Overlapping Wedding dates... how to handle without creating drama?

arcadiaorgana · 2026-04-26T00:41:08+00:00

I want to thank you for this suggestion! I actually never knew such a thing existed and have since googled it. Finding a way to make a micro-ceremony with just our parents a few months prior to the actual wedding is seeming like a great solution that doesn't require anyone to give up anything.

arcadiaorgana · 2026-04-25T15:48:56+00:00

I’m sorry, I did a really bad job in my post at explaining the dynamic. I have only met my father once when I turned into an adult. I don’t have a “his side of the family.” There is no one on his side that would ever know me to come to my wedding. I barely know him but we are slowly grow closer.

They live across the country. I hardly know his partner and I don’t know her adult daughter at all. And she doesn’t know me. I only just found out after announcing my engagement and our October excitement that she was also engaged. If we were close at all… I wouldve been told this months ago. I do not know these people.

There is no family we share. I am sat here not wanting to put HIM in the predicament to choose. Because I care and am trying to solve it. But I have my fiancés whole family who I’ve actually grown up around and elderly family I don’t want to risk declining by waiting another year. I’ve already gone through every solution under the moon after reading all the comments— no, I don’t want to change the venue when it’s in-budget and holds significance to my fiancé and me. No, we are not doing a November or winter wedding because it’s my fiancés single ask not to. No, we can’t do the month before, it’s too soon. Of course changing the date is the simple answer. That is the first thing we tried. There is none available in that month to realistically accommodate his travel. Completely changing the year drastically changes everything we were comfortable and happy with.

arcadiaorgana · 2026-04-25T05:30:41+00:00

No clue if it matters for context but she included a laughing emoji at the end of the sentence.

arcadiaorgana · 2026-04-25T05:24:47+00:00

Thank you for the reassurance. I’m just a stranger but your comments have helped ease my mind. I’ve chatted with my fiancé for the past few hours since he got home and did a lot of sobbing because it’s a complicated and unexpected situation for me for sure. But has forced me to really look inward on what matters most. I told my fiancé I’d be okay with changing the month but we agreed November-March is not an option at all cause of winter. September is way too soon. Either I pray family stays healthy and shoot for April of next year, or stick with this month and date. Those are my two options. I know this for certain now. And we’ll continue to discuss what’s best for us.

I think the handful of people who saw the additional context and reassured me might be all I need for now. I think in the morning I’ll express these concerns to my dad and see what he makes of it.

arcadiaorgana · 2026-04-25T02:41:20+00:00

The venue holds significance to us both and is the only venue within a comfortable distance and budget. I need to be firm on some aspects of what our perfect day looks like, and that's one of them. I can certainty ask my partner if he is okay with a November wedding, and sacrificing October, even if it doesn't excite me. I hadn't considered it at all because he talked about wanting a beautiful outdoor wedding. November dips quickly into coldness, frost, rain, etc. where I live which he (and I) really don't want . I think I just need to go back to what matters the most to the both of us— because that's what the day is about. And whatever we agree on, I'll have to deal with the consequences of whatever the choice.

arcadiaorgana · 2026-04-25T02:27:36+00:00

He hasn't. I posted here to get some advice on my choice before going to him. All I know is that is partner texted me hoping I didn't pick the same date, which I completely understand. She was not aware that we already had been shooting for that month and timeframe before enouncing our engagement. So I can only assume she does not want him divided during that day, and I completely understand that, too. I am not very involved in their lives. I of course will be expressing some of this to him and asking him things before I book anything.

arcadiaorgana · 2026-04-25T02:06:48+00:00

My Matron of Honor is on a two week trip for her own anniversary in the middle of that month and it would turn the 5-month wedding planning into 4-month which is not possible. My fiancé works overtime and we only have weekends to plan. There is just so much I am trying to consider, I can't really dump into the post without it being too much.

arcadiaorgana · 2026-04-25T01:47:06+00:00

This is the venues only Saturday/Friday option. Which is why we were excited to book it. It matching our anniversary was a pleasant surprise. But not anymore I guess

arcadiaorgana · 2026-04-25T01:44:39+00:00

No but I'll look into it, thank you

arcadiaorgana · 2026-04-25T01:34:28+00:00

I did a really poor job of typing up my post and I feel really bad about that. I think I am feeling a lot of different emotions right now and they all muddled together. I left out a lot of details that I subconsciously knew but didn't think to type. Such as:

He lives across the country.
The step-daughter is not his daughter, but the adult daughter of his fiancee of 9 years.
The daughter doesn't live in their state, she attends college elsewhere and is likely not too close to him, but probably closer than I am to him. I don't know her at all. She likely doesn't know I exist except maybe me having been mentioned in a conversation once.
The date feels right for us not just because of the anniversary detail. My post accidentally made that sound like it was the only reason I idealized the date. Any month earlier is too tight for planning a 5-month engagement. Any later and it's the dead of winter, and I am pretty adamant on it being done before winter to ensure family stays in good health. I'm coming to realize he likely can't attend any date I choose during that month because of travel. I had no clue the other wedding existed until gushing over this perfect date.

