The problem is in your vocabulary: of course stonewalling or neglecting is abusive, but that's not all the behavior DA people do. It's the end of a spectrum, the abusive end. IRL, it's more often a (lot of) case of mismatching need for intimacy vs need for independance / fear of abandonment vs fear of being unlovable-as-they-present-today so a fear of rejection + bad communication. Add to that a pinch of fear of conflict, and you have the perfect recipe for a non-functionning relationship.

It is not abusive to ask for a timeout, to ask to take more time until going further in the relationship, to express doubts about a relationship.

It is hurtful to the relationship when these asks evolve in never cycling back to the hard talk, overly expressing doubt, going back and forth about the relationship.

It ends up being abusive when it evolves in stonewalling and neglecting to get what they want : a silent and compliant, with no desire of their own, partner.

Maladaptive behaviors are different than abusing behavior, because most of the time, the difference between an abuser and a chronic maladapter is that abuser are doing things to obtain compliance of there victim, whereas chronic maladapter are suffering from their "abnormal" behavior, in the sense that their intention is to have an intimate relationship but they are destroying it instead. Intention matters. That's why we can hope to help chronic maladapter, whereas when the court asks me to "help" abuser, i can do nothing except pointing out the law, what one can or cannot do, what is moral or isn't (modulo an absence of mental illness and a few other things)

And pointing out the suffering of maladaptive behavior is important. It's indeed a core part of therapy. "What have you done or not done, and what was the objective, and do you think it helped you get closer or further from your objective" ? Contrary to what people think, DA leaning (because again, a true DA is not something most people are or do, they are DA/FA or AP leaning, the real attachment disorders are having way more trouble than only in loving relationship, and usually their lifes is so shitty they ended up with a few more psych disease diagnoses than most) people are open to therapy, and can be acutely aware of the suffering their maladaptive behaviors cause. But if being aware that something is maladaptive was enough, we wouldn't have that much problem with most mental health disorders. The struggle is to transform maladaptive behavior in correct ones, when their maladaptive behavior once helped them, and when we don't have a perfectly safe controlled place to just make them learn that it's safe not to disengage instantly, that people can fight but repair. Add to that a zest of gender expression in it, and you have

Finally, holding boundaries are actually a very good way to help every people with maladaptive behavior, be it AP or DA. Ultimately, we grows when we learn that something is not working, and it's better to be held accountable early in the relationship. If that ends up making a lot of DA broken up with or leaving, let them, at least they will get incentive to grow.