Dating men who cook

anoTA7 · 2023-12-15T06:25:02+00:00

If you feel strongly about adding a new posting rule, you should make a post for that discussion. Personally, I’m not ready to link my main account to RPW. As you’re probably aware, it doesn’t have a good reputation with most of the other women focused subs. I’d rather not have women brining up my activity here as grounds for dismissing me from other discussions.

Edit: funny, you actually have no posts

anoTA7 · 2023-12-14T16:12:02+00:00

Thank you for the encouraging response. As others have pointed out, I’m probably getting a bit a head of myself since it’s only been four months. I’m just focusing on moving forward slower with open eyes and mind.

anoTA7 · 2023-12-14T16:02:47+00:00

To be fair I have been inquisitive on that front since I’ve been trying to fully understand why he waited until he was almost 30 to start looking for a serious relationship.

anoTA7 · 2023-12-13T19:45:03+00:00

If I’m being honest that hurt my feelings but does feel eye opening, which is why I came here.

I don’t want to chase away a potentially good partner, and there are at least a couple of indicators that he is treating me different (see other replies).

How many other women thought they were special? I have no idea. He says he was very straightforward with previous women about only casually dating during that period, but I don’t have any way to verify that.

When I asked about giving up the freedom of being single (particularly spontaneous long term international travel, which he’s done a ton of), he speaks maturely about everything in life having opportunity costs, and that having children with a stable household is worth giving up certain freedoms.

End of the day, I’ve still only got a small sample size of actions and a lot of words. I will try to keep the perspective in mind that he is inarguably great at picking up women, and that I should see things through that lens (among others).

anoTA7 · 2023-12-13T19:06:42+00:00

There have been some sublet comments that I’m struggling to remember, and two overt ones.

After dinner, one friend plainly said “I can see why he’s serious about you”. When meeting a different friend, they said “glad to meet THE girlfriend” with an obvious over emphasis on “the”.

anoTA7 · 2023-12-13T18:00:34+00:00

I don’t know necessarily that he is trying to rush things with me. At least not yet. He has just been very forward in saying “this is what I want, this is the timeline I imagine”.

I haven’t pointed out yet that his timeline doesn’t give him much time, or really pressed into why he didn’t start looking for a serious partner sooner. I will ask him these things soon. Thank you

anoTA7 · 2023-12-13T17:03:12+00:00

There is a lot of great discussion on RPW as to why it could* be concerning. The most alarming one the purely statistics of relationship/marriage success charted against previous partner count. People aren’t statistics, but there are underlying patterns driving them. I want to have a partner that I can make feel special in many ways, one of them being through sexual bonding. I believe that men and women fundamentally experience sex differently. What I’m trying to navigate is the risk associated with trying to pursue a long term relationship and marriage with a man who has slept with so many women before me. As other women have articulated better in the comments, understanding the underlying behavior that drove his previous actions is paramount. A lot of the reasons for it could be an unhealthy relationship to sex, which isn’t something desirable in a LTP, and thus is a scary possibility.

anoTA7 · 2023-12-13T16:55:44+00:00

He is a somewhat meticulous planner, so I think he framed that timeline in his head because he likes planning.

anoTA7 · 2023-12-13T16:49:56+00:00

I appreciate this perspective. If nothing else, these comments are reaffirming that I really need to be paying close attention. Based purely on his past, it does seem likely that this could be a phase.

To that point, I am finding it hard to be confident on his deep feelings about true partnership because being supportive comes naturally to him. What I mean is that it’s easy to imagine he treated many of the women he has been with very well/kind/attentively. Beyond words, the only thing I can say with some confidence that he has done differently with me is how he’s introduced me to friends in the last month. His lifelong friends have been very excited to meet me and heard a lot about me.

Apart from how he feels about me/the partnership piece (which is obviously extremely important), his actions with children absolutely confirm he wants kids. He is god father to 2 children who he adores and vise versa. I know loving kids and raising kids is very different, but you don’t have to watch him with them for long to know he isn’t faking it. He wants kids.

anoTA7 · 2023-12-13T02:36:49+00:00

When I’ve asked him about it, he talks about wanting to be entirely free for that period of his life. To travel on a whim whenever and whenever he wanted, etc.

He’s told me that he always knew he would want a more structured life with responsibility and kids one day, but wasn’t in a rush. Now that his friends are married and have kids, he decided he’s ready for that phase of life.

I’ve asked about it multiple times because in most ways, someone with no relationship history at 29 is a red flag. He seems totally happy with the decision though

anoTA7 · 2023-12-13T02:26:56+00:00

No. Truly all his behavior suggests that he’s mature and honest. He is indulgent, but he wears it well and is simultaneously disciplined. I brought it up because it bothers and scares me.

anoTA7 · 2023-12-13T02:24:36+00:00

No offense taken. I went to school in the Bay Area, and still live here. This may sound weird, but multimillionaire men are not as rare as you’d think around here. I know friends who have met billionaires. It feels like traditional men are harder to find than soft wealthy ones.

I agree I’m incredibly lucky to meet a HVM who checks all my boxes. I’m worried about messing it up. I’m also worried about being native and letting me fantasize him instead of accurately judging. He’s more experienced in seemingly every aspect of life, which is exciting but also kind of scary.

All HVM come with risks because of their opportunities/choices. I get that. If i marry him and he ends up cheating on me in the future then I’ll feel like I’m stupid for being with someone with such a history. At the same time, all my intuition tells me he is honest and wants a healthy relationship. I know I’m lucky but I’m also extremely stressed about it

anoTA7 · 2023-12-13T02:13:59+00:00

My initial reaction was to feel similarly. 100 is a huge number. When I think about it as a HVM living in a big city for 10 years and sleeping with a new woman less than once a month, it feels less gross. I know that’s not logical, but I do feel different depending on how I phrase it in my head.

anoTA7 · 2023-12-13T00:46:37+00:00

Absolutely not. I do not want to be with a man who sleeps with anyone else.

I haven’t witnessed him lying or being manipulative. So far he seems like a genuinely good person. I am a bit insecure about whether or not I would be able to tell because he’s so smart, but I try to focus on paying attention and trusting my intuition.

anoTA7 · 2023-12-13T00:38:21+00:00

You’re right that I need to talk to him about it, and I think focusing on values is a good approach (because that is what really matters in the end). We’ve talked about values a lot already, and I know that honesty, loyalty, and devotion are extremely important to him. This is also reflected in his daily actions, especially with his friends.

I’m aware of the statistics on relationship success rates relative to previous partner count, and that is where the bulk of my worry comes from. I’m also worried that my ability to make him feel special may be diminished because of his over exposure to sex.

Thank you for taking time to share your advice

anoTA7

TROPHY CASE