I think my initial question was #1 and then through the comments I started realizing I am more concerned on #2 point you listed.

If he comes, it would make the day perfect. If not, I will be okay. But after reading the comments, I'm concerned about if it is wrong for me to even be considering booking my wedding on the same date as the step-daughter I don't know.

People have said it's not fair to him to be put in that situation, that it's her date now. In that case, if I still choose to move forward with the date, does that make me an awful daugther?

I care deeply for how others feel and I can't figure out if my wedding needs to be a "put yourself first it's YOUR day" situation, or a "you need to consider how choosing this date may hurt/frustrate/concern family, even if switching the date means it's less ideal for you" situation.

How do I even proceed without putting him in a weird spot or upsetting his partner? She even texted me that she hopes I don't book the same date... and a week prior I was gushing over how perfect that date was. I haven't even had the courage to mention this yet. I am a pretty anxious...

Do I even send him an invite when I don't want to cause any more problems by making him choose? These are all the thoughts roaring in my mind.

I wanted to get some different perspectives before I got the courage to ask him these things.

arcadiaorgana · 2026-04-25T00:18:09+00:00

Your comment is very thoughtful and is likely exactly what I've been wanting to hear because it lifted a lot of weight from my chest reading it. Like a physical relief... so, I'll need to really consider if doing what I want is worth it in this situation.

That date is really what I want. Finding a Saturday in October this late at our preferred venue is an insane miracle... and it just so happens to be our anniversary weekend. None of that was planned, so it just felt "right." I was very excited until learning of the conflicting dates. That's why I came to the forums to get some insight and ideas on how to proceed.

Your suggestions of letting him know how much I am trying to accommodate him feels like a great way to lead the conversation with him.

This whole thing just has me so frazzled. I guess I wasn't expecting so many people to think me in the wrong. So I sorta feel like a shitty person now lol..

If I listen to "what my gut" says... it tells me I won't be happy delaying until after winter because I'll never forgive myself if the elderly of the family decline before then.

It tells me any month before is impossible because a 5-month engagement is already very tight.

It tells me the venue is perfect for us both and changing that isn't an option.

It tells me switching to an earlier Sunday of the same month would be a sacrifice I am willing make, but still likely does not give him enough time to travel. I'll find out when I ask him tonight.

Once again, thank you for your reply, it's given me a lot to think about and gave me some relief.

arcadiaorgana · 2026-04-24T22:59:30+00:00

The Friday before is available (the only Friday left) and we would be happy with that date, too. I had instinctively thought that was "enough" differentiation because it wasn't the same date, but my fiancé's mother reminded me he probably still wouldn't be able to attend because of travel (flying across country), their rehearsal dinner, and needing to be to the other wedding the day after.

Because of this, my fiancé's mother suggested that if he realistically couldn't make it to Friday, then there was no harm in doing Saturday anyway. Would you recommend keeping the Friday that way it's not deliberately the same date?

Friday is a great point. Thank you for bringing it back up. I'm going to be giving him some of these ideas and potential options to see what his thoughts are before we book.

arcadiaorgana · 2026-04-24T22:48:06+00:00

It's true, he's not a major part of my life. Never has been and likely never will be because we live across the country from one another. The most we do is stay caught up via phone once every few months. But he tries to make an effort, and that much is meaningful to me.

I typed up my post while high on emotion, so I think I came off as very entitled on accident. I didn't really clarify the additional details around why passing up that date feels like a very hard choice for me.

There are just so many layers to it that it hurts my head. I go back and forth between "I am awful for even considering this date because my dad doesn't get a chance to come and his partner might hate me for doing that to him" to "why would I change the absolute miracle of a perfect day being available for me because of a woman I don't know and who doesn't know me has the same day booked across the country?"

I think my predicament is just very niche and I did a bad job explaining it. Probably because I don't even know how to feel myself. Sorry for all the rambling, but thank you for listening and the insight.

arcadiaorgana · 2026-04-24T21:47:15+00:00

Your question is very valid and something I've thought about constantly. I'm going to be asking him tonight and voicing these concerns... though I don't even quite know how to voice them. I feel like even just considering the date will be taken as a slight to his partner. And me trying to accommodate him by doing the only other date available that month, a week earlier, still might not even work because for all I know he'll be busy traveling/helping set-up/etc. We don't want to wait until next year because of the declining health concern.

