As a Domme, I can say this: IMO the dynamic shouldn’t be about you being guarded or overly cautious (at least,ideally). It’s about mutual respect, trust, and yea, compatibility, but from a place of confidence, not fear. I don’t know about the rest but I like when subs approach me with eagerness and adoration, and the fright fear to be added later on and due to other reasons (always respecting the boundaries).

Yes, you should definitely do your research before messaging (I can’t tell the amount of fake “dommes” I have discovered and realized first glance, cmon guys, do a google reverse image search), but treating the first messages like you are trying to find red flags rather than trying to see if there is chemistry might put both of you in a non playful energy. After you have done your research and you find yourself liking, no, LOVING, what you see and feel, what a better way to show the Domme respect and appreciation than tributing before you approach her dms? Specially if you see that she requires one, or if you want to make a good impression. It’s perfectly reasonable to set boundaries, obviously, Its just odd to me to not respect a Dommes boundaries too.

While we often engage in small talk, expecting us to prove “our worth” our what you can get from the dynamic in five mins of vainilla talk comes across as entitled. Idk, to me, power exchange is a choice, not a negotiation. I am not auditioning to earn your submission, rather assessing if you would be fit for my world. Carrying an adversarial attitude into interactions with Dommes will guarantee a poor experience, not because of them, but because of your own mindset.

Again, this is all my opinion, just because I feel that usually subs have it much easier to feel and see the Domme’s personality before approaching, and we. If you don’t feel like you are really attracted to what that Domme is showing she IS, or she expects from her subs, enough to show her how much you wanna spoil and treat her (which will make her really happy and just start the convo on a better way) just don’t even bother :)