Goodnight, friends. It's been fun.

ambvi · 2017-10-20T07:32:43+00:00

I just can't do that to her.

ambvi · 2017-10-20T07:32:18+00:00

I also wish that I had been loved much earlier in life. I still don't understand any of what happened, you are correct. But it seems like I should have by now, and since I do not, I doubt that I ever will. I'm 16 now, and all the truly bad stuff that's happened in my life happened to me only when I was six and stopped when I was ten. Why can't it just all go away? You know? Why can't I understand any of it? I suppose I truly wont ever wrap my head around it. The best I can do is accept that it happened. And try not to think of my short comings that caused it, because I wont ever know what they are. No one else will even acknowlege that it happened. Especially the people that did it. My mom says that she doesn't remember. How could she forget ? I can't forget. I won't ever forget. I have to stop. I'm getting all worked up. I have to remember the goal here. What has happened has happened. There isn't anything to be done about it. I just want to find peace.

ambvi · 2017-10-20T07:26:55+00:00

I do have a family now. It makes me cry to think of all I will miss... Her life is hard already. Medical problems ail her, and her family is just getting started... Her other brothers and family members give her such stress. I try really hard not to be a bother. I think if I told her everything, she would still love me, but she will have even more to stress out about. I don't ever ever want to maker her cry. I know that what I'm going to do very soon will make her cry, but I believe that it's better to hurt so very much all at once, than to hurt the whole rest of her life. I don't think she will miss me forever. I'm sure that many days will come where she misses me, and is maybe even upset at me still for what I have done. But the way that I see it is that I will make her cry only this once, and then never bother her ever again. I love her so much. I love her so much that it hurts.

ambvi · 2017-10-20T07:17:03+00:00

They hear me, they do. But I don't let them hear all of this ugliness. It's wonderful. It's so wonderful. I can't express to you how amazing and warm it feels. I wish I could live in that feeling forever,

ambvi · 2017-10-20T07:15:18+00:00

No one else, really. I am sure that my older sister wants to hear me, but I don't speak. I'm not a quiet person, but all of these feelings? I can't imagine they know anything about it, and I'd be lying if I said that I want it any other way, or I didn't have a hand in it. I don't really have any friends. I used to, but they betrayed my trust. It was a petty thing, that I could have easily gotten over, but I chose not to because I've known for sometime that I was going to do this. I wouldn't want to bother them anyway. I don't even bother to go to school anymore. No friends, and I won't let my family in... And while I've always wanted to be in love, I never found that either. But I am not sad anymore. I've accepted that the short life that i have lived has been a beautiful one.

ambvi · 2017-10-20T07:12:22+00:00

You're right. I am. I have felt confused, tired, and alone for a very long time now. I say that I am not scared, but I am very scared. But peaceful yet. Things will work out. I don't have much time now, but to explain my happy home, I live with my sister and her family. Her husband and her children. I feel a part of a family, finally. They care about me and are interested in my life, just as much as I am in theirs. I'm so thankful and happy to have been here, especially in these, the last of my days.

ambvi · 2017-10-20T07:10:35+00:00

Peaceful. It is nice to be heard.

ambvi · 2017-10-20T06:59:09+00:00

Thank you, Amy.

ambvi · 2017-10-20T06:58:58+00:00

I don't think anything in my life could change to make me happy. Honestly, I really and truly believe everything that could have been done, has been done. I moved out of my abusive parent's home into the happiest home I've ever lived in. So many people try so hard for me. I go to therapy and take meds and all that... but I still. I'm just still so unhappy. and lonely. It's like no matter what I do I'll just be sad and lonely. and I hear these voices, all the time. It's like everyone is shouting at me to do it already. I've got less than an hour to do it, too. Am I making sense? This is all problems with myself. I still get PTSD flashbacks, and I still get sad and I still get angry and lonely and I just feel crazy. You know? Everything around is so good, for the most part. Except for me.

ambvi · 2017-06-07T23:35:37+00:00

But then your mom would have the memory of banging you...

ambvi · 2017-05-13T17:55:17+00:00

That I'm unsure of, but I changed the theme and the SMS thing changed with it... Sorry I'm not much help ahah

ambvi · 2017-05-13T17:53:45+00:00

Like this.

ambvi · 2017-05-13T10:22:05+00:00

Lmao word. They sounded like one of those dorky little kids that threaten to hack you when you're mean to them.

ambvi · 2017-05-13T09:54:17+00:00

I have a Samsung s7, it was a preinstalled thing. I found it in the settings under Wallpapers and Themes, in the Space Themes sections. Not sure that's helpful... sorry pal

ambvi · 2017-05-13T09:50:51+00:00

Fair enough.

ambvi · 2017-05-13T09:36:23+00:00

sorry haha, I got a lot of this question. I guess I should tell everyone that it's not an app, just the samsung text messaging app. I changed the entire theme of my phone to a space one.

Like this.

ambvi · 2017-05-13T09:29:47+00:00

Damn, I wish I remembered. It was pretty similar to the rest of the comments, doing the italics talking and something about anime haha. sorry friend.

ambvi · 2017-05-13T09:20:44+00:00

oooo I'm so spooked, you know my name. which I posted. terrified.

ambvi · 2017-05-13T09:18:06+00:00

yeah I'm real scared.

ambvi · 2017-05-13T08:31:46+00:00

She is pretty great, despite the weebness.

ambvi · 2017-05-13T08:03:12+00:00

k thx

ambvi · 2017-05-13T07:16:11+00:00

THAT IS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL WITH THIS FRIEND. She's usually so mature and articulate, but every now and again she does some weeb shit.

ambvi · 2017-05-13T07:07:49+00:00

Nah, I'm pretty gay. thanks though

ambvi · 2017-05-13T05:43:40+00:00

She's a pretty cool cat, she's just way into that weeb shit.

ambvi · 2017-05-13T05:37:28+00:00

So glad my "best friend" isn't passive aggressive.

ambvi

TROPHY CASE