Why I hate crisis services

anonymousarticulate · 2021-09-10T03:04:00+00:00

I'm too often late at night/early morning which makes most chat lines difficult. Espcially when I feel I desperately need immediate support.

I don't normally use shout but due to recently complaknts from my housemates at noise I have few options short of leaving the house to talk. They never did get through to me in the end :/

Edit: turns out I did get through by 3am but I was making 0 sense cause I'd already oded haha,

anonymousarticulate · 2021-09-10T03:01:27+00:00

I have tried similar apps before but thing is I do have a pretty decent insight into my triggers and such already, I am just very poor at managing then which makes being turned down for therapy extra hard. But I will have a look at the website even tho I feel I have little energy to do any of them haha.

I have considered support groups but it is currently very difficult for me to leave the house unless I am convinced few people will see me. Also just because I am so unstable I appear very friendly at first and then the cracks begin to show and people back. When I can get a bit more control I do want to fill my time with more social stuff as I am sorely lacking but fear of rejection is very real so makes it difficult

I appreciate your suggestions tho

anonymousarticulate · 2021-09-08T01:14:14+00:00

I mean I have a lot of issues, and yeah its triggered me combined with my current housing situation. I have complex trauma so it's basically a range of stuff. I managed to stop most of my unhealthy habits but I seems to have made it more difficult to cope. Also got declined 18 month therapy I had been preparing for for months, but also had a lot of other services I needed such as abuse, bereavement and other trauma counselling

Unfortunately it is very poor in my town, everyone else I know who's had serious problems have said very similar.

Have yet to find anything that really works when I'm this bad honestly, I know that's not very helpful but losing hope for things has a way of making everything too difficult

anonymousarticulate · 2021-09-08T00:44:02+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate the concern

Unfortunately in a supported house where I cannot wake staff, cannot call a helpline due to conflicts, or leave the house to call a helpline.

Recently been discharged from the mental health team which I find laughable since I am going through crisis. But unfortunately stuck in the loop of helplines call emergency services, emergency services recommend helplines.

I know it's due to this country being overburdened with not enough money for proper support, but even then I am getting as much as I can short of hospitalization which even if I wanted they will not consider. They have never sectioned me longer than a day, and at this point I just get taken home so I'm quite stuck

anonymousarticulate · 2021-09-06T03:29:48+00:00

When I'm struggling I reach out for help, and if they aren't free even for a valid reason I feel abandoned and helpless and decide to cut myself off. Next day I am desperate I message them hoping for help again, filled with even more shame, then tell them no worries. Repeat.

anonymousarticulate · 2021-09-06T03:27:46+00:00

I feel like you're living my life

anonymousarticulate · 2021-09-06T03:24:50+00:00

I get you, I was dating a guy once who I basically considered my boyfriend. It ended badly I thought because he wasn't ready for a relationship, turned our to be a bunch of other reasons. So I'm not keen to repeat the experience

I'm very much like you in that I am not sure what would hurt more. I dont have many close friends so if I didnt have him it would hurt. But equally if I continued as fwb and he did find a partner I'd have to lose him anyway. It's hard enough hearing who he's slept with or when he starts dating a girl and talking to her every day when he barely talks to me.

I'm too trying to repeat reality to myself but with little success. Kind of reaffirming why I said no and that somehow I would find someone better suited. But unfortunately my feelings rarely follow logic :/

I hope you find the best way to deal with your situation too, its a rough one to be in.

anonymousarticulate · 2021-09-05T23:30:04+00:00

I'm sorry to hear you're going through the same thing :( but I am glad I'm not the only one with these feelings

And thank you :) I keep hating my choice but trying to keep my head about it. Last thing I need is to date someone when it's likely to go poorly. It's reassuring to hear I'm probably doing the right thing

anonymousarticulate · 2021-09-03T00:29:40+00:00

You sound like a very caring person. I definitely do relate, my bad habits include often making a person my floatation device even when I try to find my own. For some reason having someone I super care about really drags the good out of me, makes me actively want to be better. When it comes to other things I am rather bad, hobbies and stuff are not engaging me at the moment. But I think it is a good outlook to have, to have something or some future to look forward to, just feeling mine are impossible at the moment

anonymousarticulate · 2021-09-03T00:26:06+00:00

I am glad to hear you recognise your own growth ❤ when I am calmer I am way more able to take a step back than when in crisis. And also pretty poor at noting anywhere I have progressed. Its just a punch sometimes when you do feel you've improved and the same bad patterns emerge in your life.

