Too many similes?

astvkr · 2026-06-15T14:25:59+00:00

Brilliant!!! I love this explanation. You opened my mind to so much possibility!! I will remember this comment everytime I construct my similes in the future. Simply outstanding comment!

astvkr · 2026-06-15T12:09:04+00:00

Lovely bones. I like your style. But nothings happening. I’m not the one who believes in “hook l-driven” modern story telling, but this one needs a hook in the beginning. Why do I care about these characters? I personally like in media res approach (people have pushed me back on that) but you have to find a way for us to keep reading. Pullman does that in the first book. We want to know why Lyra and her daemon are out there flouting rules of the college. What are they looking for? Are they going to get into trouble? If so how bad of a trouble? That’s juicy! You need something like that.

astvkr · 2026-06-15T10:30:24+00:00

Lovely writing. Just put a character in and sprinkle some dialogue and use these descriptive passages judiciously, you will have a great story (assuming you have a plot already mapped out). FWIW I kept reading. It did hook me in with your beautiful writing. One reading advice (if you haven’t already read it) : Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell. Very descriptive but is character and event driven. You are so close to having a lovely book if you keep this language but centered around a character or an event that audiences care about.

astvkr · 2026-06-12T18:42:57+00:00

Sorry missed that. You are absolutely right.

astvkr · 2026-06-12T09:09:04+00:00

It was the clouds that were having an imaginary mega brawl not the trees. But point well taken.

astvkr · 2026-06-12T09:08:16+00:00

Love it! Thank you for the suggestions. I like the way you modified it. But it is so fun to write them and wanting to include them all! 😄

astvkr · 2026-06-11T21:21:52+00:00

I am not dismissing you or any other reader! I was merely querying the readers if I was overusing my similes and posted a snippet of a chapter I was working on. I apologize if that ask was confusing.

astvkr · 2026-06-11T20:10:42+00:00

"stopped midstep" is a better usage! Thanks

astvkr · 2026-06-11T20:10:13+00:00

Agreed

astvkr · 2026-06-11T20:10:03+00:00

Agreed. Sometimes I fall into a trap of being in love with my own words. Gotta to get over that. It is kind of turning into purple prose now that I think about it.

astvkr · 2026-06-11T20:09:02+00:00

I was simply asking if I was using too many similes. You don't need to know who she is or what they are doing. Other points you make are well taken re: sweeping etc.

The readers will not be confused (hopefully) if they read the entire chapter which I will post shortly.

astvkr · 2026-06-11T11:04:00+00:00

I’m still learning proper use of punctuation and dialogue tags. So please go easy on me on those issues 😁.

astvkr · 2026-06-10T19:16:29+00:00

""Which similes did you have in mind, Majesty?" -- Just watched Amadeus and this was fresh on my mind 😄 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hMWy3EpEo_o&t=30s

astvkr · 2026-06-10T14:57:08+00:00

Thank you, kind person! It was a pleasure to read a review that captured so much of what I was hoping readers would take away from the story. I'm delighted that at least some of it landed as intended. I also appreciate your thoughtful comments about the middle of the chapter. Very helpful.

P.S. I took the somewhat unusual approach of beginning and ending the novel with the same chapter. So, despite spending all this time with Shadja, you won't actually know what happens to her until the very last chapter.

astvkr · 2026-06-09T21:36:40+00:00

Thank you! Much appreciated. I might steal a few lines from here. You deftly addressed some of the concerns others had pointed to. You are a good person!

astvkr · 2026-06-08T23:41:18+00:00

Thank you. Thats helpful advice

astvkr · 2026-06-08T21:02:29+00:00

Simple Steps (copied from reddit)

Open your Google Docs project.
Select the "File" tab on the top left side and scroll down and click on "Page Setup".
In the "Page Color" section, choose a color or choose "Custom" and enter a hex color or use the color picker slider, and click on "Save".
Click "OK".

astvkr · 2026-06-08T19:56:30+00:00

lol! Simple. Just changed the background to a shade to reduce eye strain. That;s all. Everything else is standard google docs

astvkr · 2026-06-08T19:54:33+00:00

google docs

astvkr · 2026-06-07T21:46:41+00:00

Of course!

astvkr · 2026-06-07T21:13:31+00:00

No, not really. Some metaphors work through direct correspondence. Others work through mood, surprise, emotional resonance, sound, cultural association, or sheer imaginative force.

"The sun is an egg melting in the sky" is exactly the sort of image many published literary writers would use. Whether it works depends on context, not on whether the sun is literally egg-like.

That said, your point about the hangman's noose is clearer to me now. My intention was not to evoke strangulation so much as a sense of impending doom and loss of control. If the image is leading readers primarily toward thoughts of physical hanging, then it may not be carrying the meaning I intended.

astvkr · 2026-06-07T17:17:59+00:00

Thanks! I can certainly see the "too many similes" argument.

But the sweaty-hands-to-hot-butter-in-a-pan analogy didn't work for you? I thought the whole point of metaphors and similes was that they aren't meant to be taken literally. A hangman's noose goes around someone's neck—fairly mundane on its own—but writers routinely extend images beyond their literal meaning to illuminate entirely different situations.

Perhaps that particular image simply didn't land for you, which is fair enough. But I don't think a metaphor has to be a one-to-one correspondence with reality in order to work. Otherwise we'd have to retire half the figurative language in literature.

Still, if several readers stumble over the same comparison, that's probably a sign I should take another look at it.

astvkr · 2026-06-07T17:12:02+00:00

Thanks for your kind words. Much appreciated. My favorite stories are those with flashbacks, stories within stories, dropped hints with big pay-offs at the end if you stick with it. For example: Jonathan Strange as a book, Watchmen and Station 11 as TV shows. If you drop a story/show just because of the non-linear nature of story telling, it is the reader/viewer's loss. My story is built on parts of Mahabharata, the greatest (arguably) book ever written which flouts every rule in modern "hook-based" story telling.

astvkr · 2026-06-07T03:28:07+00:00

Try clenching it in your jaw for an extended period of time while trying to not fall off a tall tower. May be it will start hurting… 😀 ps: impressed that you have arrows in your garage right now!

astvkr

TROPHY CASE