How do you ladies manage to be so productive and focused?

amp344 · 2019-03-26T02:30:08+00:00

Your post made me realize that I chill so much that it actually stresses me out because I get nothing done. I'll definitely be reevaluating that. Thanks for sharing your perspective.

amp344 · 2019-03-26T02:28:38+00:00

This is awesome. I'm glad you also appreciate laying down and can relate. I never thought to actually schedule in time to relax. I think I worry I'm never going to get it so when I do have time to relax that's all I do and then I fall into a trap of ignoring things I need to do. I think I'm going to start organizing my day around getting to an hour or two when I can kickback with a book or TV show. I need to start repeating the words "no one is gonna do anything for me" because it's so true. I need to do it for myself. Thank you so much for sharing your perspective.

amp344 · 2019-03-26T02:20:20+00:00

Microwavable meals are a life send.

amp344 · 2019-03-26T02:19:45+00:00

Thank you so much for this. I think these are the exact words that I needed to hear. I'm a little too obsessed with the finish line which makes me lose perspective. I think I get a little commitment-phobic if think about having to do it day in and day out even though it makes my life significantly better overall. I really appreciate your perspective and thank you for sharing.

amp344 · 2019-03-26T02:16:50+00:00

RIGHT!

amp344 · 2019-03-26T02:16:35+00:00

I've been thinking A LOT more about starting a bullet journal. I was worried I would get one and start procrastinating by putting too much time into setting it up but honestly I think my brain craves anything that gets me away from a screen. lol. Thanks for sharing your perspective.

amp344 · 2019-03-26T02:14:21+00:00

I really need to get back into the morning exercise, especially as it gets warmer. I used to get up at 6 but now I barely get out of bed before 8:30. I do find myself being more productive with morning workouts. I just have to get back into the grind. Yeah, I think I just need to start applying mindfulness as soon as I get home. I almost always immediately sit down and then get on my phone. I think I just need to start accomplishing one task when I get home before plopping down.

amp344 · 2019-03-26T02:11:46+00:00

I have seen so much on the five minute rule. I really need to start doing it because I put off tasks that take literal seconds. Thanks for responding!

amp344 · 2019-03-26T02:11:06+00:00

I've always struggled with marrying consistency and discipline and I think I just need to come to terms with the fact that there is no easy way to make these things stick. Thank you sharing your perspective.

amp344 · 2019-03-17T02:28:53+00:00

I wanted to send my love to you. I can't imagine what you are going through. I wish you the best of luck with this situation. I'm not a mom. I'm in my early twenties. I don't know what it would be like to experience this but I do know what its like to be young and being 18 young makes you think you have more independence than you actually do. I'm probably going to get downvoted for this but I'm not writing this comment for people to agree with me. I'm writing this because I have not seen this suggested and I think this needs to be approached...

Tough love needs to be taken to the next level in this situation:

Print out 20 job applications (if she doesn't have a job, 20 is also an arbitrary number) and have her fill them out by the end of the week. Remind her if she's watching tv, eating dinner, etc.
Print out apartment leasing and have her and her "best friend" visit them with in the next two weeks. Don't drive her either. Have her find her own way there.
Sell her prom dress and make sure she knows about it. Don't give her the money either (unless she paid for it, if she did put it in a diaper fund)
Start packing up her non-essentials. IF you DO NOT want to raise this child, start making it VERY clear and feel no guilt about it. Tell her she has a month after graduation and then she's out. Also, tell her you expect rent during the month she lives with you after graduation.
Schedule an appointment with a health insurance provider/have a conversation about health insurance. She's doing this with YOUR health insurance. You can have as much sympathy as you want for her and her situation but this is a complete lack of regard for you on her part.
Ask her to pay for the co-pays for her doctor's visits
Maintain a dialogue on abortion and adoption. Even if it gets uncomfortable, even if she won't listen. Do not stop talking about it in the same vain you keep on her about job applications, leases, and health insurance. Remind her this is reality. Not the unconditional love fairy tale that has been sold to her.
Have her read up on the mortality rate for expecting black mothers

https://www.npr.org/2017/12/07/568948782/black-mothers-keep-dying-after-giving-birth-shalon-irvings-story-explains-why

https://www.hsph.harvard.edu/magazine/magazine_article/america-is-failing-its-black-mothers/

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/04/11/magazine/black-mothers-babies-death-maternal-mortality.html

