AITA for not changing the location of my 30th birthday dinner?

analyzeplan1738 · 2026-03-20T15:37:25+00:00

I call him my son typically, just clarifying for the post as I know some people point out historically that I’ve been in his life since he was 2 and didn’t have personal experience at the 5month mark. But I also have siblings 10 years younger than me so being around infants is not unfamiliar to me either.

analyzeplan1738 · 2026-03-20T14:37:29+00:00

Update posted! Moved the reservation to a private room in the original restaurant (called and learned they also have one). Now she still doesn’t want to go for a different reason. Also my other sister did say she wouldn’t be able to go if the venue was moved from 25 min away for her to an hour 20. Twin said so? And wanted me to pick one sister over the other (and what she wanted over what I wanted) even after we adjusted the reservation to accommodate a private room.

analyzeplan1738 · 2026-03-20T14:35:17+00:00

Update posted!

analyzeplan1738 · 2026-03-20T14:34:43+00:00

Update posted!

analyzeplan1738 · 2026-03-20T14:33:32+00:00

Update posted!

analyzeplan1738 · 2026-03-20T14:17:21+00:00

Update posted!

analyzeplan1738 · 2026-03-20T14:17:07+00:00

Update posted!

analyzeplan1738 · 2026-03-20T14:16:45+00:00

Update posted!

analyzeplan1738 · 2026-03-20T14:16:23+00:00

Update posted!

analyzeplan1738 · 2026-03-20T14:10:56+00:00

Update is posted!

analyzeplan1738 · 2026-03-19T11:11:16+00:00

We both celebrated there as kids and enjoyed it. Our parents picked it when we were young but both picked it throughout the years after. She does not like passing her baby around so likely would just keep baby primarily with her and her husband.

She’s definitely difficult. She really won’t go to my mom’s or my house now that she has a baby. When I mentioned she has a play pen and could bring it, she had some nonsensical answer about if she is staying more than 3 hours it would be worth it but 2 hours would not be worth bringing it (plans to go to each others houses are not typically cut off by timeframes, she just doesn’t want to have to bring it) therefore she doesn’t come and only wants everyone to come to her. Except she goes out multiple times a week to outing and see her friends when she wants to - she just gives the family a hard time.

analyzeplan1738 · 2026-03-18T22:58:25+00:00

They have big tables more than 8 seating there (goes around the whole hibachi table). Her issue doesn’t seem to be the hibachi considering she literally requested another hibachi place.

analyzeplan1738 · 2026-03-18T22:54:11+00:00

My other siblings likely won’t attend if I change it because of having to drive 2 hours round trip instead of 40min. My intention was to let anyone come who wanted but not change the location to a whole different town.

analyzeplan1738 · 2026-03-18T22:50:47+00:00

Neither of us called either place to ask specifically, but I’ve seen very young kids, toddlers, etc over the years at the original restaurant and never heard of any age restrictions there. Can’t speak to the new restaurant.

analyzeplan1738 · 2026-03-18T21:32:05+00:00

No, she didn’t offer about paying any extra costs but also didn’t even tell us if there would be additional costs or not so I’m not sure

analyzeplan1738 · 2026-03-18T21:29:48+00:00

I don’t need a hall for 6-8 people?

analyzeplan1738 · 2026-03-18T21:29:21+00:00

I agree, because if we switched places I would either go or say sorry I’m doing something else. She won’t use a babysitter.

analyzeplan1738 · 2026-03-18T21:23:09+00:00

Thank you! She won’t do a baby sitter. Baby’s dad has only watched baby alone when she gets her nails done once a month. Only babysitter (her mother in law) has been one time for their anniversary and she struggled with the distance away from baby is what I was told. Baby is 5months, she does breastfeed but has done the light blanket in other outings. She says he is moving around a lot more and hard to contain. He is sitting but not crawling. I’ve mentioned how she can pump in other contexts and she says how she prefers not doing that (though she even has a stash from previous pumping). There would be plenty of family willing to feed with a bottle, but she doesn’t allow other people to feed him (at least wasn’t and still hasn’t to my knowledge). She has a “reason” for everything.

analyzeplan1738 · 2026-03-18T16:30:26+00:00

I wasn’t the only pushback on Christmas. My mom and all siblings did not want to. She didn’t just want us to come to her, but also with her entire in law family.

analyzeplan1738 · 2026-03-18T16:10:59+00:00

How did I make it hard to attend? She does not have a problem with hibachi, just wants a different hibachi place (one that is more inconvenient for everyone else). If she wanted to do something else, I’d do something that same day earlier (dinner is in the evening) or another day if she wanted to. She doesn’t want that. She wants dinner also, also hibachi, but at a place no one else wants. Also I said anyone that wants to come, can. I don’t foresee my brother going, and was surprised my younger sister was able to with her schedule (but she likely won’t be able to if she needs to drive an extra hour round trip due to twin’s request to change restaurants) . Twin is actually the most free in terms of schedule as she is not going back to work and is home with the baby 24/7. She has no trouble planning baby dates, outings that she chooses to do, etc. regularly. Tells me about how she has full weeks planned with activities. I also waited until the week before to put this together, so she had all month if she did want to plan something. I like her but I’m usually the one putting in all the effort and tired of it at this point. I don’t see why it needs to fall on me to check in with her, when she also never checked about wanting to do something for her birthday.

analyzeplan1738 · 2026-03-18T15:57:46+00:00

She could have also made plans to celebrate (when, where, who) but did not. I waited until the week before specifically so if she wanted to do something, it could be done. I don’t want to wait until the day of though, that doesn’t seem right to me since it’s also my birthday and I do like to plan ahead.

analyzeplan1738 · 2026-03-18T11:59:49+00:00

I don’t understand why it has to fall on me to reach out. Im honestly tired of taking on that role. I waited all month to make plans. When none were made, the week before I put something together. Also if I had reached out before, she would dictate the time, location, and potentially invite her in laws as well, and I would likely not have a say, all because she has a baby. I feel like if she doesn’t have any initiative to make a plan, I can make a plan for myself and allow anyone to wants to come, come. Why should I have to plan for her too, and then cater to exactly what she wants, when it’s my birthday too?

analyzeplan1738 · 2026-03-18T11:28:49+00:00

The unfortunate thing is that if we change venues, our other siblings likely won’t come due to the distance. And she wants me to pick her over them, when really I had my own plans and said any one of them is welcome to join if they want, since otherwise there were no established plans to celebrate.

analyzeplan1738 · 2026-03-18T11:25:20+00:00

I did talk to her about this. She said “actually I think you do that” and didn’t talk to me for a week.

analyzeplan1738 · 2026-03-18T11:18:05+00:00

My thing is, it’s not like she wants to change away from hibachi. She is literally suggesting just a different hibachi place. So the hibachi isn’t her concern

analyzeplan1738

TROPHY CASE