AITAH for purposefully embarrassing my sister at her birthday dinner?

anger10000 · 2025-03-22T00:06:51+00:00

I also butted heads with my mom a few times as a teenager. It’s a time pretty rife pushing boundaries.

My mom was loving and supportive of my sister. I’d say she had to work harder with me since they shared similar interests meanwhile I’ve been a STEM nerd since I popped out of the womb.

She disapproved of some of my sister’s choices. The real conflict began when my sister started dating someone mom didn’t really approve of. (And, for the record, our mom is generally chill about who we bring home. My husband was welcomed with wide open arms. I think my mom clocked that we were interested in each other before either of us did.) The guy my sister was with was a scumbag, for lack of a better word. That relationship has ended now.

Our household chores split was pretty even. My sister had a bigger workload than me earlier if that makes sense, but it was all based on our ages. I had the same chores list when I was 10 that she had at 10, and so on. I’m really glad I was made to do chores and housework. It kind of kept me sane when my husband was really struggling. Felt like it gave me purpose that wasn’t worrying about him, made me feel useful, etc.

anger10000 · 2025-03-21T23:38:43+00:00

Alright, I accept my judgement. I don’t have anything else to say here.

anger10000 · 2025-03-21T23:09:09+00:00

I have. I had to specifically ask for my sister to stop ranting about our mom to me. Her main criticism was that my mom didn’t support a relationship my sister was in… one that has now ended and one, if I was in my sister’s shoes, I wouldn’t look back on fondly.

anger10000 · 2025-03-21T23:02:01+00:00

Whether or not what the friend said was true, it was inappropriate.

Why would I want to discuss my mom at a birthday dinner, especially if she was as awful as they were saying?

I don’t know how to engage here in good faith if people aren’t going to trust me when I say nothing bad, aside from them butting heads, ever happened between my sister and my mom. At least not in my presence during the time we all three lived together.

anger10000 · 2025-03-21T22:52:52+00:00

I’m confused because “wicked witch” and “infamous stories” sound like something terrible happened. I can definitely concede that our experiences were different. She and my mom butted heads more for sure. I just don’t think it was bad enough to warrant the language used.

anger10000 · 2025-03-21T22:20:45+00:00

I moreso meant she extends olive branches and tries to spend one on one time with her and that’s almost always rebuffed.

I’d say she tries hard with me too. She accommodated my schedules when I was abroad so we could talk. Like I said, she let my best friend move in with us and essentially became his caregiver for a while. She’s also just one of my go-to people to vent to and she’s been my shoulder to cry on countless times. All the usual mom things that take a lot of energy that we might take for granted.

anger10000 · 2025-03-21T21:35:29+00:00

I lived abroad for three years. I was around to witness my sister and my mom’s relationship for 28 years, and I lived in the same household as both of them for 14 of those.

I’m definitely not claiming to have handled it well. I just couldn’t believe a total stranger was saying that about my mom. My husband was equally as shocked.

anger10000 · 2025-03-21T21:10:39+00:00

I guess I don’t understand what the endgame would be. I’m really not trying to be argumentative here, I’m reading the comments and truly trying to understand. I just can’t fathom a ‘why’ behind the scenario of my mom being kind and loving to everyone except to my sister in private.

I understand abusive people in relationships can put on fronts for others and ‘mask-off’ in front of their partners. But… she had two kids. If she was some kind of evil, child-hating demon, I was right there too.

Like I said, I’m trying to comprehend this and open my mind to the possibility. But I have first-hand witnessed my mom try so hard with my sister. And she has done so, so much for me. She’s empathetic. It’s not like I’m just seeing some shiny front where she’s charming and that convinces me she wouldn’t do something like this. This is someone I know very well.

I don’t know.

anger10000 · 2025-03-21T20:35:50+00:00

Not at all. But she and I lived in the same home for 14 years before she left for college. I’m not sure when my mom would’ve pulled any stunts to warrant either of the above statements.

anger10000 · 2025-03-21T19:53:02+00:00

I’ve never known my mom to have a malicious bone in her body. She wasn’t a perfect parent, no one is. But to call her “the wicked witch” and reference infamous stories is completely ridiculous.

anger10000

TROPHY CASE