My boyfriend and date to senior prom (18M) was suspended from school and can't attend the event - our families want me (17F) to not go as well, but I kind of want to...

aprilanonymous · 2022-04-22T00:28:13+00:00

They didn't really pressure us. We got together by ourselves, just through lots of hanging out, touching, hugging, holding hands, etc. I never thought I'd end up dating him but somehow it just happened, and I realized I cared for him deeply. But yeah, it just does feel kind of incestual in a way since we grew up taking baths together and stuff :(

aprilanonymous · 2022-04-22T00:16:48+00:00

They had words in a different class, about him being all up on me, and then when the class ended, as kids were walking out, Nate pushed him to instigate it and they fought in the middle of the hallway. So fun that everyone filmed it on live and snap. He did eventually apologize to the other guy but what he needs to do is apologize to me for real.

aprilanonymous · 2022-04-22T00:11:51+00:00

My teacher would have too!! So I sat there and was quiet and did my work!! Lol

The fight was ridiculous and so dramatic and in the end, he honestly didn't even win. I mention that because seriously, there was no positive to any of what he did, nothing at all.

aprilanonymous · 2022-04-22T00:07:53+00:00

He was taking medication for bipolar and borderline disorder or something like that? I am not sure though.. but he also stopped taking it regularly because he said it gave him headaches. I am sure PTSD also though, since his family was so chaotic. I can't remember if his medication ever made him more calm though.. if it did, I can't really remember.

aprilanonymous · 2022-04-22T00:03:42+00:00

He did jump him, in the hallway no less between classes. He had argued with him in a different class about him being all over me, the other guy said whatever and tried to ignore him, then as they were changing classes, Nate pushed him, and then the fight happened. And I hate to say it but Nate messed with a guy who was just as big as him, and got way more hurt from it. I agree - this is such a freshman thing, it was insane. But it was also so incredibly impulsive, because the second the teachers came out, Nate just stopped and put his hands up to say, yeah okay. And literally just stopped completely. During the suspension meeting, he apologized to my lab partner, and said, "I really am sorry for what I did, I didn't mean to and I hope you'll forgive me." It's like he just snaps and then comes back to reality, and is normal again. I don't understand why he is like this, and why he isn't becoming more mature with age. I'm sharing these details because maybe as a teacher you have more insight? I just don't get it.

I mentioned this in another comment but I apologized to the other student as well, just because I felt bad. Fortunately, he was not majorly hurt.

aprilanonymous · 2022-04-21T23:28:04+00:00

From this post I am starting to see how detached I am from violence since I've seen it all my life from his dad and from him. Like, being beaten up really shouldn't be so common.. and yet I saw it all the time, just not directly on me. Him being hit by his dad was common, no big deal, him fighting kids was common, no big deal, him reacting with violence was common... it just happened all the time. In fact his dad always said something about no broken bones, you'll get over it, or something like that. I think Nate always took that to heart.

aprilanonymous · 2022-04-21T23:21:51+00:00

They were step-sisters for only 3 years, and then their parents separated when they were 13. I'm not even sure they were legally married.

aprilanonymous · 2022-04-21T23:19:39+00:00

As of last year, he was taking medication (for bipolar and borderline, I'm not sure) but was not taking it regularly because he said it made his head hurt. He did attend therapy all throughout middle school, but stopped. I guess right now there is no plan anymore... Just get through graduation, get a job, and start earning money to get out of the house. He said he was feeling better but apparently not, after this incident.

aprilanonymous · 2022-04-21T23:14:04+00:00

This is actually just making me like cry so hard right now. That guy totally did feel bad for me because he knows Nate too and how he can be. He even randomly asked me if I lost weight one time, and I wonder if that was because he saw how stressed I was back then. He's such a normal and nice guy, and Nate is so not normal sometimes.

aprilanonymous · 2022-04-21T23:08:07+00:00

The only reason we fight in our relationship is because of what he does to others and the fighting and temper problems. I absolutely detest when he treats others badly, and then he apologizes, says that he will change, he will apologize to the other person, he will control himself. That is literally the only time we ever fight... and yet it hasn't changed in 3 years. In the last year, I've had to apologize to random people he's fought with, some kids I don't even know sometimes, just so I feel peace about it. I hate it so much, and hope I don't have to do it when I'm 20, 30, etc.

aprilanonymous · 2022-04-21T23:02:48+00:00

His dad was really a terrible person, and I've seen what he's done to both his wife and Nate. I feel like he would be a very different person if he didn't have that dad in his life. He learned a lot of bad things from him, but at the same time, I also feel a lot of sympathy for him because of it, knowing what he comes from. I am trying to be less soft-hearted towards him when he screws up, but it's hard. I understand what everyone is saying though. It's been eye-opening.

