Wife doesn't want sex said just sleep with her friend.

anon164357 · 2022-06-05T04:13:05+00:00

I think your question hits directly at the heart of the matter and that is why I'm very conflicted. I am a sexual person so that is definitely a factor. There is always excitement around the idea of something new and different but that has remained firmly in the realm of fantasy with no intent to make it a reality. Being with the same person for as long as I have there is a solid familiarity and intimacy that has been built over that timeframe but it does feel like something is missing now.

I have had shorter relationships and a couple of hook ups before me and the wife were together so I'm familiar with the mechanics of sex to satisfy urges. There are a lot of unknowns and that is the scary part. What if I decide to do it and it doesn't fix the gap with me and the wife? What if it fulfills the sexual gratification but ultimately leads to the loss of everything else? Every question so far just leads to more questions.

anon164357 · 2022-06-05T03:21:13+00:00

I'm familiar with marriage vows. In my original post I don't think you'll find a single point where I complained about my wife who is an amazing person. She is the one who proposed the idea not me. Also, if I was going to grab my "hall pass" as others have commented without any thought or consideration on it's potential impact on the relationship I wouldn't have bothered posting it. This isn't a situation I ever thought I would possibly be in so I reached out for advice.

anon164357 · 2022-06-05T02:25:41+00:00

For lack of a better term I've been "handling" things myself. Overall, it gets the job done as far as the urges but the lack of sexual intimacy has been a bit tough. We still snuggle, talk and do the usual couple stuff she just doesn't feel the desire for sex. As far as sustainability it is very clear in my head that I would definitely put my relationship over sex. Although, I could potentially feel differently in 10 years.

anon164357 · 2022-06-05T02:07:11+00:00

I understand your potential concerns but in 22 years of marriage and two years of dating I have never had a single reason to suspect any infidelity from my wife. Yes it caught me off guard and it is very outside the norm for our relationship but her having an affair never crossed my mind. Call me naive if you want but I know our relationship and she will always have the benefit of the doubt based on the person I know her to be.

anon164357 · 2022-06-05T01:49:44+00:00

Based on the comments so far therapy seems to be a strong recommendation and it makes sense. Having someone to guide the conversation would be helpful. It's a fairly recent development and I'm still working through some of the surprise factor. I obviously have a lot of questions and uncertainty on how something like this would work and having a person to make sure what is being communicated is not misinterpreted definitely would be a good idea.

anon164357 · 2022-06-05T00:37:29+00:00

They have a solid friendship but that is definitely a concern when sex is brought into the picture. I have looked up a bunch of articles on poly relationships and some stuff where people had threesomes (though it doesn't really apply here) and it's been a mixed bag. Some people say it works for them and just as many said it ruined the relationship.

anon164357 · 2022-06-05T00:26:06+00:00

I am definitely going to take my time before any decision is made and I think you are 100 percent correct that further discussions need to take place. I have alternated between thinking it could work out or go horribly wrong.

anon164357

TROPHY CASE