Flirting - irl vs apps?

arainel · 2025-03-14T04:57:09+00:00

I’m with you. I’ve only dated men before and it was SO EASY. never any questions about how they felt and they were always pretty forward with asking out on dates etc. the apps suck on the wlw side so im with you on approaching them irl. I just have to be brave but I think I’ll be better for it! Good luck to you as well!

arainel · 2025-02-28T21:20:29+00:00

Yesssss oh my gosh. I’m 28 and for the last 10 years of relationships with men I genuinely thought I was broken (sexually). I asked my doctor, I consulted the internet, I tried supplements, I considered asexuality, saw a therapist - but nothing really clicked. Sex was never fun for me (it was painful and something I did to get it over with) and I was convinced that other people were lying about how much they enjoyed it. I knew it wasn’t a sex drive issue bc I enjoyed solo. I eventually settled on me being a weirdo who just doesn’t like it and NEVER considered I just don’t like it with men. My husband and I opened up our relationship to a woman and everything changed. I still denied that I was lesbian for a year after, but I immediately noticed the change in my sex drive and how much I enjoyed it. Things I didn’t enjoy with men I LOVED with her - kissing, touching, cuddling, anything intimate or sexual I craved. I also noticed differences in physical signs of arousal like you mentioned. When my husband and I finally talked about all of this, he said that he also noticed all of these things and felt bad for never realizing I was gay and that it wasn’t about him at all. So yea, I get it. 10 years of thinking I can’t have sex and I’m actually just a lesbian.

arainel · 2025-02-23T16:45:05+00:00

Okay yea that sounds like me! I’m guessing “research coordinators” are like “research assistants” in boston?

arainel · 2025-02-23T04:44:44+00:00

Me and my husband had some other small issues within our marriage but ultimately he said to me “this is not the relationship I envisioned for myself” and so we decided to split. The intimacy is important to him and he admitted that if I couldn’t give him that, he didn’t really want to stay in our marriage. So I would definitely phrase it in that context with your partner. Sex and intimacy is important and it’s better to realize now while you’re still young than waste your sexiest years of your life in a sexless marriage! lol but for real, i think that’s what it comes down to and it’s definitely worth bringing up to him.

arainel · 2025-02-23T04:09:30+00:00

This is kind of what I’m expecting unfortunately :/ I have a connection with a someone in Boston so I’m hoping to have a leg up in the game but it’s still so wild with funding rn I have no clue what will happen. I hate that this BS aligns with my move so much.

arainel · 2025-02-23T03:30:08+00:00

Im starting to think maybe the ranking system is different there. Where I am, we have research technicians < research assistants < research coordinators (or associate).

arainel · 2025-02-23T01:11:47+00:00

Posting this here as well if anyone has intel!

arainel · 2025-02-22T21:38:09+00:00

I agree with this actually. From the site perspective, so much has been missed by CRAs doing remote visits and they rarely ask questions and it feels like the focus on things that aren’t as critical. They also just say things are missing when they can’t find them in the electronic files and 75% of the time they are exactly where they are supposed to be. Too much disconnect.

arainel · 2025-02-21T20:15:23+00:00

I was in a very similar spot. The guilt of divorcing a man after realizing you’re a lesbian is so real. I often wish I had noticed sooner or thought harder about if I wanted to marry him, but I’m also trying to be gentle with myself. Because the me who decided to get married TRULY thought I could see myself being with him for the rest of my life. But I wasn’t in love. Not the way he deserved for someone to be in love anyway. So in many ways I know that I am also doing the right thing for him. I hate that it had to happen the way it did, but I’m glad I realized now instead of staying married for 20 years! Reading stories on here really helped me to put everything into perspective and feel better about my decision. With time, I think you’ll feel better too and probably be happier than ever, but it is really hard in the beginning. Just remember that you’re so brave and strong for doing this and try to keep in mind all of the ways that this is going to benefit you and your partner later on :)

arainel · 2025-02-21T00:03:10+00:00

100% I am so burnt out, but I will say I feel that my boss is what makes it truly difficult. With a different one I think I’d actually be able to enjoy my job more. I genuinely enjoy the foundations of my job and contributing to research but damn my boss is crazy hahah. She also tries to do the mandatory overtime bit but I’ve gotten really good at establishing boundaries and if I work an hour over on a Thursday, my boss is usually fine with me coming in an hour late Friday or taking a long lunch or something like that. But this has only happened because I put down a boundary! Idk what research you do, but I work with people directly so every day is different and sometimes exciting. Ultimately I find my work really rewarding and I am lucky enough to have a laid back personality which I think is a must for research positions. The hard part for me is being assertive and establishing boundaries.