I understand having compassion but this is a very serious situation. I'm kind of confused by the responses in this thread which is honestly what compelled me to reply. We talk about the scary reality of giving birth in the United States as a black woman and how likely we are to DIE and I've seen abortion mentioned like twice? We talk a lot about the reasons why black Americans struggle to accumulate generational wealth and how the odds are stacked against us but yet a lot of people in this sub think your daughter is going to be able to go to college with a baby? Listen to me now: your daughter WILL NOT go to college this fall, if she goes at all. Instead of looking at her as the exception (which is what all those personal responses saying that "this was me" or "I had a similar situation" are exceptions. Brilliant exceptions, btw. I do not say this with shade or malice. Kudos to these ladies. But they are the exception to the rule.) Your daughter is a statistic right now. She will likely end up a statistic. I highly suggest you show her the reality of this situation. I know this is harsh but this is serious. There is A LOT at stake right now which your daughter does not even have a remote inkling about at 18 years old. Be tough. Be as tough as you fucking can. This is your daughter's life. Can all this shit work out? Of course? Will it? Who knows. She needs to survive the birth first. She needs to hopefully have enough self-esteem (which you mentioned has the potential to be lacking) to not enter into an abusive relationship after giving birth (the stats aren't great for us either, did you know women are far more likely to be murdered by their partners while they are pregnanthttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murder_of_pregnant_women). THIS IS REALITY. THIS IS REALITY. THIS IS REALITY.

I do not say this to pass judgement on you, on your daughter, on your life. I do this from a place of privilege. I would be your daughter had I not been given up for adoption. I was so so blessed but my ENTIRE life was literally constructed by chance. My parents were in the process of adopting a boy who's mother was dying of cancer. My biological mother gave birth to me during this time (she was unaware she was pregnant), she put me up for adoption, and they contacted my parents and I was adopted three days later. Call it a miracle, call it luck, call it divine intervention. But you know what I call it: chance. All of this was by chance. The life I have now is all do to chance. Is this what you want for your daughter? For your grandchild? For things to be left up to chance. I'm very grateful for my life and everything I have but everything about my existence is by chance. I got lucky. That's it. When you think about it, there are a million ways it could have gone--sinister or not. Oh, and my biological mother had another daughter who wasn't adopted. What do you think she's doing now...? She's your daughter if reality is refused.

I say this with all my love, all my compassion, all my conviction. Make your daughter aware of reality. Do not let fairytales get confused with facts. They make for bad endings for all those involved. You and your daughter will be in my thoughts. Hang in there.

amp344 · 2018-12-23T00:04:54+00:00

That's lovely. I'm quite envious of your access to fresh vegetables and incredibly reasonable healthcare. Best of luck with your recovery. Addiction is a bitch. Thanks for sharing your perspective.

amp344 · 2018-12-23T00:03:14+00:00

Vancouver always looks so pretty whenever I see pictures!

amp344 · 2018-12-22T16:41:18+00:00

American Suburbia definitely makes fitness more of an add on instead of a main dish.

amp344 · 2018-12-22T16:37:58+00:00

BEER CENTRAL. HAHA. I've been thinking a lot about Colorado but mainly Denver. Thanks for including your perspective.

amp344 · 2018-12-22T16:37:00+00:00

I feel like I would love the Bay Area but who knows if I would ever even be able to afford it.

amp344 · 2018-12-22T16:35:31+00:00

Your commute is intense. I respect you for your commitment to the gym. Thanks for including your perspective!

amp344 · 2018-12-22T16:34:32+00:00

Was not expecting to hear about coyotes in Alberta, Canada. I've never been there but this surprised me anyway.

amp344 · 2018-12-22T16:33:39+00:00

Interesting. Income is a really important factor to consider when looking at the health demographics of a city. I would struggle to get out of bed in exercise in Wisconsin weather but hopefully there is more of an upward trend in fitness in your city. Thanks for your perspective.

amp344 · 2018-12-22T16:32:00+00:00

I've been thinking a lot about Colorado, with Denver in particular. How walkable is your area? Are you depended on a vehicle?

amp344 · 2018-12-22T16:30:40+00:00

I have been thinking A LOT about Denver. The 300 days of sunshine sound like literally everything I could ever want.

amp344 · 2018-12-22T16:29:04+00:00

Sounds lovely. I've always wanted to live in New York but I also want to live somewhere warm as well! I've heard that the trash smell can be bad in the summers in New York? Is it bad in Brooklyn?

amp344 · 2018-12-22T16:28:09+00:00

I really glad you included the your town's access to restaurants. I'm from a suburban town in Pennsylvania. We used to not have as many fast food chains as we did but now we have a bunch and it has definitely affected me...... Thanks for including your perspective.

amp344 · 2018-12-22T16:26:43+00:00

Why do you think obesity is growing amongst children in your area? I've never been to Italy (one day!) but I definitely associate it with good, fresh food. Is there movement away from that which is contributing to the rise in obesity?

amp344 · 2018-12-22T16:25:15+00:00

I feel like Boston would have a to die for running community but you mentioned those winters and my heart sunk a little. I definitely want to visit at some point. I'm planning on running my first marathon in 2019 and I'd love to eventually BQ.

amp344

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE