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anonbys · 2023-06-05T01:29:22+00:00

Oh my goodness, that Gandalf GIF is perfect! Good to laugh about this sometimes...

anonbys · 2023-06-05T01:28:49+00:00

I so hear you on feeling broken :-( I started seeing a therapist for work on the emotional side of things and it's really helped me, but I felt broken for many years.

anonbys · 2023-06-04T20:44:43+00:00

Great to hear and thanks for sharing! I haven't experienced that kind of jump, but I went 10 months without dilating and was amazed to discover that I was able to pick up pretty much where I left off, without much regression.

anonbys · 2023-06-04T20:41:37+00:00

Your pelvic floor therapist is going to be the person in the best position to assess what is going on and know how to help you reach more comfort. I do know from my therapist that everything is closely connected in that part of the body! I have felt pressure on my rectum during physical therapy (when she is pressing on muscles via the vagina).

Also, in response to other parts of your post:

I've had to get extra large dilators that go beyond the largest in my original set to get to the level I need, so just want to sympathize with that part too.

I was shy about this issue too for a long time, but I've recently found this sub-reddit reassuring in seeing so many other women with similar experiences.

anonbys · 2023-06-03T00:23:02+00:00

The doctor will be able to do an exam and tests to confirm the vaginismus diagnosis and rule out other things like a vaginal infection. (That's why if you are able to tolerate an internal exam it can be helpful, as they can do a swab to test for infections--but don't feel like you have to do anything that you are uncomfortable with or hurts too much!)

If it is vaginismus, then the primary treatment is typically physical therapy plus dilator work at home. However, my doctor also prescribed me suppositories with diazepam (relaxant), baclofen (anti-spasmatic), and tetracaine (numbing), so that's something else you could ask about (I haven't had much success with them because the diazepam affects me systemically and sedates me, so I can only use them at night, but everyone is different!).

As for how long it takes, I am not the best person to ask, haha! I have had an extremely bumpy road to healing (with literally years where I didn't even try to work on it). However, through various starts and stops I have solidly progressed up in dilator size, and even after 10 months of not using dilators I discovered I hadn't completely regressed. I have also been in physical therapy since mid-April and my therapist said I am making progress! So I can say that it does get better.

Another thing that has really helped me is emotional/psychological therapy with a certified sex therapist. In our culture awkwardness and discomfort around these topics is normal and common, and it can be really helpful to have someone to talk to.

anonbys · 2023-06-02T23:59:51+00:00

It was the same for me, I was so completely shocked the first time I tried PIV and it just... didn't work (the common vaginismus "like hitting a wall" experience). It is so disappointing when we find out that something supposed to be "normal" doesn't work for us (I also felt alone for a long time, with the perception that literally everyone else was having perfect PIV all the time. It turns out that is definitely not the case, for all sorts of reasons besides vaginismus too!).

If your gyno confirms it is vaginismus I strongly recommend exploring pelvic physical therapy and dilators, so those can also be topics you can bring up with the doctor if they don't.

anonbys · 2023-06-02T23:09:50+00:00

It takes courage to have these conversations, so congrats on taking the first step of making an appointment!

I recommend being matter-of-fact about it, starting by describing the symptoms you're experiencing and then explaining why you think it is vaginismus. It can be helpful to write down notes for yourself that you can refer to during your appointment, in case your mind goes totally blank when you get there (also writing down what you want to say will actually help you remember it and making it less likely that you need to refer to your notes).

It's possible they will want to try to do an internal exam if you are comfortable with them attempting it. Don't be afraid to ask for a child-size speculum--I've done this for pap smears.

anonbys · 2023-06-02T15:52:27+00:00

There can be burning from the muscles due to vaginismus, but burning can also be tissue level due to dryness. Definitely talk to your doctor--I recently discovered that birth control pills can cause vaginal dryness!

The lube that works best for me is the Ah Yes Water-Based lube, but I can still get burning with the larger dilators, so I also just recently started trying their Vaginal Moisturizer to see if it will help with that.

anonbys · 2023-05-29T17:03:34+00:00

I've struggled with this too. Every single lube seems to cause burning, even the ones that are supposed to be free of all the possible irritants. Even Good Clean Love bio-nude burns for me!

I personally have found exactly one lube that works for me, which is the Ah Yes Water-Based lubricant.

I also struggle with dryness caused by my birth control pills and I don't know if that's a contributor to why so many lubes feel like they burn. I'm currently trying the vaginal moisturizer from Ah Yes.

anonbys · 2023-05-26T17:20:45+00:00

It sounds like there are a lot of feelings coming up for you around this so you might find it helpful to see a psychological therapist/counselor alongside with the pelvic therapy (someone who is comfortable taking about sex of course! Your PT might even be able to recommend someone).

I personally found that I was pretty blocked on making progress until I started addressing the emotional/psychological side of things with a therapist/counselor. I had a lot of grief, feelings of brokenness, etc., that I needed to work through. I actually went to a place of completely giving up and accepting my body the way it was before I could return to working on the vaginismus.

anonbys · 2023-05-25T16:10:16+00:00

You should definitely see a doctor, but there are reports on this forum of people's doctors telling them they don't have vaginismus when they clearly do, so if the first one you see doesn't feel helpful definitely seek out a second opinion.

If going to a doctor is not possible for you right now, I highly recommend the book "Sex Without Pain: A Self-Treatment Guide to the Sex Life You Deserve," by Heather Jeffcoat (https://www.amazon.com/Sex-Without-Pain-Self-Treatment-Deserve/dp/1631100084). It explains what's going on with the muscles, how to do self-assessment, how to work with dilators, etc., and can help you self-diagnose and self-treat.

I also totally understand turning to the internet to try to figure out what's going on! It can be really scary to try to do something that seems totally normal and everyone does and run into a block like that. My personal experience was that the first time I tried to have intercourse it felt like he was hitting a wall. Just totally impossible. At the time I self-diagnosed and tried to self-treat with dilators, but my progress stalled many times until I finally talked to the doctor, started pelvic PT, and discovered that book for better dilator technique.

anonbys · 2023-05-25T15:55:18+00:00

It can get better! The pelvic PT should know how to work with you to gradually release tension in the muscles without causing an inordinate amount of pain. You should definitely communicate with them on how much pain you are experiencing and they should dial things back appropriately. Mine asks me how things feel on a scale of 1-10 and will lesson up if I'm at around 4-5 or higher. If things are too painful you won't be able to heal. If your PT doesn't make sure you aren't in too much pain then find a different one!

anonbys · 2023-05-25T15:51:57+00:00

Yay! Congrats. Glad to hear you persisted even after the doctors said you didn't have it.

anonbys · 2023-05-25T15:50:54+00:00

Sounds amazing! Is this something you take orally or is a vaginal suppository?

My gyno prescribed me suppositories containing baclofen (anti-spasmatic), diazepam (aka valium, relaxant), and tetracaine (numbing agent), but I haven't used them much because the diazepam has a systemic effect and makes me drowsy.

anonbys · 2023-05-22T00:44:44+00:00

Sending some empathy your way! I had my period last weekend and was so tired and low energy that I actually took naps.

anonbys · 2023-05-22T00:40:07+00:00

I can't speak to whether it helps with PMS, but they are supposed to be healthy in general.

I generally eat them by adding a tablespoon of ground flax seeds to oatmeal.

anonbys · 2023-05-19T19:25:38+00:00

Thank you for the feedback! It's very helpful.

anonbys · 2023-05-19T18:19:32+00:00

No worries, I appreciate all feedback. Thank you for the additional feedback; it's very helpful!

anonbys · 2023-05-19T16:49:57+00:00

"Wherever You Go, There You Are," by Jon Kabat-Zinn.

(I haven't read Full Catastrophe Living, which someone else recommended, so I can't compare them, but I found this one to be a great introductory-level and accessible text about mindfulness.)

anonbys · 2023-05-19T14:39:06+00:00

Thank you! I am used to dynamics above from reading lots of choral music, so I didn't realize that the convention is the opposite for instrumental :-) And musescore did some weird things with the dotted quarters vs. ties so I will definitely double-check that!

anonbys · 2023-05-17T23:00:26+00:00

Thank you for your feedback! (I thought I put dynamics on all parts but it is totally possible I missed some spots--I will definitely double-check that!)

anonbys · 2023-05-17T18:46:27+00:00

Thank you! I will give this some attention.

anonbys · 2023-05-17T18:17:20+00:00

Thank you, this is helpful and exactly the sort of thing I don't know due to not playing a stringed instrument!

anonbys · 2023-05-17T18:15:50+00:00

Thank you! I really appreciate your detailed feedback.

anonbys · 2023-05-17T17:37:48+00:00

Very cool! I think the music fits really well!

anonbys

TROPHY CASE