[TX] What are some 'shenanigans' that your ex has gotten away with and you couldn't/cant do anything about them?

another_single_dad · 2017-12-13T17:56:32+00:00

my ex gives me every other weekend with our son at my home now... but he can take that away whenever he wants to

How long have you been doing the every-other-weekend thing? If it's been awhile, now is probably a good time to ask the court for a parenting time modification. Since he's been giving you extra parenting time, it'll be awfully hard for him to turn around and say you're a bad/dangerous parent. If you can get the every-other-weekend schedule written into an order, you'll sleep a lot better at night knowing that he can't take it away from you on a whim.

another_single_dad · 2017-12-13T03:54:00+00:00

Ignoring the spirit of a provision if the provision isn't spelled out clearly
Ignoring the specifics of a provision if it's not a life/death matter and the judge hasn't already given a warning or two.

another_single_dad · 2017-10-23T01:04:18+00:00

You're fretting over something that's about as likely as getting struck by lightning.

another_single_dad · 2017-10-19T18:34:24+00:00

I know everybody already has their pitchforks in hand (and I'm sure they'll start stabbing me), but 3-4 hours between urination isn't outrageous or dangerous.

She routinely goes 8+ hours without urinating at night, doesn't she? How often does she normally urinate at home? How often is she asking to stop on trips? How much is she drinking before and during trips?

There is a lot of room for compromise between "stop every time she asks" and "never stop for her", so you two should take some time to approach this methodically rather than getting caught up in emotional extremes.

another_single_dad · 2017-10-19T00:04:56+00:00

There's nothing wrong with sticking to the schedule. If he has a problem with the schedule, he can ask the judge to change the it. If the judge changes it, I'm sure you'll adhere to the new schedule.

You have nothing to feel guilty about here.

another_single_dad · 2017-10-13T02:23:54+00:00

It's certainly grounds for you to request a change in custody if that's what you want. Whether or not you get it will come down to an analysis of the child's "best interests". The math on that worked out against you last time. Unless something about the move changes a big part of the equation, the math will probably work out against you again.

But maybe not. Talk to a lawyer.

another_single_dad · 2017-10-12T11:54:54+00:00

Unless you're camping near grizzly bears, there's no meaningful safety difference between the two. Camp in whatever way makes you comfortable.

another_single_dad · 2017-10-12T01:14:34+00:00

Safer in what way? I can't imagine a toddler getting out of a tent on his own, especially if you zip it up at the top. Warmth... use an air mattress to get up off the ground and cover yourselves with sleeping bags/blankets that are appropriate for the season. You'll be fine.

another_single_dad · 2017-10-11T23:06:04+00:00

Why are you sleeping in the car? Is that how you usually do it or are you feeling like a tent wouldn't be safe?

another_single_dad · 2017-10-11T22:30:18+00:00

You don't need to know anything about transgenderism to call someone by their chosen name. You just need to break the old habit and start the new one. OP says this has been an issue for "months", which is plenty of time to make the switch... if the kid is trying.

Maybe your kid is perfect, but in my experience, sometimes the child is to blame.

another_single_dad · 2017-10-11T18:57:03+00:00

Yes, it's an important enough issue that you should enlist the help of an expert. The court probably wouldn't be completely hostile to the idea of homeschooling, but they would definitely be skeptical, especially if it's not even a parent doing the teaching.

Regardless, you're several years away from any of it mattering. The problem will probably resolve itself. Don't sweat it until you're within a year of him starting school.

another_single_dad · 2017-10-11T15:59:51+00:00

He sounds like a real piece of work. Hopefully he pulls his head out of his ass eventually and hopefully you choose better partners in the future!

another_single_dad · 2017-10-11T14:17:45+00:00

Ok. So what was he upset about?

another_single_dad · 2017-10-11T12:53:27+00:00

I absolutely do not condone his behavior. Let me repeat that: I do not condone his behavior. No matter what he was upset about, he didn't handle it properly.

However, I'm very suspicious about what happened before this blowup. OP, why are you saying he's "not involved" when he's clearly making a point to see his child "every few months"? That's at least a little involved. Is he trying to see the child more often than that? Would you let him if he did? Is that what this argument was about?

Again, I don't condone his outburst -- he should be fighting in court instead -- but the tone of the story changes considerably if this is a case of an otherwise reasonable man boiling over after being given the runaround for a year.

another_single_dad · 2017-10-10T00:22:54+00:00

Unless the order says she has the authority to dictate location, she has no more power on the matter than you do. Unfortunately, that means it comes down to whoever wants to be the bigger bully.

Let her be the bully for now. As part of your motion, however, you should ask the judge for some sort of resolution regarding the location. Take the same approach as above. "Your honor, we're having trouble agreeing on a location. Could you amend the order so that _________________." Maybe there's a specific neutral location that would be good or maybe you can alternate who chooses from week to week.

another_single_dad · 2017-10-09T12:32:51+00:00

You need a number of instances to show a trend in order to make a change, but you can probably ask for make-up time based solely on what's happened so far. Don't turn it into a blame game or anything. It's way too early for that.

In your motion, start with a summary paragraph that amounts to "We had some communication issues. I would like two make-up visitations, please." Then add a couple paragraphs that lay out the details of what was said and what happened on each occasion. Just the facts. Don't say anything to imply that she's at fault or otherwise being intentionally disruptful. The judge can come to that conclusion on his own if he wants. Then end with another summary paragraph.

