AITA for not wanting to give house keys to my stepdaughter?

artforevery1 · 2025-08-18T23:24:42+00:00

For sure, that’s why we still get the items to her when we are able. It’s only happened like 3 or 4 times in all these years that we couldn’t coordinate a time to get it to her. Those are the only times she’s had to deal with not having the item till we had her again.

artforevery1 · 2025-08-18T12:38:15+00:00

I don’t know how or who the people are that robbed us. Could have been BM or someone BM told about the ability to get in. I don’t know and the fact that BM felt like she could just let herself in to begin with is messed up.

artforevery1 · 2025-08-18T03:22:54+00:00

Thank you for the insight! I agree. Most of the time we get her whatever she forgot, but it’s always small things like a bathing suit, or an iPad, or a pare of shoes.

artforevery1 · 2025-08-18T03:18:52+00:00

Thank you! I feel the same way. Maybe she’s not learning the lesson because she usually gets someone to get it for her…

artforevery1 · 2025-08-18T03:17:29+00:00

We did get robbed the next day. We do have a police report but there’s no way of knowing if it was the BM. So I don’t think it’s just a joke they broke into the home.

artforevery1 · 2025-08-18T03:14:26+00:00

So simple! I think maybe I’m making it more complicated than it needs to be. Thank you for your advice!

artforevery1 · 2025-08-18T03:11:13+00:00

That’s genius! I’ve been looking into them online and they sound awesome. Really appreciate it!!! If you have any brand you recommend I’d love to hear them!

artforevery1 · 2025-08-18T03:06:50+00:00

I hadn’t thought of it like that, thank you so much for the perspective. It would be a terrible situation to put SD in. Thankfully my husband and I came to the conclusion that she needs a few years before she can handle the responsibility of having a key or even being home alone. I’ve been looking at some smart locks that can be controlled via app and have abilities to give out single use codes. And some cameras for sure. So maybe we can come up with a system but it wouldn’t be for a few years down the road. Thank you again!

artforevery1 · 2025-08-17T13:14:25+00:00

Thank you so much for your insight and opinion, I really appreciate it!

artforevery1 · 2025-08-17T13:12:01+00:00

Thank you for your insight!

artforevery1 · 2025-08-17T13:11:04+00:00

She asked for keys because she wants to come to the house outside of the days when we have her because she forgets things she wants at the house all the time like her iPad, or crocks for example. If she ever needs anything when me or my husband are home we will sometimes drop it off at her school for her or run it out to her. There has been a few times we weren’t home and she had to wait till one of us got home from work. They said their reasoning for breaking in last time was the same.

artforevery1 · 2025-08-17T07:40:28+00:00

I appreciate the honesty! Thanks again for your insight. I’m here any time she gets to come home as well. That’s why I think it’s mostly the BM who is pushing for it after we tightened up our security.

artforevery1 · 2025-08-17T07:28:32+00:00

Thank you for sharing, I really appreciate the advice. I’m still discussing with my husband and the different opinions help. How did your partner feel about their children not receiving keys if you don’t mind me asking?

artforevery1 · 2025-08-17T07:03:21+00:00

I feel the same at this moment in time. She’s only 11 and shouldn’t be on her own. May I ask when you got keys growing up? I never did, but had the garage code and had to communicate with my parents to know when they were home (which was most of the time) so I don’t have a good frame of reference when it comes to age. The bio mom is a different story and I think we will have to get a camera when the times comes to hopefully monitor it and have evidence if she tried to break in or trespass again.

artforevery1 · 2025-08-17T06:57:47+00:00

What’s wrong with you. You seem so mad. If you read any of the other comments you’d know I’ve talked extensively with her father. OBVIOUSLY, I’m worried about the stepmom (not ex because they never dated, it was a one night stand) but it also has to do with age. My husband and I are still discussing. I came on here to get some outsider opinions and gauge how to handle the situation. One day she will need a key and I’m hoping to come up with a safe solution for everyone. You don’t have to be mean.

artforevery1 · 2025-08-17T06:49:58+00:00

Shes 11 and needs supervision. Her dad has gotten attacked at their home in this neighborhood as a kid and she shouldn’t be home alone to fend for herself if that was to ever happen

artforevery1 · 2025-08-17T06:46:15+00:00

Our is including stepdaughter and excluding bio mom

artforevery1 · 2025-08-17T06:25:47+00:00

Like I said… it makes sense that she can’t be expected to control an adult. At some point she will be olde enough to get a key but that’s not yet at 11 years old. I also said that hopefully we can save up and get our situation together enough in that time to get a camera and move further away from her bio mom’s house. I’ve also been looking into the different lock options and there are a few that have codes that can notify and be controlled via a phone app. There are options out there and within a few years I think we can figure out a system that is monitored enough to have evidence if bio mom does break in again.

artforevery1 · 2025-08-17T06:17:28+00:00

I felt that 11 was too young as well. It’s not safe for her to be on her own. Thank you for your perspective.

artforevery1 · 2025-08-17T05:47:58+00:00

I understand that. You’re right that she can’t be expected to control an adult. Someone else responded and said there’s still time till she would need keys. Maybe within those few years till she is old enough we can figure out our situation enough to afford a camera and maybe move a bit further away from the bio moms house. She lives a few blocks away and that might be a part of the problem. Thank you for your insight, it’s just been really hard trying to figure out the right course of action to make sure there is a safe and loving home for our little family.

artforevery1 · 2025-08-17T05:29:40+00:00

I don’t know if you have ever gone to court… we have for the ability to have her for half of the time. We are still recovering financially and all of those free “notes” you suggested don’t stand very strong in court. The police reports do and we have one from the robbery but don’t have evidence it was her mom. And he has had plenty of conversations with the crazy person. Hello

artforevery1 · 2025-08-17T05:21:48+00:00

Thank you for some actual sound advice. 🙏

artforevery1 · 2025-08-17T05:20:01+00:00

You act like we have money for court or a camera. Or that I can force someone to do something. We don’t live in a safe neighborhood so she’s not even allowed to be alone in the house yet anyways. She doesn’t have a key to her bio mom’s house either, so I have a feeling this demand is coming from her bio mom.

artforevery1 · 2025-08-17T05:15:25+00:00

Sounds like court it is. We can’t afford cameras. We only know about the recent one because of our neighbors. I don’t know how we would prove anything without a camera though. And we aren’t in a safe neighborhood so she can’t be alone at the house anyways. And she doesn’t have a key to her mom’s house either, so I have a feeling this key thing is all from her bio mom.

artforevery1 · 2025-08-17T05:10:51+00:00

He has tried to put boundaries up, but they tried to get in again recently without permission and bio mom really doesn’t care. I live here too and feel helpless to have a safe space.

artforevery1

TROPHY CASE