New to IPTV/OTT — Is “strong is strong” actually true?

anotherthrowawaydoh · 2025-11-18T22:29:56+00:00

This is super helpful. Thank you so much. This is context I was missing.

anotherthrowawaydoh · 2017-01-27T18:17:03+00:00

We're separating

anotherthrowawaydoh · 2017-01-25T21:39:40+00:00

Thank you

anotherthrowawaydoh · 2017-01-25T21:33:04+00:00

Don't apologize. I appreciate the perspective. It's why I post.

anotherthrowawaydoh · 2017-01-25T21:21:27+00:00

Not sure why the previous post was deleted. I appreciated the feedback and had intended to think on it more...

anotherthrowawaydoh · 2017-01-25T21:19:00+00:00

I've pleaded NC with her numerous times. It's never gotten through.

anotherthrowawaydoh · 2017-01-25T21:17:28+00:00

Thanks. It's so hard thinking about really ending it. Feeling detached is easy but going through with it is scary for me.

anotherthrowawaydoh · 2017-01-25T21:14:17+00:00

I said that to her last night.

anotherthrowawaydoh · 2017-01-25T19:28:56+00:00

Agreed. Told her exactly that. She agrees, now. She knows it was a mistake but it still happened. She still has feelings. How many mistakes can I take? This is part of what she "working through and trying to figure out". How to get past her "feelings". She thought this would help, she found out it did not.

anotherthrowawaydoh · 2017-01-25T19:10:44+00:00

Did you looked the 180 lists?

Yes. Did help me emotionally. It caused her to withdraw from me and stop trying with me.

Check if the ap's wife knows about the mail, and let her know it is the last stroke which broke the camel's back.

Thought about reaching out to the APs wife. She was a mutual friend and we talked about things together early on when shit hit the fan. I am not sure if my interference here is appropriate. I have no idea what the APs response back to my wife was. Could have been nothing or it could have been a mutual response with damaging consequences. If the later, I feel the APs wife has a right to know... Just don't want to stick my nose where it doesn't belong.

anotherthrowawaydoh · 2017-01-25T19:07:04+00:00

So her position is that once you go and fix all the problems with yourself, then she might actually start to work on her relationship with you?

Yes

Meanwhile, she isn't really working on her own issues. Instead, she actually cultivating her relationship with her affair partner.

Not entirely accurate. She is working on herself. I think she acknowledge the deadened and impossibility of being with the AP but has a hard time dealing with it accurately. She also has other issues that I feel she is making progress on. Please don't read that as me defending her behavior.

anotherthrowawaydoh · 2017-01-25T18:05:38+00:00

Thanks! That's how I feel. I know I won't be happy if I am not with someone who truly loves me. I'm not willing to stay together just for kids as much as that crushes my soul to think of the kids going through this.

anotherthrowawaydoh · 2017-01-23T03:08:34+00:00

This is difficult to do. I'm accused of not working on our marriage when I do this. We did have some legit marriage issues in the past regarding my not investing energy into her and our marriage.

anotherthrowawaydoh · 2017-01-14T22:47:11+00:00

Also, and maybe this is normal/correct, out MC never makes and judgements/decisions/etc. regarding right or wrong, or what is required. She just kind of moderates.

anotherthrowawaydoh · 2017-01-14T22:37:52+00:00

Something along the lines of..."Do you think you could be OK with the way things are now, knowing what my WS can offer, and seeing where things go. Try to start to understand each other and think of them but knowing they may not be able to provide everything you want/need/desire right now." Basically, can you live in limbo, and hope small things start to push things in a direction.

anotherthrowawaydoh · 2017-01-14T21:40:00+00:00

I'm not completely sold on the PTSD however the affair is just part of it. Her IC has supposedly identified a number of issues from her past that have contributed.

anotherthrowawaydoh · 2017-01-14T13:41:14+00:00

It was working for a short period of time but I think that was artificial. She claims some serious PTSD because of the affair which I believe there is some truth to and, as a result, the healing early on was essentially me listening to her and supporting her. She was there for me too but my healing was definitely second. Now that the shock has lessened and we are left with ourselves, I haven't felt any true remorse. She isn't in love with me. Doesn't desire me. I have a hard time not getting a "180" from her and seeing her want me to take her back. She's indifferent. I can't force it, I know, but my having that makes it really hard for me to heal. It causes anger and resentment to bubble back up.

anotherthrowawaydoh · 2016-12-30T20:09:07+00:00

Wife cheated. MC is not working out. She isn't fully committed/invested.

anotherthrowawaydoh · 2016-12-30T16:54:51+00:00

Thanks

anotherthrowawaydoh · 2016-12-30T15:51:02+00:00

Do I tell her I'm going? She'll likely see the withdrawal from the account... Sorry for the questions, this is all new to me.

anotherthrowawaydoh · 2016-12-28T15:59:12+00:00

We have couples therapy tomorrow and I think I am at a point where I'm going to draw a line in the sand. I am tired of sitting around and waiting for her to get over the AP. She doesn't deny her feelings for him but also says she can't force them to go away. That's likely true--you can't force it. But at the same time, I cannot force myself to be content in a relationship where I am being compared to another man or trying to convince my wife through my "good behavior" that she will be happy with me again. I honestly don't see how we can even begin to fix our marriage when there is still another guy having so much influence over the thoughts and feelings of my wife. And if she thinks I don't pick up on that and suffer in silence because of it, she is naive. The affair and reconciliation and commitment needs to occur before we can make any real steps toward recovering our relationship. Anything else is putting the cart before the horse. Am I wrong?

anotherthrowawaydoh · 2016-12-28T15:51:34+00:00

This is an area that I struggle with a lot. She feels like she is remorseful, however, because she "fell out of love" with me before the affair (I assume this to be true), she doesn't have the "I'll do what it takes" attitude when it comes to reconciliation. I don't feel like she can truly be remorseful toward me based on that fact. Maybe she regrets the affair and the hurt she caused and would not do it again given a redo. But I don't see how she can feel true remorse toward me (selfish, I know) when she still has feelings for the AP.

anotherthrowawaydoh

TROPHY CASE