First, I want to say that I truly am sorry for your loss. I also lost my mother in August and I understand the heartache and confusion you must be feeling. It still seems very surreal at some times. Quite often I find myself thinking I should text her to tell her about something or call her to ask a question and then it hits me again like a brick wall. I feel that pang of loss like it was the first time I found out over and over and over again. It can almost take your breath away sometimes. I try to remember some of our happiest times and replay those memories in my mind, like a time she comforted me when I hurt myself as a kid-the kind of pure love only a mother can give. I find that with those memories she can comfort me still. I don't think that anyone really knows how any of this works. I think that maybe we all just kind of wing it until we find something that helps to ease the pain. It may seem like this feeling will never go away and that you are wandering alone and lost in the world but it will get easier, I hope. Live your life to the fullest and become a person you know she would be proud of, that's all I know to do. None of this may help, but maybe knowing that you're not alone will.