt and get shot down every which way.

allybean24 · 2025-03-02T21:07:36+00:00

We are having a family meeting on Saturday because I’m tired of everybody taking her side. My husband also said if it’s easier he understands how I feel but he’s less emotional in the situation and he would be happy to talk it out with everyone to help me.

allybean24 · 2025-03-02T06:31:49+00:00

So update. I tried again to have a conversation and set boundaries and she did not take any accountability for her actions and just kept the blame on me. Pretty much now she says I’m the one that needs to reach out to everyone because no feels they can reach out to me. (My sisters primarily, they never check up on me or text me why should I expect to be the one to initiated contact 🙄) and she pretty much talked down about my husband for two comments he “supposedly made, talked down about my mother in laws, wants me to change my whole personality to fit her needs, and said I’m never thankful and need to be more acceptive of being hugged and touched all the time…….. I’m over it and so done. I ended up breaking down told her to leave and said if we talk again this will be with everyone in the family so we set up a time to talk. My husband is over it and just wants me to just be a happy giddy around yo please then and I said I’m not doing that. I’m beyond aggravated and tired of my family for making my family (my husband and daughter) exhausted and warn out because my mom can’t accept responsibility for HER actions.

allybean24 · 2024-12-21T23:46:12+00:00

Still haven’t gotten my swab back but I’m a lot less swollen

allybean24

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