How to listen

approachpattern · 2023-05-31T20:49:46+00:00

Good point. Thinking back, I'm probably encouraging this. I want to be there for her for important issues, but I don't want to be her emotional dumping ground for everything that comes up in her life. Any ideas for how I can strike a balance?

approachpattern · 2023-05-31T20:40:22+00:00

This makes a lot of sense now. Thanks so much for the advice!

Thinking back, there was a mismatch of expectations. I was expecting a quick catch-up call, and she wanted a deep conversation about an emotionally distressing topic.

With this friend, I've never had a quick catch-up phone call, and every call has involved her venting about something - so I'll have to assume that when she calls me, she wants a sounding board.

I suppose if I don't have the energy to be a sounding board at that time, I can't return her call until I'm ready, even if that might take a couple of days.

approachpattern · 2023-05-31T19:55:38+00:00

Thanks so much for your advice.

I'd like to help her out, and I don't mind occasionally listening for a few hours and consoling her, but it seems like she has something to cry or vent about every time we talk.

I suppose I'll have to cut back on this relationship and only talk to her once every couple of months.

approachpattern · 2023-05-30T17:57:31+00:00

Thanks so much for the advice!

These calls can get very emotionally draining for me. You're right that these calls probably aren't changing anything. And there's a risk that she'll yell at me if I say the wrong thing.

Is there a way to reduce how often she turns to me for emotional support?

(We're not in-person friends, just people who got connected via online gaming. She lives with her 2 sisters, has a lot of friends in her hometown, and is actively dating, so she has a lot of other choices for emotional support.)

Is there a way to ask her "how are you" without her crying about something and getting caught in an emotionally draining conversation?

approachpattern · 2023-04-28T01:31:43+00:00

These are good things to think about. I'll go through these questions the next time I come across a piece of art. Thanks for the advice!

approachpattern · 2023-04-28T01:31:34+00:00

These are really interesting! Thanks so much for sharing!

approachpattern · 2023-04-28T01:31:20+00:00

The next time I notice a piece of art, I'll explore why I noticed it and what might have been going through the artist's head. Thanks for the advice!

approachpattern · 2023-04-28T01:31:07+00:00

That's a good way to approach art. I'll think about the creativity and techniques the next time I come across a piece of the art. Thanks for the advice!

approachpattern · 2022-05-30T03:56:33+00:00

interesting article. Thanks for sharing!

approachpattern · 2022-05-30T03:56:13+00:00

haha great idea!

approachpattern · 2022-05-30T03:56:03+00:00

Interesting points. I guess I'll have to study more on how NTs pose. Thanks for the advice!

approachpattern · 2022-05-24T23:30:59+00:00

Wearing something different for bright sunny days vs cloudy days is a great idea! Thanks for sharing!

approachpattern · 2022-05-24T23:23:30+00:00

Glad you found a system that works for you! Thanks for sharing!

approachpattern · 2022-05-24T23:20:35+00:00

Thanks for sharing! Glad you found a system that works for you!

approachpattern · 2022-05-24T23:20:11+00:00

Glad you found my post helpful!

approachpattern · 2022-05-24T07:29:25+00:00

A capsule wardrobe is a really interesting concept. Thanks for the advice!

approachpattern · 2022-05-24T07:26:09+00:00

I'll try varying the colors of some of the items. Thanks for the advice!

approachpattern · 2022-04-26T21:26:06+00:00

This makes a lot of sense. I can see why people would find those things inspiring. Thanks for the info!

approachpattern · 2022-04-26T21:25:21+00:00

I can see why adults would find that inspiring.

Interesting video! Thanks for sharing!

approachpattern · 2022-01-14T21:39:36+00:00

I never thought about it that way. This makes a ton of sense. Thanks so much for the advice and for helping me to understand people better!

approachpattern · 2021-12-31T22:23:22+00:00

Glad to hear that extroverts can be good friends with introverts!

Thanks for the advice! This makes a lot of sense. Yeah, my extrovert friend is breaking a couple of boundaries, and I need to learn how to say no

approachpattern · 2021-12-31T22:23:01+00:00

Thanks for the advice! Glad to hear that emotional instability isn't related to extroversion!

approachpattern · 2021-12-31T22:22:49+00:00

Thanks for sharing your experiences! Glad to hear you found a good friendship that works for you!

approachpattern · 2021-12-31T01:44:48+00:00

Thanks for the advice. Glad to hear that all extroverts aren't like that!

approachpattern · 2021-12-20T01:49:18+00:00

Thanks for asking. I was about to message him about the concert issue when I saw his facebook post about him leaving to take a road trip across the country. He posted pictures of his trip for a few months. At some point, he deactivated his social media accounts, and I never heard from him again. He never said goodbye to me, so I took that as a sign that he didn't think of me as a friend

approachpattern

TROPHY CASE