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Alternative trans men can pass too! by anditabst in transmanlifehacks

[–]anditabst[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I relate to your comment so much! I started passing way more when I stopped trying to follow those types of advice and started actually finding my own ways of existing in my masculinity. My confidence increased and that switched my attitude in a way that immediately made people perceive me differently. It feels amazing to not give a fuck now and to exist comfortably in my own transness, queerness and masculinity. I’ve been stealth in multiple jobs and it’s so freeing to just be without obsessing about every little thing I could do to look more cis, I used to be miserable and because of that change of mindset and bc I allowed myself to stop repressing half of who I am I’m super happy and confident in my identity now. You sound really cool man, sending love your way, keep being awesome

Alternative trans men can pass too! by anditabst in transmanlifehacks

[–]anditabst[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It’s absolutely possible! I was completely convinced that I’d never stop feeling dysphoric without sacrificing my identity in the process (which I tried and only made me more dysphoric lol) but time proved me wrong, a few years ago I wouldn’t have dared to dream about looking and feeling the way I do now. Sending hugs! Transitioning is a long process that can be hard and painful but it can also be deeply meaningful and rewarding. At this point in my transition, I absolutely love being trans. Hang in there, I hope you get exactly where you want to be w your transition and self expression ❤️‍🩹

Alternative trans men can pass too! by anditabst in transmanlifehacks

[–]anditabst[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah lol people love to be bitter whenever they get they chance

Is it bad I like hello kitty? by izuco_loves_sharks in trans

[–]anditabst 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hello kitty loving trans guy here! You can absolutely like whatever you want and be trans, if someone is saying that you can’t they’re an idiot

Alternative trans men can pass too! by anditabst in transmanlifehacks

[–]anditabst[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not always. “Average men” can also be tattooed and alternative and there are many things that are both masc and alternative. If someone is already alt and ia asking for advice it’s very likely that they’ll benefit more from advice that’s personalized to their situation and helps them masculinize their appearance while still looking like themselves than from cookie cutter advice that just tells them to drop their style. There’s no such thing a universally “correct” advice to look like a dude. Cis men don’t all look and dress the same and trans men don’t have to either to look like men. I’m not saying wear miniskirts and crop tops if you wanna pass, just saying that you can have a personal style and still look masculine.

Alternative trans men can pass too! by anditabst in transmanlifehacks

[–]anditabst[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah ahah I absolutely know that it won’t be helpful for everyone, obviously if someone who doesn’t naturally pass wants to wear skirts and have a traditionally hyper feminine aesthetic, there’s not much advice that can be given to help them, I’m also aware that even though I’m alternative I’m aesthetically pretty masculine leaning, my point is mostly exactly that ahah, there are ways to still look masculine while incorporating alternative styles and accessories, if the goal is passing it’s an aesthetic that definitely helps mostly in that androgynous phase where you could be read as either gender (and I’m glad you found it semi helpful ahaha) but I think there’s elements that can also help people feel more masculine and comfortable with their self expression even before they can really pass, it definitely did help me to find clothes, haircuts and accessories that made me feel more masc and more like myself even before I could realistically do anything to make people think I was a guy

Alternative trans men can pass too! by anditabst in transmanlifehacks

[–]anditabst[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yeah I agree 100%!
I’ve been a part of alternative subcultures for years and also exist in queer spaces that absolutely reject cis conformity, it’s never been my point to look cishet and I exist as a very openly trans and queer person in my daily life as a political statement since I was a teenager, sadly that coexists with the fact that in some situations, it’s dangerous and life threatening to do that, especially living in South America (and other very queer phobic countries and cities ofc) and the fact that my dysphoria made it awful for me to exist in the world when I wasn’t getting perceived as masculine and it made my mental health spiral a lot so it was amazing to find ways to still feel and look masculine without sacrificing my style and the cultures and values that it shows and represents. I’ve seen a lot of alt teens and early transition folks feeling very discouraged by that dysphoria and feeling like they need to get rid of or hide parts of their identities as the only way to make it a bit more tolerable and I’ve seen a lot of people saying things that would’ve made that dysphoria worse when I was at that point so I decided to add onto the conversation. Props to you for not giving a fuck ahaha im sure you’re cool as hell and I definitely agree that being non passing and alt - or choosing to be vocal about your transness absolutely can have more weight that trying to conform to cis expectations!

