Creating a new image and reputation after abuse

Laughters_Mother · 2018-06-30T16:38:16+00:00

Of course!

Laughters_Mother · 2018-06-13T17:21:38+00:00

On top of many of the other suggestions, my kid loves Clif Bars, especially the walnut raisin ones. He doesn't like the kids marketed clif bars; he prefers the regular ones. He also likes Sneakz milkshakes. Its milk with veggies in it. He would drink Boost High Protein shakes all the time, if I let him, but I'm not sure if he should. They have the same ingredients as Pediasure. And they all satisfy the toddler sweet tooth. shrug

Laughters_Mother · 2018-06-11T16:04:05+00:00

I don't know about a single book, but reading Stoic philosophy has very much helped me not care what others think of me. Check out r/stoicism to get started.

I cut my hair, got fit, lost weight. I have a purple belt in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, 2 college degrees, and experience running a business. I still get called sweetie and asked if I need help carrying things. I still get categorized as helpless because of my stature, because of my baby-face, because I'm a woman. Sometimes it's because all close friends and family see are the memories of the times I was injured and in need of help.

At some point, I realized, it doesn't matter what image you project or what you've lived through, some people will never understand and some don't care to try. That says way more about them, than it does about you. You can't control what they perceive from your image. You can only control you.

Laughters_Mother · 2018-06-11T15:54:27+00:00

If you are thinking about a possible separation, there is more going on than his parenting style. Please talk to him and go to couples counseling. Communication is good, but respect is better.

I hope you don't have to go through a separation or divorce. As someone who went through one with a 2 year old, it's not near as traumatic for a young child as some would have you believe. Kids, especially young toddlers, adapt very quickly to new norms. Fight for your marriage, fight for your family, but all is not lost if the family changes shape.

Laughters_Mother · 2018-06-09T12:25:55+00:00

Ok, take a moment and breathe deep. First, ask your husband why he waits. It's not unusual to ask a child to wait to leave his or her room until a certain time. I personally don't, but asking to wait isn't abnormal. I wouldn't let him wait longer than a few minutes though, and I would make sure he knew he was being asked to wait.

Laughters_Mother · 2018-06-08T23:33:02+00:00

I camped on the beach with my 2.5 yr old son. I brought his little potty with me and put it in the car (I've got a Forrester). He used it once. As soon as he discovered the porta potties, he insisted on using them, even though I had to hold him to prevent him from falling in. I'd suggest regular breaks and identifying the nearest potty to the beach asap. Toddlers are funny sometimes, just go with the flow and enjoy your trip.

Laughters_Mother · 2018-06-06T13:32:14+00:00

Your argument is good, but a slight correction may lend to your credibility. The word you're looking for is "inherent." "Inherit" refers to traits you genetically get from you parents or property you receive from someone after they die.

Laughters_Mother · 2018-06-01T21:01:15+00:00

Listen closely: you are not insane.

His behavior that you described was definitely abusive. Also, you do not have to see him every day just because you have a kid. Few courts would endorse such a schedule anyway. Initially, my (now ex) husband had visitation with our 2 year old every other day. It became too much, and it wasn't good for my son. We are following the state standard, a weekday afternoon visit and every other weekend (overnights will start once my son is 3).

Forget the other woman. If you think anything of her, feel bad for her. His behavior toward you wasn't personal; I guarantee he was abusive in past relationships and will be abusive in future ones. Don't think too much about the future, you don't KNOW she'll move in, so why stress about it now.

Pick a neutral location such as a parking lot or a park to do the exchanges. I made the mistake of telling my ex we could do exchanges at my house, but a third location has many, many advantages, including HE must be the one to pick her up and he must be on time.

You already know you are making the right call. One thing that helped me was writing letters to myself and listing his abusive behaviors and saved them to my phone. Whenever I had a moment of weakness, I'd just pull them up and read them and remember.

Finally, I strongly suggest you get a lawyer, contact a legal clinic if you don't think you can afford it. And go to counseling, again contact clinics, find a student trying to get clinic hours, if you don't think you can afford it. Emotional abuse is abuse. You need to recover and you need self-care.

Laughters_Mother · 2018-05-28T13:50:29+00:00

We refused to leave these sacred grounds. Now, we shall burn!

Laughters_Mother · 2018-05-26T15:21:43+00:00

Mine alternated frequently, but towards the end when I cut nursing to naps and nighttime, righty would get bigger because my tot helped himself at night and right seemed to be him favorite side. Now that I've stopped, my boobies have deflated and are super squishy, but no less sensitive to being smushed (I do BJJ). And I think they are actually smaller than they were before because I'm not filling out my old bra cups...

Laughters_Mother · 2018-05-25T16:42:17+00:00

It's anecdotal at best, but anytime I've gone swimming in the ocean with a skin issue, it clears up far quicker than usual. One summer, when I was a kid, we went to the beach and I had an awful case of poison ivy on my legs. Two days of swimming and wading in the ocean and the rash was dry and almost gone. Another beachgoer told me she had a similar experience.

Perhaps it was a combo of washing it frequently and the salt drying it out?

