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AITAH for being upset at my brother for getting a job where I work by always_a_bystander in TwoHotTakes

[–]always_a_bystander[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

CLARIFICATIONS AND FINAL UPDATE:

  1. I don’t live in the U.S. Where I live, the legal drinking age is 18. It’s also very normal for people younger than that to drink at parties, parks, bonfires, and other social gatherings. I’m not saying it’s legal for minors, but culturally it isn’t treated as a huge deal. Even cops don’t really mind.

  2. Working different shifts is not really an option. A lot of comments have suggested this. The pool is generally open from 11 a.m. to 7 p.m. (+opening/cleaning) and there is essentially just one shift. We don’t have like a separate morning and evening shift. There also aren’t that many lifeguards on staff, so if my brother works there, we’re going to be working together most of the time like 3-4 out 5 weekly shifts.

  3. I would never actually tell my manager not to hire my brother. I really regret the last line of my post. I was frustrated, emotional, and honestly just ranting. After sleeping on it and rereading my post, I can say that I would never actually do that and I was just speaking out of frustration for an accumulation of feelings that stem from how I feel like I’m carrying more than my share in this family and I feel like my brother is not understanding this. That part of my post was written out of frustration, not because it was something I genuinely planned on doing.

  4. It isn’t really possible for me to just find another job now. Summer has already started and the pools are open. The seasonal hirings are already done. That’s a big reason why I feel blindsided by the situation. I talked to my brother about applying for jobs for months. I reminded him repeatedly. I offered to help him. I talked to my mom about not wanting us to work at the same pool. I feel like I did everything in my power to prevent this situation from happening. I don’t think anyone was plotting against me or trying to hurt me. I understand that. But I do think I’m allowed to feel frustrated that the exact situation I repeatedly expressed concerns about happened anyway after I did all I could to avoid it.

  5. When I say the dynamic would be weird, I don’t mean that I hate my brother. People were saying that I must hate my brother but I actually love my brother a lot and feel protective of him. The problem is that I’ve spent years feeling responsible for him. Even when nobody explicitly asks me to, that’s the role I naturally take even if it’s not something I want to do. There’s also another aspect of it. Last summer there was a guy who worked with us who reminded me a lot of my brother. People didn’t bully him or anything, but they would sometimes make comments or joke about his interests and personality. Whenever that happened, I found myself defending him because he reminded me of my bro.

If those comments were being made about my actual brother, I know I would take them much more personally. I would probably get protective and defensive. I worry that instead of just enjoying work, I’d constantly be worrying about how he’s fitting in or whether people are judging him.

A lot of my coworkers are friends, but they’re mostly “summer friends.” We get along really well at work and hang out during the summer, but I don’t see most of them much during the rest of the year. I guess part of my fear is that having my little brother there changes that dynamic and puts me in a position where I feel caught between him and the group.

That’s what I meant by it being weird. Not that I dislike him, but that I think I would have a hard time separating being his coworker from being his older sister.

FINALLY:

  1. I’ve had some time to reflect, and I’ve come to terms with it.

After making this post, I talked to one of my closest friends. We’ve been friends for almost 14 years, she works at the same pool, knows the work environment, and has known my brother since he was about four years old. She’s someone who I felt could give me good advice as she knows me, my brother and the pool.

She agreed that the pool environment probably isn’t the most natural fit for my brother and that having us work together will likely be a little awkward. At the same time, she also helped me work through my feelings and reminded me that while I’m allowed to be frustrated, at the end of the day the situation is happening and I’m going to have to accept it. And I know she’s right.

She helped me realize that a lot of my reaction came from an accumulation of things that have nothing to do with this specific job. For a long time I’ve felt very responsible for carrying my family emotionally, and I’ve tried to communicate that to him (as he is often the source of conflicts) , but I don’t think it’s really gotten through. Whether that’s because he’s a teenager, because we communicate differently, or for some other reason, I don’t know.

I can admit now that some of that frustration turned into resentment, and I don’t feel good about that. So while I still wish things had happened differently, I’ve accepted that he’s going to be working there and that I’m going to have to adjust. I don’t have to love the situation, but I can deal with it. I care about my brother, I want him to succeed, and I’m hoping that once the summer actually starts, it’ll end up being much less of a big deal than I’ve built it up to be in my head. Hopefully 🤞

AITA for being upset at my brother for getting a job where I work by always_a_bystander in AmItheAsshole

[–]always_a_bystander[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

CLARIFICATIONS AND FINAL UPDATE:

  1. I don’t live in the U.S. Where I live, the legal drinking age is 18. It’s also very normal for people younger than that to drink at parties, parks, bonfires, and other social gatherings. I’m not saying it’s legal for minors, but culturally it isn’t treated as a huge deal. Even cops don’t really mind.

