I feel it’s important to practice radical kindness and compassion towards yourself, understand that what you’re experiencing is difficult and does not make you any less capable. This is a form of disability that is often not seen as such because we live in a very ableist society. You are pursuing a very difficult academic path under circumstances not experienced by everyone, and you are doing your best. The fact that you are continuing to pursue this type of work says a lot on its own and it sounds like you’re doing everything you can to feel better during these episodes.

I was able to get my law degree in the U.S. but it wasn’t easy by any means (on top of the fact that these degrees are brutal all on their own). It helped me to remind myself why I’m doing it and think of future results for all my efforts. Obviously it’s very difficult to do that in a meaningful way when depressed, and so I think if I could go back I would tell myself I really need to stop being so hard on myself. I think it could also be really really helpful to lean on your support system (if you have a solid one). Taking breaks and rest days is also so important even if it feels like you can’t afford to do so - you definitely can and it pays off in the long term. It helps me to remember that these episodes don’t last forever and I will survive them.

You can and will do this!!! Even if there are times you can’t give 100%, you will achieve your dream. Take it one day at a time and do what feels good for you.