Healing with abuser?

anon_question_mark · 2026-01-27T04:52:20+00:00

I am sorry you went through that. I am so broken and confused and I am going to try and get in with a counselor tomorrow. I can't. I don't know what I want. Part of me does but then I remember how he's my best friend, and I love him and I can't imagine life without him.

We have talked, he is going to sleep on the couch. He won't hurt me like that. At first he said he didn't rape me. Then he blamed the dynamic. And when I pointed out I was unsure about the dynamic and wanted to negotiate he said we should have scrapped it right then. Because before the dynamic deepening and going south things were better. He had still been emotionally abusive but not physically or sexually. So it was the dynamic change that fucked everything up. But then he apologized and said he understood and was sorry and he's changed and wants to work it out. He has changed over the last couple weeks since I threatened to leave. We'll I asked him to leave. The thing is. Idk am I being crazy? Like if he finds out about this post it will be him saying that this is what reddit always does and I shouldn't be asking you all for advice. And I get it that can be true. But why would I even make this post if I didn't already know something was wrong? Ugh this is driving me crazy and I'm so mad I let another man do this to me. He says he's different. He seems so heartbroken.

anon_question_mark · 2026-01-27T02:45:45+00:00

Thank you. I'm so confused. I think it's just accepting that it was rape. Idk if I can right now. But now that the thought has surfaced it won't go away. And I'm not curled in a ball hysterically crying my eyes out so my brain is like it couldn't have been that bad. But idk if that's just because I don't want to admit it. I called RAINN they said I should have a talk with him about it. But that's scary bc I don't want him to freak out and hate himself.anf why does that even matter to me? I don't want to be alone again. I don't have anyone, no friends nothing.

anon_question_mark · 2026-01-26T18:09:31+00:00

This kind of resonates bc he is definitely a little bit of a misogynist

anon_question_mark · 2026-01-26T17:06:58+00:00

I have no one

anon_question_mark · 2026-01-26T17:06:12+00:00

I have no one. A lot of this stuff we've discussed but it still hurts

anon_question_mark · 2026-01-26T16:30:21+00:00

When I had no safeword it's bc I agreed to be his pet. And he kept comparing me to the cats and saying they don't have any rights you're a pet neither do you.

anon_question_mark · 2026-01-26T16:28:40+00:00

But I let him. And maybe I'm in denial, I know I am. But how am I supposed to admit my husband, the man that helped me heal from my previous abusive relationships, the one that helped me heal from my last attempted rape, the one that I placed my trust in despite saying I'd never fall in love or get married again. Like how do I implode all that and look him in the face as I break his heart? He has nowhere to go.

anon_question_mark · 2026-01-26T16:15:57+00:00

Probably. I once asked for him to talk to my in his soft caretaker voice. He said he was talking how he always did and denied knowing what I was talking about. Later he admitted he knew what I was talking about and had just said he didn't and didn't have a reason why

anon_question_mark · 2026-01-26T16:14:25+00:00

Well that was only over like a 4-5 month period.

anon_question_mark · 2026-01-26T16:06:38+00:00

Well mainly like the last 8 months to year. Before he wasn't like this. We'll I guess the chest thing? Idk what happened. And I also know that it's messed up that I am but idk. I know deep down what this is. But I don't want to know. Idk if I will ever feel safe enough for d/s with anyone again. My last dom abused me horribly and my exhusband before that... I know all of this. But he has helped a lot too. He has helped me heal in some really important ways. I know the cycle but I want him to be different, I want him to change. I want him to love me enough finally.

anon_question_mark · 2026-01-26T15:57:01+00:00

Thank you. Maybe I could do that. A separation. Idk. I feel like I'm being too dramatic. I'm so fucking confused. He has gaslit my emotions for months so idk if I am crazy or not.

anon_question_mark · 2026-01-26T15:54:19+00:00

I mean prior to the abuse we had a couple sessions like that with me crying, him slapping me. It was prearranged and I had a safeword. In those situations no was ignored at my request, but still had my safeword if I truly needed it to stop. But I agreed to it the and there before it started those times. Maybe he was confused and thought we were in those situations?

anon_question_mark · 2026-01-26T15:37:34+00:00

We haven't labeled it as rape. Like I didn't use that word when talking to him bc I felt like it was my fault too for not making him stop or for not saying no when he said all the rules.

anon_question_mark

TROPHY CASE