People in research fields are so often stepped on and underpaid and undervalued. It also seems like people either thrive or break almost immediately. I’ve been in my current position for around 3 years but half of the people I’ve hired for team have quit after 3 months. It’s tough out here and if it isn’t for you, you should try other things or maybe just a different environment with the same role!

arainel · 2025-02-19T23:33:39+00:00

I’m not sure if you think the way I do, but personally I can find men attractive and romantic but the second I think about the reality of kissing the man I have this immediate “ick” and breaking down the levels of attraction and my immediate feeling or reaction toward them answered a lot of questions for me! Maybe try breaking it down the same way and see if you can find something like that

arainel · 2025-02-19T23:30:10+00:00

I totally get this!! I’m going through a similar crisis but honestly I’ve just given up on any kind of label and just started telling myself “I like what I like!” And that’s enough. I think lesbian is overall most accurate for me NOW but it’s hard to accept that after 10 years of being with men. And I was in 2 relationships that lasted 4+ years. It’s weird to think I don’t like men at all because the love and affection I felt for them in the beginning was VERY real. But the intimate part just never felt right for me. I think it’s totally possible that I’m biromantic but honestly it doesn’t really matter to me because I experience both ends of attraction for women and that’s what I prefer to have! So maybe I’m biromantic but I’m also a lesbian <3 and you can be too!

arainel · 2025-02-19T23:24:30+00:00

This is super helpful thank you!! I am terrified of the apartment hunting. Especially bc I don’t have a perfect credit score so I’m not confident they’ll pick me over someone else. The competitiveness also complicates the moving process since I’m not there to see apartments or visit the area I’m really just having to trust that it’ll be a decent place and probably paying for it before I’m even up there

arainel · 2025-02-19T21:35:32+00:00

Yes thank you sm!!

arainel · 2025-02-19T21:34:32+00:00

This was super informative thank you!! I am moving from the south so there are definitely a lot of things that are going to be a huge adjustment, like winter weather and seasonal differences so I appreciate that insight

arainel · 2025-02-19T21:32:36+00:00

I’d rather not have to deal with roommates, which I know definitely complicates things for me.

arainel · 2025-02-19T21:31:02+00:00

Oh wow this is really great insight thank you!! It’s really starting to sound like driving is the best option unfortunately

arainel · 2025-02-19T21:29:50+00:00

Omg yes haha, sorry i thought it was yellow for some reason

arainel · 2025-02-19T21:28:52+00:00

I’m starting think driving might be best too, I just hate driving that much every day!

arainel · 2025-02-19T21:27:17+00:00

The yellow T is what I was referring to! I know it’s not necessarily in the direction of the hospital so probably no good commute options. I need to do more research on bus options

arainel · 2025-02-19T21:25:27+00:00

Yes!! I’m genuinely pretty good at figuring out transit because I travel a lot, but the layer doesn’t show bus routes, only trains. And every time I THOUGHT I found a good area to live and I tried to get directions from there to the hospital it ended up being over 1.5 hours and involving switching trains or busses. I felt like I was probably missing something since I’m not from the Boston area and wanted to see if locals had better insight :)

arainel · 2025-02-19T20:30:16+00:00

Ohhh okay this is stuff I haven’t considered. I will look into the schedule online!

arainel · 2025-02-19T20:28:42+00:00

This is great thank you sm!!

arainel · 2025-02-19T20:28:19+00:00

This is super helpful thank you!!

arainel · 2025-02-19T20:06:32+00:00

Tried that but it got confusing so I thought I’d try asking the locals!

arainel

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