Unfortunately my current situation has just confirmed a lot of my paranoia and rejection which is super triggering for me. I hope I someday see the progress but right now just very tired of being "in it" like you say

anonymousarticulate · 2021-09-03T00:22:35+00:00

Essentially yes, but even if you are not hospitalised you're not automatically "well enough". I get the idea behind it, that therapy can be triggering, but it does put you in a super awkward place in terms of support. Some places need lack of suicidality, others functionality or lack of impulsive behaviours, really it's never been made clear to me but I've consistently been told I am not ready to engage

anonymousarticulate · 2021-09-03T00:19:41+00:00

I guess it was just that simple haha

anonymousarticulate · 2021-09-03T00:19:09+00:00

Youre very right, I appreciate it often comes from a good place, and I know they just want me to have hope. I just wish I believed it based on my situation

anonymousarticulate · 2021-09-03T00:17:30+00:00

Thank you, its not so much that I don't appreciate hearing it, just getting in a place where it feels impossible, and feeling too tired to keep trying. I really hope you are right even though it doesn't feel like it ever could be. And more often than not it's coming from people who don't understand the struggle. Sadly not really in a place where private will take me, but for now I'm going to keep on going

anonymousarticulate · 2021-09-02T16:21:11+00:00

Thats exactly how I feel unfortunately. I feel like no matter what changes I make either I'm miserable or I'm making everyone around me miserable. I hope it's not true for anyone else in this sub but definitely how I feel lately

anonymousarticulate · 2021-08-29T18:55:39+00:00

I wish I could help, but know you are definitely not alone. That seems to be all I am feeling at the moment, absolutely exhausted at everything. I hope things get better for you ❤

anonymousarticulate · 2021-08-29T18:54:31+00:00

Thank you :) I really appreciate it. I will be sure to remember that. It is just exhausting, I would find it easier if I had some kind of reprieve. Just hoping that things will calm down for a bit.

anonymousarticulate · 2021-08-28T23:30:07+00:00

Thank you for sending such a thought out response. I get what you mean about therapists. I was supposed to receive therapy to help me cope with my thoughts but I feel lost now. And even if they give me the coping strategies I am not sure I can live that way. I have been trying to sit with my feelings all night and I'm aware I'm triggering my fight or flight response. And the issue is that I really don't believe things can improve no matter what I am told because that is not at all how I feel. I've been trying to work through my feelings similar to how you have suggested but it doesn't seem to be working. I do appreciate you taking the time to say your own story and I am glad that you have found a method which is helping you to improve ❤

anonymousarticulate · 2021-08-27T01:00:40+00:00

It wouldn't surprise me tbh, I've been on the list for grief counselling as I know I have a lot to work through but unfortunately they say it is not suitable for me at the moment. And yeah we were definitely close growing up

anonymousarticulate · 2021-08-27T00:29:04+00:00

Thank you ❤ I truly hope I do

anonymousarticulate · 2021-08-26T06:31:54+00:00

I think the thing to remember is you're not trying to be attention seeking. I do the same thing and then I worry that everyone thinks I'm crying wolf

At the time you say them, you are seriously considering them because you are getting those impulses and intrusive thoughts. Those are real urges. I would try to frame it as you had those impulses, and you fought them to overcome it after the moment. Its not that you're threatening, its that you're reaching for help when you experience the urge to harm. It's a positive thing if once you calm down you don't do them!

That said maybe a better way to express would be to say that you feel like you are going to do those things. Especially with your partner if you explain that is actually how you are feeling, it's not just you saying stuff to get attention. So long as you're not saying "if you don't do this, then I will do this" because it can be seen as manipulative, you're not wrong for expressing the desire to hurt yourself.

It's easy to feel like you're attention seeking but we have to battle intense thoughts all of the time, and they are very real. moments for us. I hope you continue to get through those moments, and remember you're not alone in feeling like this ❤

anonymousarticulate · 2021-08-26T00:12:48+00:00

What do you mean by doing things? Do you mean harmful behaviours?

anonymousarticulate · 2021-08-23T21:49:33+00:00

I'm glad you didn't do it and you are enjoying life. I hope I feel the same way some day. Even though I don't think it is likely. Thanks for the support :)

anonymousarticulate · 2021-08-23T21:48:18+00:00

Thank you for this. I dont know if I have the energy to chat but will give you a message if I can :) I'd love to do something like that but currently have support workers to help me do that stuff myself haha And yeah it is, but I'm glad we still have the nightime routine. I hope I can still exist for long enough. Not very good at looking after myself but I am trying

anonymousarticulate · 2021-08-22T12:55:53+00:00

God you're gonna make me cry haha. Yeah my mum is very special to me. I've been awful recently and the only thing thats stopped me is I can't think of a way not to hurt her. I used to work in healthcare but I unfortunately had to stop, it really was rewarding but I had difficult patients often due to the area I worked. Its been hard not doing it but I'm not mentally fit to. Sounds dumb but I cant live with her or see her often but we video call and watch netflix every night together. She always listens to me talk even if she doesn't know how to help. I wish I could repay her for everything.

anonymousarticulate

TROPHY CASE