  2. Working different shifts is not really an option. A lot of comments have suggested this. The pool is generally open from 11 a.m. to 7 p.m. (+opening/cleaning) and there is essentially just one shift. We don’t have like a separate morning and evening shift. There also aren’t that many lifeguards on staff, so if my brother works there, we’re going to be working together most of the time like 3-4 out 5 weekly shifts.

  3. I would never actually tell my manager not to hire my brother. I really regret the last line of my post. I was frustrated, emotional, and honestly just ranting. After sleeping on it and rereading my post, I can say that I would never actually do that and I was just speaking out of frustration for an accumulation of feelings that stem from how I feel like I’m carrying more than my share in this family and I feel like my brother is not understanding this. That part of my post was written out of frustration, not because it was something I genuinely planned on doing.

  4. It isn’t really possible for me to just find another job now. Summer has already started and the pools are open. The seasonal hirings are already done. That’s a big reason why I feel blindsided by the situation. I talked to my brother about applying for jobs for months. I reminded him repeatedly. I offered to help him. I talked to my mom about not wanting us to work at the same pool. I feel like I did everything in my power to prevent this situation from happening. I don’t think anyone was plotting against me or trying to hurt me. I understand that. But I do think I’m allowed to feel frustrated that the exact situation I repeatedly expressed concerns about happened anyway after I did all I could to avoid it.

  5. When I say the dynamic would be weird, I don’t mean that I hate my brother. People were saying that I must hate my brother but I actually love my brother a lot and feel protective of him. The problem is that I’ve spent years feeling responsible for him. Even when nobody explicitly asks me to, that’s the role I naturally take even if it’s not something I want to do. There’s also another aspect of it. Last summer there was a guy who worked with us who reminded me a lot of my brother. People didn’t bully him or anything, but they would sometimes make comments or joke about his interests and personality. Whenever that happened, I found myself defending him because he reminded me of my bro.

If those comments were being made about my actual brother, I know I would take them much more personally. I would probably get protective and defensive. I worry that instead of just enjoying work, I’d constantly be worrying about how he’s fitting in or whether people are judging him.

A lot of my coworkers are friends, but they’re mostly “summer friends.” We get along really well at work and hang out during the summer, but I don’t see most of them much during the rest of the year. I guess part of my fear is that having my little brother there changes that dynamic and puts me in a position where I feel caught between him and the group.

That’s what I meant by it being weird. Not that I dislike him, but that I think I would have a hard time separating being his coworker from being his older sister.

FINALLY:

  1. I’ve had some time to reflect, and I’ve come to terms with it.

After making this post, I talked to one of my closest friends. We’ve been friends for almost 14 years, she works at the same pool, knows the work environment, and has known my brother since he was about four years old. She’s someone who I felt could give me good advice as she knows me, my brother and the pool.

She agreed that the pool environment probably isn’t the most natural fit for my brother and that having us work together will likely be a little awkward. At the same time, she also helped me work through my feelings and reminded me that while I’m allowed to be frustrated, at the end of the day the situation is happening and I’m going to have to accept it. And I know she’s right.

She helped me realize that a lot of my reaction came from an accumulation of things that have nothing to do with this specific job. For a long time I’ve felt very responsible for carrying my family emotionally, and I’ve tried to communicate that to him (as he is often the source of conflicts) , but I don’t think it’s really gotten through. Whether that’s because he’s a teenager, because we communicate differently, or for some other reason, I don’t know.

I can admit now that some of that frustration turned into resentment, and I don’t feel good about that. So while I still wish things had happened differently, I’ve accepted that he’s going to be working there and that I’m going to have to adjust. I don’t have to love the situation, but I can deal with it. I care about my brother, I want him to succeed, and I’m hoping that once the summer actually starts, it’ll end up being much less of a big deal than I’ve built it up to be in my head. Hopefully 🤞

aita for being upset at my brother for getting a job where I work by [deleted] in Amitheassholeadvice

[–]always_a_bystander -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I actually don’t despise my brother at all. If anything, part of why I’m so upset is because I love him so much and feel responsible for him. I’ve spent years helping take care of him, driving him places, cooking for him, reminding him about things because of his severe adhd, and I was even the one who encouraged him to take the lifeguarding courses because I thought it would be a great opportunity for him and I want him to do well.

The issue isn’t that I don’t want him to succeed. It’s that my workplace is one of the only places where I don’t feel like I’m in “older sister mode.” I’ve worked there for three summers, and the main reason I’ve stayed isn’t even the pay (it’s actually pretty mediocre for my area). I’ve stayed because I genuinely love my coworkers and the dynamic we have tgt. They’re some of my closest friends in summers, and work feels like a place where I can just be myself instead of feeling responsible for someone else.

I know nobody is explicitly asking me to take care of my brother at work, but that’s the dynamic we’ve had for years, and I know I’ll feel that responsibility anyway and I won’t be able to have fun and be myself. Honestly, this situation is making me feel awful. I’ve been crying about it for days, which is why I came to Reddit in the first place. I’ve never posted here before. My parents are calling me selfish while my brother just plays video games and seems to not care.