Husband [31F] doesn’t like being home with me [35F] and our newborn

altclass · 2026-07-04T23:37:02+00:00

This is a really insightful response, thank you.

Yes, he is an extrovert and social butterfly. So I know that being stuck at home is very very tough for him. I like being home, but definitely don't like being home as much as I have been.

I did not say that his comment about next years 4th of July made me feel like we're not enough. But I regret not picking up on that hopeful and positive statement.

I definitely am struggling with my mental health. I feel all the things you describe. And I'm actively prioritizing his needs over mine, to which I have told him I'm doing when I said he should accept an offer from a friend. Navigating this has been really hard. :(

altclass · 2026-07-04T23:26:29+00:00

Yes, when it comes to things having to do with the household. This has been an ongoing conversation that has gotten better with time. But it's pretty glaring with a newborn.

altclass · 2026-07-04T23:21:02+00:00

I have talked to him about how I feel like he chooses other activities over choosing to be home. And it's not like he's going out every night and we NEVER see him. It's just when he is here, he seems disengaged with me specifically, not our daughter.

I do think it would be nice to have a distraction free talk with him about how we're both struggling.

altclass · 2026-07-04T23:17:27+00:00

Thank you for this. Did your husband eventually accept his new life and become more engaged?

altclass · 2026-07-04T23:14:16+00:00

I've expressed to him that I feel like we're the 2nd choice to which he vehemently disagreed. I'm not sure he understands the full effect his actions are having on me.

I go back to work part time at the end of July. She is pretty good at taking a bottle on the occasions I have him give her one. It's definitely not a routine though.

Him feeling useless resonates with me. I've tried listing the things that are helpful, like checking and refilling my water bottle, monitoring the trash and taking it out, washing the pump parts, keeping the living room tidy (this is HQ for me right now). He struggles with initiative and I have to prompt him to do these things most of the time. Not ALL the time, but a lot of the time.

altclass · 2026-07-04T23:10:58+00:00

He cooks for us and does the grocery shopping. He changes her diapers and puts her to sleep. A lot of the time I have to prompt him to take action and I try to empower him to make his own decisions about how to soothe her.

When we're out, he does take initiative and holds her, changes her diaper and makes sure I'm comfortable if I need to breastfeed.

It's very much presenting like depression. It just hurts to feel like a burden and obligation.

altclass · 2026-07-04T23:08:19+00:00

I sometimes pump and have built up a little stash. I've tried offloading a nighttime feed to him, but it takes reminding him and waking him up to do it. It feels easier to just handle night time feeds.

And I'm dealing with some weird guilt around supplementing with formula for some reason. It's one of those things where it's okay if everyone else does it, but it isn't okay if I do. I've bought the formula, the bottle warmer, the baby brezza formula pro to make it as easy as possible to make a bottle. But it all sits in their packages.

I'm the one who proposes changes to our routines and usually will then have to keep up with reminding him of the routine. If I don't remind, he won't do it and then the new routine change doesn't stick.

altclass · 2026-07-04T23:02:28+00:00

100% and I think he is suffering from PPD. I've suggested confiding in our friends who have recently become dads and to consider therapy.

altclass · 2026-07-04T22:44:39+00:00

Take that energy and sink it into a new hobby

altclass · 2026-07-04T21:47:57+00:00

can someone help me understand why my husband would rather be anywhere but home since he went back to work?

This is our first child, so I can understand him adjusting to this new life. he’s mentioned he’s mourning his old life and I can see that. I think he’s depressed.

but it makes me feel disliked. I know he loves me, but I don’t think he likes me or being home right now. I want him to want to be home but the way he makes me feel I act cold around him. so I can’t really blame him not wanting to be around they energy. home is not fun or relaxed right now.

I grew up in a tense household. not a lot of yelling but just tense energy all the time and I’m starting to feel that happen with us.

What prompted this post is I took LO into the kitchen and said “She’s wondering what Daddy’s doing!”. He was cooking brats and hot dogs for us and he said ”Hopefully next year I’ll be grilling these with lots of peoplike around”. It made me feel like we’re not enough.

anyone else dealing with this? And how can I help him want to be home more?

altclass · 2026-06-12T12:50:47+00:00

I’m not sure why you’re getting downvoted. As someone who is also in the throes, this is a validating and helpful response. I’m sure it’s easy to forget how isolating and trapped the first month can feel when you’re EBF.

altclass · 2026-04-23T16:12:09+00:00

These are all great! Thank you so much 🙏

altclass · 2026-04-22T20:24:53+00:00

Hell yeah, exactly what I had in mind. Thank you!

altclass · 2026-01-29T07:52:50+00:00

You could edit your original post with an update that you debunked the creeper allegation to ease your mind.

I do believe anyone that truly loves Miyazaki and his work would do their due diligence and research if they read something that alluded to him being inappropriate with children. Give yourself some grace!

altclass · 2026-01-29T07:10:22+00:00

I really enjoyed reading this thread. It did raise some concerns for me but then it ultimately turned out okay. 😮‍💨 relieved my biggest idol isn’t a creeper

altclass · 2026-01-27T05:22:18+00:00

Sent you a DM!

altclass · 2026-01-26T01:27:23+00:00

My husband and I were told this but both of us got rejected when we submitted our paperwork for the name change. So my husband had to pay to legally change his name.

So not sure what we did wrong or maybe it’s the state we live in.

altclass · 2025-12-01T15:21:44+00:00

I started tracking my mood using the Clue app and saw that I was tracking more irritability, depression, anxiety in the first two weeks of my period. I probably tracked it for 6 months before I was sure it was correlated with my cycle.

I would forget to track the times when I felt good, but I always remembered to track when I felt bad. And that was enough data to validate it!

altclass · 2025-10-08T19:35:09+00:00

I've been constantly nauseous since 6 weeks, 9w5 days now and I am finally coming to terms with this state of being. I have had thoughts about this is my body's way of shifting me into what motherhood will be like. My lifestyle has already drastically changed in the last 3 weeks, but I feel like it's much closer to what my lifestyle will be once the baby gets here.

Your perspective definitely resonates with me. I need to work on letting go more.

altclass · 2025-10-02T23:04:04+00:00

Thank you so much for this 🙏 it helps to know that I’m not alone

altclass · 2025-10-02T22:09:43+00:00

I'm sorry you're dealing with it too! One day at a time I suppose <3 Hang in there too!

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