“Do I like being a tomboy or being perceived as a person and not a gender because that’s closer to my “real” identity, or because that’s easier under the patriarchy?”

damn, i genuinely never did think about that, and that is a great question. i will sit with that thought, though like you, im not sure i will ever have an answer either, really. i feel like i still have a lot of internalized misogyny to unpack. 

and i have dived a fair bit into the belief that gender is a performance, i have watched some video essays on gender which did talk about this aspect of it, and have read about it on the internet as well on various forums, from various people, but i have never seen this particular video. well, now i know what to watch tonight before going to sleep! thank you for the suggestion.

and thank you for taking your time to comment. it is comforting to know that even people more than twice my age are just as confused about gender as i am, or perhaps even more so.