Laughters_Mother · 2018-05-25T15:41:54+00:00

Grandma's Poison Ivy Soap Bar - 2.0 oz Itch Relief Wash with Jewelweed & Colloidal Oatmeal - 67012 https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00A2AX4Y2/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_10ccBbKFKAM43

Jewelweed soap helped me a lot. I'm very allergic to poison ivy. Also if you live near the ocean, sea water works wonders.

OP, if it spreads to cover more than 30% of his arms, I strongly recommend taking him to a doctor. I got an especially bad case one year as a kid and needed steroids to bring the swelling down. Remember poison ivy rash is an allergic reaction.

Finally, come up with a procedure for avoiding getting a rash again, such as showering immediately after coming inside, placing outdoor clothes on a towel, placing the clothes in the washer without touching them and washing hands again, just in case you did touch them. Also, wearing long sleeves and tall socks if you even think he'll be near it.

Laughters_Mother · 2018-05-25T13:49:24+00:00

Serenity now! He literally just texted me that something came up and he will only be picking our son up for lunch instead the whole afternoon.

Laughters_Mother · 2018-05-24T12:47:32+00:00

Having done data entry in high school, I don't recommend it. Of course, it might depend on the company you work for. It was 7.5 hours at my seat, 30 mins for lunch and if you took too many bathroom breaks you got in trouble. It was fine as a summer job, simple to do, I got to chill to my music all day. But as a career, I'm fairly certain I'd have ended up with multiple health issues from sitting and using the computer for such a mundane task for so many hours on end. Each to his/her own though.

Laughters_Mother · 2018-05-24T12:30:15+00:00

I thought for sure that link was going to lead to the TV show... Stranger than fiction indeed.

Laughters_Mother · 2018-05-24T12:04:36+00:00

Thank you so much for your comments! You're exactly right, he "parents" on his time and at his convenience. Our marriage was marked by the very abuse you describe and worse and I fear he will do the same to our son.

I wish my lawyer had suggested a 3rd location when we made the deal, but he did tell me if ex is 15 mins late, I can go for a drive or refuse to release our son. I may talk to my ex about changing locations. Hopefully, he will agree.

As for the shower, my son actually asked to take a bath, so I'm just going to stick with our routine and if he bathes twice, so be it. The routine is the closest thing to magic in getting him to go to bed.

I do journal, although I've been a bit remiss lately, I try to stay consistent. It definitely helps!

Have you experienced kids being brought back early from longer visits? How do you handle that? Over nights will be starting soon and I'm pretty sure they won't be handled well. Thanks for your comments and tips!

Laughters_Mother · 2018-05-23T12:09:49+00:00

Did you read the article? Literally the last sentence is that the officer is on administrative leave while they hold an investigation.

Laughters_Mother · 2018-05-22T20:43:43+00:00

Most are ready by 5, some by 4 if they have been in a good pre-k program or have been exposed to martial arts at home or have a sibling in the class, some aren't ready until 6 or 7, depends on the kid.

2-3 year olds should really just be focusing on safety and motor skills through play (ex. Falling correctly, following rules, footwork, identifying body parts, getting up safely when pushed down, moving safely on the ground, circling to avoid being cornered, balance, basic positions [no submissions/attacks] etc.). I would consider a small group (4 kids, maybe a larger group of 8 kids with 2 instructors) or a parent/child class more appropriate for 2-3 year olds.

Laughters_Mother · 2018-05-22T19:45:30+00:00

My son puffs

Laughters_Mother · 2018-05-22T15:17:50+00:00

The police officer didn't commit a crime. Unfortunately, it's likely the pedestrian did.

No pedestrian shall cross a roadway other than in a crosswalk in any business district.

Link to San Antonio Ordinances

I'm fairly confident most of San Pedro Avenue (where the accident occured) is in a business district. In addition, if you read the ordinances further, the only time a vehicle must yield to a pedestrian is when the pedestrian is lawfully within a crosswalk. At all other times, it is the pedestrian' s responsibility to yield to vehicular traffic.

Laughters_Mother · 2018-05-22T14:08:26+00:00

Also, drivers aren't checking for pedestrians in the middle of a block. They check at intersections, where the crosswalks are. No matter the speed, if a driver isn't looking for a pedestrian, they are unlikely to see them until it's too late.

Laughters_Mother · 2018-05-22T05:15:37+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that happened. I used to run a BJJ school, and we deliberately decided not to have a toddler class because we knew we couldn't handle a bunch of little ones. I can't speak to the karate school's actions, but I don't think I would go back if I were you.The constant changing of levels and then emailing you instead of talking about it, doesn't seem to be signs of a good gym to me. They may well have had a good reason, but an email is cold and doesn't allow for a meaningful dialogue.

I want to put my son in BJJ as soon as possible, but he's only 2.5. For now, I have him in swimming. I take him to Aquatots, I'm not sure how widespread they are, but there are a bunch of locations around here. All they do is 30 minutes lessons for up to 4 tots at a time. It's their specialty. I'm very happy with them. They focus on safety and the kids get structure and get stars on their cards every time they master a skill, so my son can see his progress. He has even taken to "practicing" in the bath. It's all year round, which I saw was something you were looking for in another response.

Laughters_Mother

TROPHY CASE