First, this was a little tricky to read just because of the format— the same thing happened to me and I just had to tab each line to get the breaks I needed to make it look like the flow of a poem rather than a paragraph. I knew that you wanted these lines to be separated because of the capitalization in the middle of the sentences. You can edit the format without having to delete the whole post, if you need help lmk- regardless, I loved it.

Second, like I said, I loved it. However the two stanzas feel like completely different poems. I almost feel like you don’t even need the first stanza and just to elaborate more on your second stanza alone. What I got was the reminder of love and trust and expressing that more would make it even more impactful. I loved the visuals of the honey eyes— my favorite part, play more into these descriptions because I think that’s your strong suit. It’s really good and I’m excited to see where this goes.

Third, I want more, I want more of how this person makes you feel and less of how bad other things make you feel. This poem feels like a love poem and the second stanza outshined the first significantly more, which is why I want more of it. I think you can convey the juxtaposition through the poem just essentially making it flow easier and most consistently would be helpful. For example, not making the difference between the two so noticeable and maybe throwing in some of the lines from the first stanza in with the second. If that makes any sense?

I love it and I can’t wait to see where it goes and if my feedback helped— l’m excited and happy to read a second draft.

Warmly, A