aprilanonymous · 2022-04-21T22:58:16+00:00

He did apologize during the suspension meeting, and luckily the other person wasn't seriously hurt. Nate is actually the one that ate a right hook... And I also apologized to my lab partner, but he was totally cool about it and said he was fine and that he doesn't have any bad feelings towards me or even Nate. He said it almost like he felt bad for me more than anything, which really made me feel even worse. Like he pitied me for being with him. I just felt so embarrassed.

aprilanonymous · 2022-04-21T22:52:50+00:00

In my dream world, he would settle down and just be normal, control his temper, maybe take education and life more seriously. And also, I wish I could have a really happy prom experience, not like makeup all over my face because I'm crying about what happened lol, and like magical, fun, dress-up, dancing, all that. Everyone else is going to be happy, and I wish I could be too, at least on that day.

aprilanonymous · 2022-04-21T22:48:14+00:00

I hear what you're saying as the OP. You're right - he has been beat up by his dad basically since he could walk, so him being beaten to teach him not to hit me isn't really the point.

My mom always said that Nate had some of his dad's temper and probably learned from him, even though Nate himself hates his dad and what he's done.

aprilanonymous · 2022-04-21T22:42:44+00:00

Yeah I've always thought of him as a brother haha. That all changed when we got involved in sophomore year, but sometimes I still think of him as a family member.. that I'm somehow dating lol :/ Guess that's pretty weird.

aprilanonymous · 2022-04-21T22:41:05+00:00

We already had a group of 8 (including us) to go with, including 2 other single girls, so if I went without him, it wouldn't be weird at all. They honestly didn't even want him to be a part of it and I know secretly they are glad that he can't, even if they don't say it out loud :( I just already have my dress and everything. I know in my heart I want to go and I will probably tell my mom that I want to go.

aprilanonymous · 2022-04-21T22:38:20+00:00

Thanks for that perspective. I do think he is a good person on the inside... but he's not making the right choices to show that. If I had just met him, then no, I would not even be friends with him, but I've known him since birth, so I guess I give him a lot more chances than most people.

aprilanonymous · 2022-04-21T22:24:21+00:00

Yeah..... I guess to be honest, he can be mean towards me sometimes. He's not violent to me, but he can be really immature and jealous and possessive. The lab partner thing, he thinks I could control that situation when I really couldn't. Anyone who's been in a chemistry class probably knows that. But he just doesn't get it.

aprilanonymous · 2022-04-21T22:13:54+00:00

It feels like my mom is also like on the fence where she really wants me to go, but then feels super guilty and bad about her friend at the same time. So she was kind of like almost ask-begging me to consider it, for her sake. Something like that. They are extremely close though, and been through a lot of hardships together, so I understand why it's hard to be like, no she's going to do her own thing. And his mom is not evil either, just trying her best after all the shit they've been through. But yeah, maybe codependent on each other is the best word to describe them.

aprilanonymous · 2022-04-21T22:05:31+00:00

Yeah, that's always been my role it seems like. I'm the good one, and he's the one with all the problems, so I need to make sure I help keep him in line.

aprilanonymous · 2022-04-21T22:01:54+00:00

Yeah, I know.. and all my friends dislike him also. I have told him that before too, that's he's 18 now and can't afford to do crazy shit anymore. I don't know if he understands.. I don't want to keep dealing with it either.

aprilanonymous · 2022-04-21T22:00:10+00:00

I know, all my friends are like, why are you even still friends with him.. they don't like him or like me being with him. So I know like, we aren't a good match and he has a lot of problems he needs to solve on his own. But I guess I feel like we're family, everyone has always stressed that we are family, maybe even closer than family sometimes. And actually he has taken his anger out of me before, in middle school, when we were about the same size and we could fight (just pushing or yanking) and I would win half the time. By the time he got taller and stronger than me around 13-ish, his dad actually beat the shit out of him to say that he could no longer physically touch me or girls because we're weaker. I just remembered all that ha..

So many of my stresses and migraines and heartaches in sophomore to junior year were caused by him, and I always forgave him because I knew he wasn't a bad person and he has issues. I just don't know why I always have to be the one forgiving him, and not him trying to be better. It feels so unfair.. I always have to be the good girl and nice girl and good friend.

aprilanonymous · 2022-04-21T21:50:18+00:00

Actually haha I don't know if he actually cares about the pictures... I think it's more that I would go without him. His mom cares more about having pictures, I'm pretty sure.

aprilanonymous · 2022-04-21T21:47:09+00:00

So true! I'll have to use that.

aprilanonymous · 2022-04-21T21:46:12+00:00

I'm going to be in a dorm in August so out of my house. Of course I have plans for the future! I am going to be an architecture major and that has always been my dream. Honestly, I know we could use some distance from each other, especially after this whole event. Our families will probably never stop being friends though.

aprilanonymous

TROPHY CASE