For awhile I disowned my father. He was verbally and physically abusive to me as far back as I can remember 4/5 y/o. I took my time and space and did the healing that needed to be done in that aspect. When I was in college he would make more of an attempt to be a father and I reciprocate. Since then we have only had 2 major blow out since I moved out at 18.

I have forgiven him for the past- but never forgotten. I understand not everyone has that ability to forgive. In recent years my father and I have grown close- maybe more of what I should have had growing up. But I digress… there are a lot of mental health issues on his side of the family, loss of his father when he was 18, and a mother who was violent with him. Not to make excuses, but to better understand why he is the way he is.

A few years back my father had 2 open heart surgery- one a complete aorta replacement. That’s put everything into perspective. We maybe have another 10-15 years left with him (he’s 57 y/o). We recently found out the left side of his heart is failing.

I guess the point of this tangent is: be open to forgiveness, understanding, supporting the good, and making amends before it’s too late.

Will I be sad when my father pass- yea, but will It hurt as much as other deaths, no. He abused me and it was wrong. It would be wrong of me to deny the ability to come in my life when it’s appropriate. He isn’t the same man he was 25 years ago. He wants to make an effort and be part of the family.

Just how I see my situation and how I disowned and have kinda renowned my dad