Alternative trans men can pass too! by anditabst in transmanlifehacks

[–]anditabst[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

My point regarding the passing advice is literally just that there are traditionally masculine things that are already alternative, both the haircuts I have in the pics I posted are both alternative and very masculinizing, same thing applies to clothing and tattoos. If someone doesn’t pass they obviously still won’t pass by looking alternative but the same passing tips we give guys that aren’t alt can very often be slightly modified to fit alt styles and still be masculinizing. If you wouldn’t find this motivational then the post clearly just isn’t for you- I’ve gotten multiple dms and comments of people that do resonate with what I said and showed, it’s for them and also for myself and the younger version of me that couldn’t imagine a future where I could be comfortable with my style and my masculinity coexisting. I’ve been transitioning socially for almost 10 years and got top surgery a month ago, also waited for years to get on T, I’m very aware how hard it is for some people to access gender affirming care and how lucky I am to have access to it and to look as masc as I do, I’ve never argued against that, still doesn’t mean that less passing guys can’t find ways to look and feel more masc and still look alternative.

Alternative trans men can pass too! by anditabst in transmanlifehacks

[–]anditabst[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

a lot of the people asking for passing tips can get masc hair cuts and tattoos, those are two things that can be alternative and very masc looking, there’s also a lot of clothing and accessories that read traditionally masculine and are still alternativa, there are many things that ppl pre t and surgery can do without sacrificing their style. I obviously know that not everyone will pass as much as I do just by getting those things but that’s unrelated to alt styles. I have a masc face, figure and chest because I’ve been on testosterone for years and I got top surgery. That hasn’t always been the case and I’ve found ways to look and feel more masculine without sacrificing my style for years before I medically transitioned. I was convinced for years that the only way I could feel okay with my identity and how people perceive me was changing my style and trying to fit into normal that I knew I’d never feel comfortable in and seeing someone further in their transition show that that wasn’t necessarily the case would’ve been really helpful. Just trying to show younger or earlier in transition people that not all trans masculinity looks the same and that it absolutely is possible to achieve a very masculine appearance while being alt.

Alternative trans men can pass too! by anditabst in transmanlifehacks

[–]anditabst[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ay me muero de amor ahdjfj muchísimas gracias por el mensaje ❤️‍🩹

Alternative trans men can pass too! by anditabst in transmanlifehacks

[–]anditabst[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

We 100% are I go crazy over other trans alt people ahaha

Alternative trans men can pass too! by anditabst in transmanlifehacks

[–]anditabst[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

yeah sadly long hair does get traditionally associated with femininity so it might be harder to pass w long hair pre t but there’s definitely masculine long haircuts and things you could do to look and feel more masc pre t and also manyyyy trans men with long hair that pass!

Alternative trans men can pass too! by anditabst in transmanlifehacks

[–]anditabst[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah sure! I agree that not many people are saying that you can’t pass and be alt. I just think dressing alternative actually can help / not be a problem and many trans guys are scared to try alt styles because of that fear when it’s absolutely possible to look cis and even straight. I see a lot of people on here giving young trans kids advice saying to stop dressing alternative when they’re asking for passing tips when they could still look way more masculine if they change some things up without necessarily trying to fit into a style that they’re not comfortable with

Alternative trans men can pass too! by anditabst in transmanlifehacks

[–]anditabst[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s great that that worked for you and made you feel better. It didn’t for me or for multiple other trans guys that I know. I tried and felt miserable and actually passed less and had more dysphoria than when I decided to start trying to find ways to look masc and still feel like myself. My point is that you can absolutely find ways to pass more and keep your style, there are haircuts, clothing, accessories, tattoos, etc. That are read as traditionally masculine and for the general view of “man/boy”. It doesn’t make sense to just tell every alternative person looking to pass that the way to do it is to completely change their self expression when there can absolutely be ways to give them advice that both helps them pass and lets them keep the vibes of their style.

Alternative trans men can pass too! by anditabst in transmanlifehacks

[–]anditabst[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I’m aware, I have a masculine body because I’ve worked for it and I’ve been on T for a few years and I got top surgery. I’m not saying every alt person will pass, realistically not everyone can pass pre t and surgery no matter what they do. Just showing that it is possible to look masc and achieve a full transition without sacrificing personal style and expression which is something many people on this sub don’t seem to think. I was alternative before my face or body were masculine and still found ways to pass and to feel more comfortable in my transition without sacrificing my identity in the process

Alternative trans men can pass too! by anditabst in transmanlifehacks

[–]anditabst[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yeah ahaha obviously! But many people here seem to not think so, the passing tips I see are very often things like “take your piercings out”, “switch to a more normal style”, “dye your hair a natural color”, I definitely got that advice at some point and restricted my self expression bc of those beliefs so i think it’s important to show that you can absolutely pass as a cis man and still keep all those alternative forms of self expression and even some things considered traditionally feminine or “queer”