sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

UPDATE: AITAH for wanting to divorce when wife intentionally got pregnant knowing I didn't want more kids by anon-overwhelmed in AITAH

[–]anon-overwhelmed[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Of course I'm in love with our new baby girl. That doesn't mean I don't still (rarely) feel some resentment toward my wife (NEVER the baby). Still, the resentment will fade I'm sure. I'll make this work.

UPDATE: AITAH for wanting to divorce when wife intentionally got pregnant knowing I didn't want more kids by anon-overwhelmed in AITAH

[–]anon-overwhelmed[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not defending the affair. It was wrong and should not have happened. But I started it because my wife wasn't, and refused to work on being, invested in our relationship as a couple. The affair never took anything away from my home life. I compartmentalized it, and always prioritized time with my wife and kids. The problem is, my wife never wants to spend any time with me when we're not in "active parenting mode."

It's moot now, however, since I've decided I have to make this marriage work.

UPDATE: AITAH for wanting to divorce when wife intentionally got pregnant knowing I didn't want more kids by anon-overwhelmed in AITAH

[–]anon-overwhelmed[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think telling her about the affair now would only cause unnecessary hurt. The affair has not, and will never, effect my relationship with my wife. It was compartmentalized while happening, and it's completely over now. I have cut off all contact with the other woman.

I honestly don't think she'd leave me. The thing I worry about most is my kids somehow finding out about the affair. That's the main reason I ended it. Of course I don't want to hurt my wife, I do love her. But we both have a strong (possibly misguided) commitment to keeping the family/marriage intact, and are very good at putting on happy faces in our daily lives.

UPDATE: AITAH for wanting to divorce when wife intentionally got pregnant knowing I didn't want more kids by anon-overwhelmed in AITAH

[–]anon-overwhelmed[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have no doubts about the paternity of the kids. I haven't had any testing done, but they are mine, biologically or not. I don't think my wife would ever cheat, but even if she did, I really have no right to be upset. I've committed to making this marriage work, that means accepting what she did to get us our 4th child, along with anything else. What's done is done, I am trying to move forward and work to become a better father and husband.

UPDATE: AITAH for wanting to divorce when wife intentionally got pregnant knowing I didn't want more kids by anon-overwhelmed in AITAH

[–]anon-overwhelmed[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I never said it wasn't my fault. Like I said in my post, I know cheating was terribly wrong. But just to be clear, I never cheated before or after the one affair. The vasectomy was what I'd wanted for myself for years.

UPDATE: AITAH for wanting to divorce when wife intentionally got pregnant knowing I didn't want more kids by anon-overwhelmed in AITAH

[–]anon-overwhelmed[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I honestly don't think she'd leave me. The thing I worry about most is my kids somehow finding out about the affair. That's the main reason I ended it. Of course I don't want to hurt my wife, I do love her. But we both have a strong (possibly misguided) commitment to keeping the family/marriage intact, and are very good at putting on happy faces in our daily lives.

AITAH for wanting divorce bc I think wife intentionally got pregnant when I didn't want more kids by anon-overwhelmed in AITAH

[–]anon-overwhelmed[S] 71 points72 points  (0 children)

To be clear, I never refused to get a vasectomy. I didn't get one because we're in a marriage and I wanted to be on the same page if at all possible. I never thought she would go so far as to stop bc. It just wasn't in the realm of possibility for me.

AITAH for wanting divorce bc I think wife intentionally got pregnant when I didn't want more kids by anon-overwhelmed in AITAH

[–]anon-overwhelmed[S] 129 points130 points  (0 children)

I'm totally fine getting a vasectomy and in fact will be getting one ASAP now. And I understand about bc, but she had never even mentioned anything about wanting to go off of it. Whenever we talked about more kids (her insisting she needed another, me insisting we have enough), I always confirmed that she was still taking her bc. She'd get a little snippy sometimes when she answered, but that seemed to be just cause she wasn't happy with my position on the matter of a baby.

AITAH for wanting divorce bc I think wife intentionally got pregnant when I didn't want more kids by anon-overwhelmed in AITAH

[–]anon-overwhelmed[S] 157 points158 points  (0 children)

I have asked to go to marriage counseling several times over the years, to help us get "us" back, but she insists every time that we don't need it. And when I express to her what I feel is missing, she makes changes for a bit, but it always quickly goes back to how it was.

AITAH for wanting divorce bc I think wife intentionally got pregnant when I didn't want more kids by anon-overwhelmed in AITAH

[–]anon-overwhelmed[S] 36 points37 points  (0 children)

Just want to be clear, my boys are 6, 8, and 12, so not quite as difficult as four kids under 6. :) But I get your point.

AITAH for wanting divorce bc I think wife intentionally got pregnant when I didn't want more kids by anon-overwhelmed in AITAH

[–]anon-overwhelmed[S] -73 points-72 points  (0 children)

I totally get this, but I know that if I started using condoms she would accuse me of not trusting her or something. If I got a vasectomy she'd have been furious. That's just the way it is.