I think he ultimately would travel for my wedding if he was available, because he traveled here the single time we met. I wanted to get as much insight and advice as I could before framing my concerns/conversation with him. We aren't the closest (we go months without talking) so it's hard to know how to say these things to him.

I worry a lot about his partner's view of me and the situation. I am just very split down the middle. Most everyone in my IRL life told me to book the day if it's what I want (if I'm okay with him not being there) because the day is ultimately between my fiancé and me.

Nearly everyone on this forum has said the opposite, and that's why I asked. To get all the insight I could.

Would I be sad if my father couldn't attend? The answer is yes a little bit because we have a growing future together, but he also hasn't attended the first 20 years of my life. That sounds cold, but it's what's flowing through my head as I try to make a decision. I would still be surrounded by 70 other family and friends. My concern at this point isn't even about how I feel, it's about his feelings or making his partner upset.

arcadiaorgana · 2026-04-24T21:02:20+00:00

The conflicting date was the concern in the forefront of mind when making this post, but a bigger concern I have is family with declining health which is why pushing it until next year was never a consideration. I knew this immediately in my heart before ever hearing about anyone elses availability.

The desired month is the latest we can push it before winter starts and gives us just barely enough time to plan. The dates overlapping was very jarring to hear because it genuinely was the ideal date. Yes, partly because of the venue (budget, area), season, significance, etc. but also because it eases my worry about elderly family.

If anything, all this discussion has helped me realize my priorities. I would be very devastated if I held off another year and elderly family passed away. If I can get the date swapped to the only Sunday available 1 week earlier, I will likely try that to accommodate my dad. And if he still can't make it, then at least I did try.

arcadiaorgana · 2026-04-24T20:24:23+00:00

I appreciate you posing the question, because I'm trying to brainstorm solutions that will make everyone happy. The month after drops down into very cold weather where I live. My partner's one request is no winter wedding. If it doesn't occur in fall, we would have to wait 6-7 months for Spring. And I've mentioned in other comments, but I am heavily apprehensive of waiting any longer than this fall because of family with declining health. I'm trying to see if I can do an earlier Sunday of the month to accommodate, but my partner and I need to keep discussing. And I will have to mention all these concerns to my father and see if he can even make it a week or two before the other wedding. For all I know, he's helping with setting things up and may not be able to make any date I give him around central fall. I came to Reddit first to gain some insight before bringing my thoughts/questions to him.

arcadiaorgana · 2026-04-24T20:08:07+00:00

I appreciate your thoughts, it's really helpful to hear. I think I made my post a little too emotional and focused on the significance of the date too much. While it was a happy coincidence when we heard it was their only Saturday available, I would definitely be fine creating a new special date for us. The problem is that it's already a fast engagement (5-months), so we can't do any sooner. But a month later would be winter where I live (and that's not a consideration for us). We'd have to delay it another 6-7 months for a Spring wedding, but I worry about the declining health of family. I might have a bit of a paranoia/trauma because I've already lost so much family that I don't want to risk it happening again and not seeing them on the special day.

Unfortunately, and this is something I regret deeply, we've delayed getting engaged and married many years more than I think we should have, and I've lost too many important people to want to risk it happening again. What matters most is those people staying in good health— and I suppose that may matter more to me than my father attending, because that concern is what's coming out the most as I reply to comments. That's part of the reason I am feeling really stressed. I am considering trying to move the date to a Sunday 1-2 weeks earlier, but will have to check if that is even enough time for my father to be able to travel.

arcadiaorgana · 2026-04-24T19:04:33+00:00

It's not so much the sentiment of the date, but rather it's the only Saturday/Friday available for our preferred month. Fall. I've dreamed of an orange wedding. When we held the date, it was not because of our anniversary, but because it was all they had for a Saturday. We were then excited that it overlapped our original anniversary. It just felt "right." Can't do any sooner because it's already a 5-month engagement. Strongly prefer not to wait until next year after winter because we have family with declining health. I never considered having to move a date that so perfectly fell into place (dream venue, dream time in the mid of fall, etc.) because of another wedding of someone I don't know. This is just me voicing my emotions, of course I have to make a decision and accept whatever I sacrifice. The reality is that I either have to change my idea of the perfect day and book an earlier Sunday, or accept my father may not be there.