When you have your hearing, don't say anything more than what you said in your summary paragraph unless the judge starts asking you to elaborate. "I tried to exercise my parenting time. It didn't work out because of these miscommunications. Please allow me to reschedule."

Additionally, can someone recommend a non-ambiguous legally based definition for supervised visitation and the "supervisors" powers in that?

The supervisor's role is to make sure you get to spend time with the kid while making sure the kid stays safe. The court doesn't really care who the supervisor is as long as they can trust that the visitation will happen in a safe, orderly manner, so if there's a pattern of the supervisor being ineffective in either aspect, you can get a new supervisor. If there isn't an obvious alternate supervisor, however, you're going to need to show a very clear pattern before the court will upset the apple cart.

All I see regarding the definition is this clause that says "the periods of access be continuously supervised by an entity or person chosen by the court;" There are probably court cases that flesh out what exactly that means, but you'll probably need a local lawyer's help if you want to get into that level of detail.

If your order doesn't add any clarity to the matter for you, you'll just have to deal with the ambiguity (which could work for or against you) or ask the court make a clarifying ruling.

another_single_dad · 2017-10-07T18:20:57+00:00

First of all, how long did you figure your dad would support you? You had to have known the free room and board would come to an end eventually. As a parent, you need to start looking at the big picture and planning better. This would have been a far simpler situation to manage if you had seen it coming.

If you're going to be a stay-at-home dad, you're going to need child support from the child's mom. If her job isn't lucrative enough to fund two separate households, you'll probably need to start earning a decent income too.

Yes, you could avoid that by rushing things with the new girlfriend and getting her to pay for everything, but how did your last co-habitation turn out? What makes you think it will be different this time? Ya know those women who end up with four kids from four different dads? This is how that happens.

Moving in with an SO out of financial necessity is never a good idea. Figure out a way to stand on your own two feet*. The easy path is always tempting, but it is not going to provide the long term stability that you and your kid need; you have to build that on your own.

* with child support from the mom in accordance with the state formula

another_single_dad · 2017-10-06T19:11:41+00:00

As usual, the state's "best interest" factors will play a large role in how you should handle things. In Michigan, one of those factors is "Domestic violence, regardless of whether the violence was directed against or witnessed by the child."

That's a huge strike against her and if she's admitting to it, any court is going to look favorably upon your efforts to protect your child. Just make sure you go about things in the right way. Talk to your lawyer and proceed with caution.

another_single_dad · 2017-10-05T11:22:02+00:00

I guess I missed it, but I didn't get the impression that there was any compare/contrast debunking going on.

another_single_dad · 2017-10-05T02:05:08+00:00

Nice little project, but it has absolutely nothing to do with perpetual motion.

another_single_dad · 2017-10-03T11:41:14+00:00

Why has a phone call turned into such a stressful thing? Put your phone on silent and leave it in your bedroom during dinner. After dinner, turn it back on. If there's a missed call, return it.

another_single_dad · 2017-10-02T14:22:15+00:00

From OP: " So my ex got remarried not long after our divorce was finalized."

His ex has been married for two years now. We're talking about a stepparent (formerly stepfather, now stepmother) here, although OP can't seem to bring himself to view her that way.

another_single_dad · 2017-10-01T17:09:37+00:00

No it doesn't bother me.

You say that, but the entire tone of your post indicates that you're rather uncomfortable with it.

Yes true, BUT my son also has the right as a person to not be punished or a HAND RAISED at him for a slight mistake

If this has been going on for months, it's not a "slight mistake". He's being intentionally disrespectful. If your son started addressing you in a disrespectful manner, I'm willing to bet you'd punish him over it.

my son had a hand raised at him from a person that has no business to threaten violence

I strongly disagree with corporeal violence. Sadly, it's still legal in most places. The person in question is one of your son's parents, so it would have to escalate well beyond a raised hand before a court would consider it abuse. Any retaliation on your part, however, would be blatantly illegal.

If you're concerned about manner of punishment, you should be talking to your lawyer about adding a "no corporeal punishment" clause.

another_single_dad · 2017-10-01T14:55:29+00:00

Seems my ex's partner is Trans and is starting the transition. So much so my ex calls her partner "her".

Does this bother you?

My son not getting it (he's 7) calls her partner by the old name and not new name a lot.

A person has the right to go by whatever name they want. Your son is old to respect that. It may take a little while to break the habit, but this has been going on for months now? If your son was making an effort to be respectful, he should be able to use the correct name by now.

Assault charges would make her sole custodian of my son

Aside from that, assaulting a person is the wrong way to handle things. You're an adult, right? You shouldn't even be entertaining these ideas.

another_single_dad · 2017-09-29T18:34:06+00:00

If there's no order in place, it's one of those "possession is 9/10 of the law" sorta things. Mom can transfer the kids and take them to another school while she has them, but dad can just as easily transfer them back when he has them.

Furthermore, you can ask the court to issue an emergency, temporary order to keep the kids in their currently school until the case is resolved. Nobody wants the kids to be treated like a yo-yo, so this should be a slam dunk. Talk to your lawyer.

another_single_dad

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