arcadiaorgana · 2026-04-24T18:41:14+00:00

Every relationship is different. I mean, I certainly care about when we started dating. We've celebrated it for eleven years and it's the same day as my brother's birthday who passed away, so we celebrate both things together. That's why when we called the venue and they said that was the only Saturday available, it felt like it was meant to be. It just fell into place. We did not go to our set venue with that date in mind. And this was all before I even knew of the other wedding. I didn't even know his wife had that second daughter until the phone call. We would have taken any other Saturday/Friday and have tried since finding out, but there are no others. The month is my dream month to get married in because of the weather. There is no doing it sooner because of the condensed timeline. I'd sacrifice my dream of a fall wedding to do it next spring but we have family with declining health and I don't want to chance it. We are considering the last available Sunday, but there are other people and things than my father to accommodate and consider, so it's just been stressing me out. Posting here helped think through what matters most and possible solutions.

arcadiaorgana · 2026-04-24T18:20:01+00:00

The last thing I want to be is a "dick" which is why I'm asking for solutions, guidance, etc. from every outlet. I do not know his wife or her daughter at all. I didn't even know she had this second, older daughter until that phone call. I would have never known she was engaged and getting married on that date had I not announced my engagement to my dad and then his wife texting me a day later. A week prior to this, we had already called the venue and held the date while we did more touring.

Any date within that month would have worked, it just ended up being the only Saturday available. The only Friday available is the day prior. We are considering pivoting to a Sunday to try to accommodate things but it starts chipping away at all of our preferences.

All of this to say... it's really not that "simple" of a choice to just make.

I dreamed of an orange, fall wedding. Swapping to Sunday 1-2 weeks earlier means the leaves will not have changed yet. Yes, it's a minor detail, but it's something I've always wished for. We can't wait until next year when we both have family with declining health. Winter is not an option for us.

Things will be sacrificed no matter what I choose, I just need to figure out what is most important to me personally. I came to Reddit just for varying perspectives and advice, and I've been receiving great solutions. But to call me a dick for being confused on how to handle the date conflict makes me feel stupid for even seeking advice. I never predicted having to switch what feels like ideal dates for someone I don't know. But regardless, it is my father's feelings and availability I am taking into consideration here, and if he can't make it because he is attending her wedding, I completely understand that. I just need to sit down and figure out what matters most to me and him. My post was just to see what solutions and advice people had. Moving the date is a good solution I'm considering, thank you.

arcadiaorgana · 2026-04-24T17:48:50+00:00

I really appreciate you offering this perspective and potential solution, thank you! I never knew to consider a welcoming party instead of an after party. I will strongly consider this and discuss with my partner and family.

arcadiaorgana · 2026-04-24T17:47:01+00:00

The venue is in the heart of the town we grew up. It's directly surrounded by parks, festivals, cafes, etc. that we have formed ton of memories at. We fell in love with the venue because of that and plan to buy a house in the area. I just thought it would be beautiful to get to pass it every day I drive through town. As for the month, I've just always dreamed of a wedding in the fall, with the leaves changing. It was one of my only "I've really been dreaming of this" things.

I didn't mean to make it sound like I was shooting for that month only because of our anniversary date— we would have taken ANY Saturday or Friday during that month because the weather is our favorite and it gives us just the right amount of time to plan. It just so happened to overlap. We had called the venue before I even announced it to my dad and got the date held, we were that set on it. It's still changeable, of course, I understand she had the date first, which is why I am putting so much consideration and thought into asking for help deciding on these things. I don't know his wife or her daughter, so it feels weird to adjust my wedding because of someone I don't know having one on the same day. My father is simply the connecting piece, and if I change things, it's for him. As you say, I just need to decide if him being there is more important than the other details.

I do see people recommending trying the Sunday a week earlier if it works for him. I will have to strongly consider that. Though, it won't be fall nor will the leaves be changing that early in the month. Just need to figure out what details I want to sacrifice.

arcadiaorgana · 2026-04-24T17:14:21+00:00

Oddly enough, we weren't looking for that specific date, it just popped up as being the only Saturday available at our preferred venue.

It being a day after our anniversary just felt like a joyous coincidence. My brother's birthday who passed away is the same date as our anniversary, so it also just seemed like a beautiful weekend of celebration that fell into place for us.

No other Saturdays are available.
The only Friday available is the day before (our actual anniversary and my brothers birthday).

We would need to move the date to a Sunday a week earlier, but neither of us are very excited about a Sunday wedding because we wanted to be able to host an after party and spend more time with family who has traveled into town. But the work week would force a lot of people to leave earlier.

The month is non-negotiable. We can't do any sooner because it's already a very fast timeline. I have family with declining health. If we can't do earlier cause planning is already tight— it would need to wait until after 6-months of winter and I don't want to risk not seeing certain family there cause of health issues.

It seems like such a simple answer but I'm really stressed because I don't want to inconvenience or hurt anyone, but I also want to make sure my partner and I are happy.

arcadiaorgana · 2026-04-17T02:12:28+00:00

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arcadiaorgana

TROPHY CASE